how would you handle this difficult work situation?

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP - can you get your OB to set limits on your work schedule in the third trimester? With my first pregnancy, due to various mental health issues (stress/anxiety) that my OB worried would be detrimental to the baby, she basically made me stop working two weeks before my due date. I told work that I had to do so on OB's orders. They didn't need to know the medical reason behind the order. Perhaps your OB can help set limits and give you cover?

[Anonymous]

This makes me so angry. OP, you did say you are working on a group project, right? So if you're not doing your part, it puts a bigger burden on everyone else. Being pregnant is your choice, not your boss's. You can either handle what's asked of you, or you quit. It's not fair to put everyone else on the project in a position of having to pull your slack. Some jobs require 40 hrs a week, some 60. If you're in a job that requires 60 and you're only willing to work 40, it's not a good fit for you. So quit and let them fill your position with someone willing to pull their own weight.

I worked through 2 pregnancies in a job that was 60-70 hours a week and required a fair amount of travel. That is what the job required, and I knew that going in. It was my choice. You have choices too, but whining about working 43 hours a week while everyone around you works a lot more isn't one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP - can you get your OB to set limits on your work schedule in the third trimester? With my first pregnancy, due to various mental health issues (stress/anxiety) that my OB worried would be detrimental to the baby, she basically made me stop working two weeks before my due date. I told work that I had to do so on OB's orders. They didn't need to know the medical reason behind the order. Perhaps your OB can help set limits and give you cover?

So your proposed solution is for her to ask her OB to lie for her so she doesn't have to do her job. Nice.

[Anonymous]

My suggestion is think about getting a new job...for years I spent all my time and energy at the office. I loved it, but realized I could not perform at the same level with a family. I am not a person who wants to do a job half a$$, as I am sure you are not either. I became a Fed recently, and am now 13 weeks pregnant. The hours are better, stress is less and the job is still fulfilling. You need to find something that will enable you to excel as a mom and at the office...otherwise I suspect you will never be very happy.

[Anonymous]

I think anyone who says you should suck it up, is heartless! I don't care if they did it. I remember, in my pregnancy, my manager's wife had suffered 3 miscarriages b/f they had their first child, as a result, he was SO sensitive to me being pregnant that he insisted that I work from home 3days/week if needed. I worked for a telecom company and so it was very easy to set up office from home. I could link in online easily for any meeting. I slept 2/3hrs each day but always did my work b/c they created an environment where I could get the rest I needed in the day and then work later on to finish all tasks. At the end of the day everyone was happy. Is it at all possible to continue your responsbilities, but work from home a few days a week to take the 'pressure' off. To get the nap that your body might desperately need? I recall walking into our 'nurses' office and begging to use their bed to nap otherwise I knew I would collapse and I considered my pregancy easy, but EXHAUSTING! So I feel you being tired. So I urge you to take care of yourself, and don't push yourself past what you can do. They'd get rid ofyou in a second and never look back if they had to, so really put yourself first!!!!

[Anonymous]

omg i can't believe how heartless people are! Pregnancy can be difficult for some women. Not everyone has an easy breezy 9 months, and 40 + hours is HARD esp with a child at home already!!! Wow, I'm shocked at the lack of compassion. OP, honestly I wouldn't quit. I'd talk to my boss and have a really open dialogue about how you're feeling and how it's temporary. But for the next 2 months this is what you can realistically do. If your OB can back you, great. But perhaps present that if your conversation seems to not be going well. But really put your body/baby 1st! I just think if you've pulled your slack up until now you should be fine. Hang in there!!! Do what makes sense for you, and DO NOT suck it up. If any of these miserable women are the type of people you work for, I feel very sorry for you and can understand why you'd be stressed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so angry. OP, you did say you are working on a group project, right? So if you're not doing your part, it puts a bigger burden on everyone else. Being pregnant is your choice, not your boss's. You can either handle what's asked of you, or you quit. It's not fair to put everyone else on the project in a position of having to pull your slack. Some jobs require 40 hrs a week, some 60. If you're in a job that requires 60 and you're only willing to work 40, it's not a good fit for you. So quit and let them fill your position with someone willing to pull their own weight.

I worked through 2 pregnancies in a job that was 60-70 hours a week and required a fair amount of travel. That is what the job required, and I knew that going in. It was my choice. You have choices too, but whining about working 43 hours a week while everyone around you works a lot more isn't one of them.

