how would you handle this difficult work situation?

[Anonymous]

How exactly do I sound as if I am "always the victim?" Did I say that every job I have ever had expected too much of poor little old me? Nope. Did I say that my husband is rotten? Nope? What I said is that currently I am in a job that is much more than I wanted or signed up for. I am pregnant and have lots of stuff to do at home. I was asking others to tell me how they have coped/what they have done in a situation like this.

[Anonymous]

NP. Sucked it up, generally. I find it laughable that you sound (in your original post) as if working 42 or 43 hrs is some kind of major imposition. So what if you're pregnant and have to work a weekend to complete a project? That's just the way it happens sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so angry. OP, you did say you are working on a group project, right? So if you're not doing your part, it puts a bigger burden on everyone else. Being pregnant is your choice, not your boss's. You can either handle what's asked of you, or you quit. It's not fair to put everyone else on the project in a position of having to pull your slack. Some jobs require 40 hrs a week, some 60. If you're in a job that requires 60 and you're only willing to work 40, it's not a good fit for you. So quit and let them fill your position with someone willing to pull their own weight.

I worked through 2 pregnancies in a job that was 60-70 hours a week and required a fair amount of travel. That is what the job required, and I knew that going in. It was my choice. You have choices too, but whining about working 43 hours a week while everyone around you works a lot more isn't one of them.

Very well put.

Either do your job (all of it) or quit. Those are your options.

[Anonymous]

I have worked for two organizations that had a 35 hour workweek. You had to take an hour for lunch, you had to work your set schedule. If I took a job thinking that is what I was signing up for and things changed, I would be displeased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so angry. OP, you did say you are working on a group project, right? So if you're not doing your part, it puts a bigger burden on everyone else. Being pregnant is your choice, not your boss's. You can either handle what's asked of you, or you quit. It's not fair to put everyone else on the project in a position of having to pull your slack. Some jobs require 40 hrs a week, some 60. If you're in a job that requires 60 and you're only willing to work 40, it's not a good fit for you. So quit and let them fill your position with someone willing to pull their own weight.

I worked through 2 pregnancies in a job that was 60-70 hours a week and required a fair amount of travel. That is what the job required, and I knew that going in. It was my choice. You have choices too, but whining about working 43 hours a week while everyone around you works a lot more isn't one of them.

Very well put.

Either do your job (all of it) or quit. Those are your options.

Does that apply to being a mom or the work place?

[Anonymous]

OP, hang in there! Do what u can and continue to put your baby and family first. Hopefully you find another job while on maternity leave. I can talk totally relate to working to live not living to work. My family comes first always!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, hang in there! Do what u can and continue to put your baby and family first. Hopefully you find another job while on maternity leave. I can talk totally relate to working to live not living to work. My family comes first always!!!

I knew someone who said the same thing at the office and was always taking care of her family all day long. When she needed a reference, I said that when she was present and not taking care of personal problems, she did her job very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Sucked it up, generally. I find it laughable that you sound (in your original post) as if working 42 or 43 hrs is some kind of major imposition. So what if you're pregnant and have to work a weekend to complete a project? That's just the way it happens sometimes.

That's not what she's complaining about. She's saying she's going to be needed by the dept to work 60+ hours a week, and on weekends. The 40-43 hour/week is not what's bothering her. I too am surprised by the lack of civility and empathy on this board. Statements like "suck it up" and "quit your whining" are not really helpful when someone's asking for some support and wondering whether it's ok to feel how she does. Geez, is this is how some of you talk to people around you? I wouldn't be surprised if some of you are the ones who've contributed to giving female managers a really bad name.

[Anonymous]

That's not what she's complaining about. She's saying she's going to be needed by the dept to work 60+ hours a week, and on weekends. The 40-43 hour/week is not what's bothering her. I too am surprised by the lack of civility and empathy on this board. Statements like "suck it up" and "quit your whining" are not really helpful when someone's asking for some support and wondering whether it's ok to feel how she does. Geez, is this is how some of you talk to people around you? I wouldn't be surprised if some of you are the ones who've contributed to giving female managers a really bad name.

I agree!
OP, what to do really depends on several things: How much do you love this job, need this job, see a future with this job? How important is your reputation at this job to you? How much do you feel does your boss value you in general (including before pregnancy)? What possibilities do you have? Do you even have an HR department (not everyone does)? Do you simply feel you can not make your boss 'happy', or are you physically and mentally exhausted by what you do? Do you have disability insurance? Have you talked to your OB about this??
"A lot of personal sacrifices in the next 6 wks" - well, that's just not going to happen for you from week 32 to week 38. Depending how physically and mentally stressed you are, your pregnancy may be over well before then! How would you feel if you went into premature labor, had complications, or had your baby in the NICU for several weeks?
Noone else is thinking of you and your health, or your baby's, only you! "Maybe it's time to think like a mom!" - that's what my OB said to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, but working less that 43 hours per week is not that many hours, so, even though you are at 32 weeks, you can't expect your boss to care that you have a toddler at home....I know that sounds harsh, but if you were working 50+ hours per week, maybe you'd have room to say that the hours were unreasonable. But a 40 hour week is a 9-5 day. Most people work 8-5 or 9-6 nowadays so you are actually lucky to have a work week less than 45 hours. Good luck and I hope you can make it. Do you have family in the area that can help you on the weekends? Can your DH step up and do more at home? Maybe get a cleaning lady and order in a few dinners each week to take a bit of the home load off your plate.

