Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine

[Anonymous]

OP, I get your point and I get that it means a lot to you, I'm just not sure it's really going to matter. And actually I think you're putting a lot more into this innocence and santa thing that is healthy. I don't mean to sound harsh, and it sounds like obviously you both were really impacted by these horrible events in your childhood, but your kids are going to get older and their "innocence" will be tarnished and you need to be able to deal with that without falling apart.

For the record, we don't do santa and essentially told our kids that some people make believe and that it's fun. To my surprise, my 5yo is absolutely insistent that he's real. It's just not a big deal to us either way. I think the kids talk about it a lot and I seriously doubt any of us could influence our kids not to tell your kid that santa isn't real.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Does your child ever use words you've asked her not to say? Does she ever make comments you wish she wouldn't make? It's not so easy to stifle speech in a first grader. Sometimes having a talk about what not to say only fuels the fire.

[Anonymous]

OP - calm down. First grade is around when kids find out Santa isn't real anyway. Your kid's not going to believe in Santa until they're 21. It's ridiculous the things people get upset over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you understand -- you can tell kids not to spoil it for the other kids, but when they go to school for 8 hours a day you cannot prevent them from "sharing" that Santa's not real. Unless your child is so cowed by you that they you can control everything they do all day, in which case there are likely other issues in your parent-child relationship more damaging than the sharing kid.

FWIW, my kid still believes but we need to all be practical about this.

+1

[Anonymous]

I figured it out when I was three because my mom left the big wheel box I'm the garage and I knew Santa made presents in the work shop and wouldn't need a box so the jig was up. I had six older siblings trying to convince me he was real. My older niece was 9 when she asked and my sister told her no he's not reel. My niece cried for am hour. I was there. A girl I nanny is 8 and still believes which I fund surprising. She hadn't even questioned it. I think kids believe longer now than they did in my generation. I think 6 us a good age to tell them the truth, any older than that is just sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP you are really full of yourself. Just the way you describe max's parents--we don't even *remember* who they are--just shows how self absorbed people have become. Guess what? We live in a pluralistic society. Not everyone "believes" in Santa. Given that this time of year, Xmas is everywhere, it actually takes more effort on the part of those parents who do not "do" Santa to explain it to our kids, than it does for you you to try and "shield" your kids from the truth.
So let me get this straight. You want me to tell my kids -hey don't tell anyone else that Santa isn't real?? Do you even understand kids?

OP here - am not at all full of myself and you sound mean and judgmental. Maybe you misunderstood my post? Because what I was saying is that we simply do not know this family well at all and I didn't want to make an assumption that they are anti-Santa or anything. Yes, my DH would be hard pressed to remember them because he's just bad with names, details, etc. Never said anything about us being better or more important. They seem like very nice people and Max seems like a kind, sweet, little boy (very loving with his toddler little sister when I've seen them together). Also, I certainly don't think that everyone should do Santa at all. I am agnostic, but I don't tell my daughter to go up to people of faith and declare that God isn't real - that would be horribly disrespectful to people's beliefs - I simply tell her that different people have different beliefs. We have spent time learning about many different religious traditions from around the world and in the US. The Santa thing simply represents a time of innocence and magic for both my DH and myself because DHs father suddenly and tragically died when he was 7, and I was raped by a family member at the same age - so it means something to us internally and for our DD, we want to preserve it while we can. That being said, I get that is probably coming to an end and was simply feeling blue about it in the middle of the night and unable to fall back asleep so I posted.

I'm sorry but you can't say "we're not selfish and full of ourselves" and then tell the entire world your intimate personal details. I truly feel sorry for you and your husband for the tragedies you've had to endure, but that's not a reason for you to say "you must tell your child not share this information with my child". People don't really have that much control over their children. They are kids!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Does your child ever use words you've asked her not to say? Does she ever make comments you wish she wouldn't make? It's not so easy to stifle speech in a first grader. Sometimes having a talk about what not to say only fuels the fire.

Yes, of course. To everyone who has pointed this out, I get it. I seriously regret ever posting this at all because it clearly made me sound like a self absorbed twit who expects the world to revolve around herself and her child. Can we all just chalk it up to a gut reaction that happened in the middle of the night in a sleepless haze resulting from being the mom of both my 7 yo DD and a newborn? I clearly need to get over myself, and I don't expect other children to behave in accordance with what I want (heck, my DD certainly doesn't always behave as I'd like). I felt blue, I was disappointed that we seem to be moving out of that young time of magical belief and into the next phase, I've been overly emotional and clinging her time of innocence in the wake of the shooting of 20 first graders last week. Next time, I will make a smarter choice and pull out my journal instead. Apologies to all.

[Anonymous]

OP, to be clear, you didn't sound like a self absorbed twit at all. You sounded exactly like you just said - a mom bummed out that an innocent time is coming to an end. The PP's being hyper critical over such a post are the twits on this board.

[Anonymous]

No need to apologize, OP, but what would you like me to tell my DD, when we are of a religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas? That Santa is real and brings presents to all the good little children, but only if they're christian? She's 4. That might break her heart. So to counter the ENDLESS December presence of Santa and presents and Christmas, I am guilty of telling her Santa isn't real. I hope she won't break the news to your little one at school or elsewhere, but she deserves not to feel excluded... And trust me, I've thought heavily of just celebrating Christmas in a secular way, but it just doesn't seem right...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, to be clear, you didn't sound like a self absorbed twit at all. You sounded exactly like you just said - a mom bummed out that an innocent time is coming to an end. The PP's being hyper critical over such a post are the twits on this board.

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your daughter Max is full of shit.

The Maxs of the world will not be ignored! My mom told me she took a group of neighborhood kids into her attic at the age of 7 or 8 and showed them a fake Santa suit. She was laughing as she told me with no regret that she "was that kid." I told her that proved NOTHING except her family wanted to be Santa.

Don't we all want a little magic this time of year? I know I do.

[Anonymous]

OP, people are free to believe what they want in this country, children included.

Tell your DD to be firm in her beliefs, if it is important to you. Same thing with religious beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need to apologize, OP, but what would you like me to tell my DD, when we are of a religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas? That Santa is real and brings presents to all the good little children, but only if they're christian? She's 4. That might break her heart. So to counter the ENDLESS December presence of Santa and presents and Christmas, I am guilty of telling her Santa isn't real. I hope she won't break the news to your little one at school or elsewhere, but she deserves not to feel excluded... And trust me, I've thought heavily of just celebrating Christmas in a secular way, but it just doesn't seem right...

Tell her wherever you want and that Santa allows our society to get tons of crap and do a ton of community service during the season of light. I am sorry you feel she feels excluded. That is terrible. I felt excluded from getting tons of cheap crap because we were very poor. The American economy, including Santa, has changed this economic reality for me. I promise my child will never go up to your child and challenge their belief in you.

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who said to tell her Max is full of shit. On second thought, I would just say that Santa only exists for those who believe in him. If Max says he isn't real, that's because Max doesn't believe in him, but as long as you do believe, Santa is real.

[Anonymous]

1. Santa has nothing whatsoever to do with religion.
2. If you choose not to let your kid participate in it (all fine obviously), you don't have to be an ass about it, here or anywhere else.
That's all.