Saying “what” after someone asks you something is so incredibly rude

[Anonymous]

I tend to say what when I don’t understand some disparaging or snarky remark. English as a second language and sometimes I miss things. The what is actually a reflex but it seems to have the secondary effect of making the person rethink their words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you this triggered by the word what?

The only one I get annoyed by is DH when he does this. It’s obvious he did hear me but didn’t like what I said so he does this. So I don’t say anything and just look at him blankly in silence. But that is a different situation.

It’s the tone that triggers people. It’s never said in the same tone as “pardon?” Or “sorry”

[Anonymous]

I don't find it rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve talked about this very subject with my family and friends who are white. I am white.

Exactly none of us find this rude

However, I’ve had my ass handed to me on more than one occasion at work when I have responded “what? “ to an African-American colleague. One woman absolutely lied to me and told me to never do that again and then didn’t speak to me.

This is in the District of Columbia and the black women who decided to lash out at me are DC residents and DC natives

Ha! Welcome to DC. This is a right of passage! Black women in office jobs in DC often times like to make life difficult for their white coworkers lol. It’s a form of “payback”.

That is being racist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about incredibly rude, but there’s definitely better ways to put it.

I went to college in southern Ohio, and some people from that area would say “please?” if they missed part of the conversation. At first, it was completely confusing and I haven’t heard it since I moved to the DMV.

I’m from Cincinnati, we do this. I’ve been told it’s from German. Much more polite than what.

[Anonymous]

I don't find this rude.

[Anonymous]

It's not rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve talked about this very subject with my family and friends who are white. I am white.

Exactly none of us find this rude

However, I’ve had my ass handed to me on more than one occasion at work when I have responded “what? “ to an African-American colleague. One woman absolutely lied to me and told me to never do that again and then didn’t speak to me.

This is in the District of Columbia and the black women who decided to lash out at me are DC residents and DC natives

Ha! Welcome to DC. This is a right of passage! Black women in office jobs in DC often times like to make life difficult for their white coworkers lol. It’s a form of “payback”.

What

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about incredibly rude, but there’s definitely better ways to put it.

I went to college in southern Ohio, and some people from that area would say “please?” if they missed part of the conversation. At first, it was completely confusing and I haven’t heard it since I moved to the DMV.

omg I met someone from Kentucky who said that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not apologizing for not being able to hear, you’re acknowledging the inconvenience of making them repeat themself.

However, sometimes the "inconvenience" is on them because I am busy reading or doing another task, and the speaker does not have my attention. The first time they spoke just got my attention. So, no, I'm not going to apologize to them for the necessity of repeating their statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about incredibly rude, but there’s definitely better ways to put it.

I went to college in southern Ohio, and some people from that area would say “please?” if they missed part of the conversation. At first, it was completely confusing and I haven’t heard it since I moved to the DMV.

I’m from Cincinnati, we do this. I’ve been told it’s from German. Much more polite than what.

Except we have no clue what you want when you say this... same with "excuse me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure in traditional upper class England "what" is much more polite than "pardon"

No, that's not about being polite. It's a social class marker in the UK.

A polite upper class person says "what", while a polite chav says "pardon", thinking he/she is posh.

Source: I taught in a UK boarding school for three years, working with a lot of upper class Brits, young and old. The obsession with social class is even more intense in the UK than on DCUM, and their rules and metrics are even more intricate.

“What” is commonly used in casual conversation whilst “Sorry?” Or “sorry could you repeat that?” Is commonly used in more formal settings. In true British form, one must apologize to the speaker for the speaker’s inability to speak clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about incredibly rude, but there’s definitely better ways to put it.

I went to college in southern Ohio, and some people from that area would say “please?” if they missed part of the conversation. At first, it was completely confusing and I haven’t heard it since I moved to the DMV.

I grew up in Cincinnati. We all learned to say " please" as shorthand for " please repeat". I can tell someone's economic class by their manners or lack thereof.

[Anonymous]

It’s not rude. You have some kind of verbal OCD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not apologizing for not being able to hear, you’re acknowledging the inconvenience of making them repeat themself.

However, sometimes the "inconvenience" is on them because I am busy reading or doing another task, and the speaker does not have my attention. The first time they spoke just got my attention. So, no, I'm not going to apologize to them for the necessity of repeating their statement.

This is pretty common in the workplace now.
It's "can you repeat that I was multi-tasking'
Yes. It's super annoying for me to repeat in a meeting where you probably should not have been reading or doing another task. But I get it. It's a norm now. You don't need to apologize and I'll repeat the question.

We're almost getting to a point where we need to do a walkie-talkie style check in before each interaction:

PM here- Joe check in.
Joe- Go for Joe.
PM- Joe, what is the status of the TPS report?