You working 60-70 hours a week and sacrificing your family time is YOUR choice. If something happens to OP's baby due to stress or anything, she has to live with it forever, not her co workers or her boss...her and her family. OP being pregnant isn't a choice, what are her options if she wants to expand her family? No one else can do it for her. It's not an indefinite state either, it's 40 weeks. People help eachother, you're just selfish imo.

[Anonymous]

TOTALLY AGREE with PP!!! Women, lets support one another, quit the martyr act, please! And get real!

[Anonymous]

At 32 weeks pregnant I was sleeping maybe 3 or 4 hours a night thanks to intense discomfort. I was exhausted and a wreck. If I had to be a fully functioning, on my game professional for more than 45 hours a week in that scenario, yeah, I'd say that was almost untenable.

The lack of compassion some are showing on this thread is rather galling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so angry. OP, you did say you are working on a group project, right? So if you're not doing your part, it puts a bigger burden on everyone else. Being pregnant is your choice, not your boss's. You can either handle what's asked of you, or you quit. It's not fair to put everyone else on the project in a position of having to pull your slack. Some jobs require 40 hrs a week, some 60. If you're in a job that requires 60 and you're only willing to work 40, it's not a good fit for you. So quit and let them fill your position with someone willing to pull their own weight.

I worked through 2 pregnancies in a job that was 60-70 hours a week and required a fair amount of travel. That is what the job required, and I knew that going in. It was my choice. You have choices too, but whining about working 43 hours a week while everyone around you works a lot more isn't one of them.

Your statement says volumes about your priorities in life. Perhaps you and your husband (or significant other) made a decision for him to be at home more than you, but if you both work that kind of schedule, t's just very sad that you didn't consider what the "job" of parenting requires. The concept of "quality time" with your children shouldn't mean "no matter how little" the amount of time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for those who showed some compassion. I am certainly not in "big law" and in fact, as I said, am in a mid level position. Unfortunately, HR cannot help me because I am in HR. The job was not this way when I took it (and I never would have taken it if I had known the requirements were going to change like this). When hired, I specifically asked about travel and overtime and was told little to NO travel and infrequent overtime. Fast forward 6-7 months and we have new leadership and I have been required to travel quite a bit (which I have done) ad they clearly want me to work significat overtime. So no, I did not sign up for this and I would not have signed up for this. At this point, I am not trying to move up the corporate ladder. I have to work to live. I do not live to work and do not ever plan to be a VP etc. I just want to do my job and go home to my family. I want to do a good job and I want to contribute but I have been around long enough that I do not feel it is necessary to sacrifice my personal life for a company that will forget about me as soon as I am gone. I am going to be looking for another job as soon as I am no longer pregnant (and in fact have updated my resume and submitted it to a couple of places). Thanks again to those who get it. For those who choose to work 50-60 hours a week, good for you and I wish I had your energy and interest in doing that. I do not. Nor do I have a husband who shares the burden at home. It is the way it is. He has his good points and I am trying to accept him for his not so good points (including not stepping enough at home).

[Anonymous]

OP here again, meant to end that with not stepping up enough at home.

And also, to the poster who told me to quit whining and think about my team (14:02)...like I said, I did not sign up for this and specifically was looking for a job where this kind of thing would not be required. There has been some serious mismanagement going on at my work and that is the reason for the project with a short timeline and "sacrifices needed." I don't expect you to understand (and clearly you don't) but get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Let's broaden the perspective here a bit, shall we?

Something has gone seriously wrong in this country when a 60 hour workweek is considered to be normal - for anyone, regardless of gender or family situation. It's not like this in other countries, nor other cities.

OP, I, for one, don't think you're selfish, lazy, OR crazy. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP--I feel for you. Change in management/ownership is always trying when you signed up for one thing and end up with something else. I also understand not wanting to be a 60-70 hr/week person and know that there are plenty of jobs that don't require it. Non-profits, small businesses, government. I am surprised that in HR you have to work such crazy hours and travel so much as most people I know in HR got into that line of work because it tends to be a straight 9-5.

Definitely do what works for you. Not for your employer. If, god forbid, you lose your child due to stresses at work, what is work going to do for you? Send you some flowers? That is a nice gesture but they aren't going to take your pain and heartache away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's broaden the perspective here a bit, shall we?

Something has gone seriously wrong in this country when a 60 hour workweek is considered to be normal - for anyone, regardless of gender or family situation. It's not like this in other countries, nor other cities.

OP, I, for one, don't think you're selfish, lazy, OR crazy. Good luck.

She sounds as though she is always the victim. OP, here's a clue: stop being the victim of your life! Nobody likes perpetual victims.