Ok. I didn't read everyone's comments, but I don't agree with this comment that 40 hours is 9-5. That is definitely not the case for everyone, because for most employers, lunch time is supposed to be on your own time. Therefore, a 40 hour work week would be 8-5 w/ an hour lunch, or 8-4:30 w/ a 1/2 hour lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so angry. OP, you did say you are working on a group project, right? So if you're not doing your part, it puts a bigger burden on everyone else. Being pregnant is your choice, not your boss's. You can either handle what's asked of you, or you quit. It's not fair to put everyone else on the project in a position of having to pull your slack. Some jobs require 40 hrs a week, some 60. If you're in a job that requires 60 and you're only willing to work 40, it's not a good fit for you. So quit and let them fill your position with someone willing to pull their own weight.

I worked through 2 pregnancies in a job that was 60-70 hours a week and required a fair amount of travel. That is what the job required, and I knew that going in. It was my choice. You have choices too, but whining about working 43 hours a week while everyone around you works a lot more isn't one of them.

Very well put.

Either do your job (all of it) or quit. Those are your options.

Another shining example of how the cultural norms of this country, compared to almost every industrialized country in the world, do not support families. at all. And it seems like the females who think they have done some awesome thing by working 60 hours a week during their pregnancy are just perpetuating this.

http://www.childpolicyintl.org/issuebrief/issuebrief5.htm

"Once again, the United States is an outlier compared to other countries, both industrialized and developing, when it comes to policies that support parents' ability to be at home to care for their babies. Around the world, statutory childbirth-related leaves, both paid and unpaid, average about a year and a half. Some 128 countries currently provide paid and job-protected childbirth-related leave. The average paid leave is for 16 weeks, which includes pre- and post-birth time off. In some countries leave is mandatory and in most cases, paid leave is a maternity leave. In nearly half the countries, the paid leave replaces the full wage (or the maximum covered by social insurance). This policy affords mothers, and sometimes fathers, time to spend with their children at a critical time and reduces parental economic anxieties and pressures."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Sucked it up, generally. I find it laughable that you sound (in your original post) as if working 42 or 43 hrs is some kind of major imposition. So what if you're pregnant and have to work a weekend to complete a project? That's just the way it happens sometimes.

That's not what she's complaining about. She's saying she's going to be needed by the dept to work 60+ hours a week, and on weekends. The 40-43 hour/week is not what's bothering her. I too am surprised by the lack of civility and empathy on this board. Statements like "suck it up" and "quit your whining" are not really helpful when someone's asking for some support and wondering whether it's ok to feel how she does. Geez, is this is how some of you talk to people around you? I wouldn't be surprised if some of you are the ones who've contributed to giving female managers a really bad name.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so angry. OP, you did say you are working on a group project, right? So if you're not doing your part, it puts a bigger burden on everyone else. Being pregnant is your choice, not your boss's. You can either handle what's asked of you, or you quit. It's not fair to put everyone else on the project in a position of having to pull your slack. Some jobs require 40 hrs a week, some 60. If you're in a job that requires 60 and you're only willing to work 40, it's not a good fit for you. So quit and let them fill your position with someone willing to pull their own weight.

I worked through 2 pregnancies in a job that was 60-70 hours a week and required a fair amount of travel. That is what the job required, and I knew that going in. It was my choice. You have choices too, but whining about working 43 hours a week while everyone around you works a lot more isn't one of them.

Very well put.

Either do your job (all of it) or quit. Those are your options.

Another shining example of how the cultural norms of this country, compared to almost every industrialized country in the world, do not support families. at all. And it seems like the females who think they have done some awesome thing by working 60 hours a week during their pregnancy are just perpetuating this.

http://www.childpolicyintl.org/issuebrief/issuebrief5.htm

"Once again, the United States is an outlier compared to other countries, both industrialized and developing, when it comes to policies that support parents' ability to be at home to care for their babies. Around the world, statutory childbirth-related leaves, both paid and unpaid, average about a year and a half. Some 128 countries currently provide paid and job-protected childbirth-related leave. The average paid leave is for 16 weeks, which [b]includes pre- and post-birth time off. In some countries leave is mandatory and in most cases, paid leave is a maternity leave. In nearly half the countries, the paid leave replaces the full wage (or the maximum covered by social insurance). This policy affords mothers, and sometimes fathers, time to spend with their children at a critical time and reduces parental economic anxieties and pressures."[/b]

This, as you know is not the case in this country not will it be anytime soon. Therefore, if this is what you want, then you need to move to one of these 128 countries. If you do not choose to move then stop complaining and whining as this will change nothing. If the entire Congress, both Houses, and the White House were all women, this policy might be, and I stress might, be a tad more liberal, but not very much as these women would want to re-elected.

The policy now is heaven compared to what it was even 20 years ago. My mother worked, and had no paid time off, she made it though three maternity leaves. So did millions of other women. What makes you think you are so special?

[Anonymous]

Can we talk $$$? Ms. 60-70 hours with extensive travel is undoubtedly pulling in way more dough than our intrepid OP, Mrs. Mid-level-HR. Money can make it a lot easier to suck up bad workng conditions. Sounds like OP made a choice to prioritize work-life balance and is probably compensated accordingly, so how can you balme her for not wanting to work an additional 17 hours a week?

If you just want to bash OP rather than make helpful suggestions, you should probably STFU and find something else to do. Like, put in another few hours of work? Nothing says you have to stop at 60-70!

[Anonymous]

holy smokes you 'martyr' types really need a reality check...in canada we get 12 months of mat leaves, PAID! I don't understand how you can be so heartless, and not give any sound advice on how OP can make this work. Unbelievable. With your attitudes, no wonder the government isn't making any changes! Change can be a positive thing!