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Anonymous wrote:Get proper clothes. Merino wool, real shearling, and silk baselayers are your friend. Then if you’re still cold one of the rechargeable heated vests.
Children need to play outside every day unless the weather makes that actually dangerous (sleet, rain heavy enough to make equipment slippery). If you truly can’t or won’t provide that, pay someone to do it.
Did you go to the park every day when you were a kid? I truly can’t believe the amount of pressure parents put on themselves today. Many Parents have other things to do in a day and don’t have hours to spend at a playground. It’s truly unbelievable.
I take my kid to a park sometimes. Sometimes I don’t. And I feel zero guilt.
Everyone needs to get outside every day. PP didn’t say to a park, just getting outside. Go for a walk.
+1. It doesn’t have to be to stand around at a playground but everyone (kids and adults!) should go outside daily, if just for a walk!
Also we don’t live in Maine. There are very very few days in this area where it would be dangerous to go out.
But that's not what the thread is about. Sure, prioritize a little time outside every day. Yesterday was cold so we walked to a restaurant near our house so we could spend some time outside. We didn't spend hours at a playground because I'm not a masochist and it was TOO COLD. Yes, even in DC.
Sometimes it's too cold for the playground and you do other stuff.
It was 45 degrees outside yesterday. Unless you’re literally a newborn or so impoverished you cannot afford even basic outerwear, the choice not to be outside is just laziness and unwillingness to take action on behalf your kids best interest, which, yes, includes outdoor play. Grow up.
Hmmm. . .
Lots of things are in a child’s best interest:
sports
music lessons
religious instruction (or instruction on why your family isn’t religious)
time with extended family
playdates
museums
libraries
nature centers and zoos
reading together with your child
having your child read alone
learning a second language
doing crafts
doing science experiments
cooking together
playing games together
exposing your child to various styles of performances
exposing your child to other cultures
doing chores
snuggle time
etc.
and don’t forget -
getting a good night’s sleep (for both child and parent)
There really isn’t enough time to do everything that individually might be in a child’s best interest, every day. Putting pressure on both the kids and the parents to cram as much as possible into every available second doesn’t seem like it’s actually in the child best interest, either. Maybe, part of growing up is recognizing that everything has an opportunity cost, that you can’t do it all, but that’s okay, and that you need to find the balance
that’s right for you. If the optimal balance for your family is to prioritize daily playground time, that’s great for you, but it might not be the best balance for another family. They, however, may offer their kids wonderful opportunities that you don’t, in part because you’re busy on the playground (as opposed to being lazy). Your time on the playground doesn’t make you a better parent any more than their time doing another activity makes them superior to you, and it’s not a competition. Each family has to consider their respective priorities, strengths and weaknesses, as well as the needs of the individual child. It seems like trying to meet an arbitrary standard that’s popular on social media is neither “grown up” nor necessarily in the best interest of a specific child.
None of the things you list keeps you from taking your kid outside for a couple hours on the weekend. You don’t want to because means you’ll be fractionally uncomfortable. That is immaturity.
You’re right, no one activity does. However, it is impossible to do all activities and choices have to be made. My point is that while
playground time is a great activity for kids, it is not necessarily more important than other great activities for kids. Kids should definitely have some playground time in their lives (like OP’s child gets at school) but they need other things too.
OP’s parent apparently is sensitive to the cold. She could suffer through playground time making herself miserable, and probably end up grouchy and tired, or she could play to her strengths. While parents can and often do choose to support their child in ways that are unpleasant (whether at a fractionally uncomfortable level or that of abject misery), there is no special virtue in martyrdom alone. I’m sure if OP’s child only got playground time with OP, she’d do whatever it took to arrange it. However, since the child does get playground time during the week, they might benefit more from spending that time doing something with mom that they don’t get to do during the week. Maybe OP will teach the kid piano, or they’ll make a piñata together and have a family fiesta. Maybe they’ll put together a big puzzle or go bowling with friends. Maybe they’ll take turns reading the next book in a series together or visit grandma. There’s an infinite number of possibilities but finite time during the day.
You could equally say that spending time at the playground doesn’t keep you from doing any of those things, but you can’t do them all in the same day, let alone all the other wonderful possibilities. It doesn’t make you immature, it makes you realistic. You choose your activities on any particular day according to what you think are in your child’s best interest. Over time you probably cover most things to some extent, with some activities eventually getting more time than others as your priorities adapt to the needs of your child, yourself, and your family as a whole. Ultimately, I think you need look at the bigger picture of the child’s overall experience and that myopically focusing on a singular aspect, such as daily playground time, causes a distortion.
It is, though. The studies about the detriment for children of not having
sufficient outdoor time are plentiful. And thats the complaint— being outside makes OP chilly so she doesn’t wanna. Well, parenting isn’t for those who don’t wanna. Get some wool socks and grow up.
Nobody is suggesting that outdoor time is not important for kids - not OP, not myself, nor the other posters who have suggested that a little flexibility is not necessarily catastrophic. The difference of opinion seems to be what constitutes “sufficient”.
Do the plentiful studies about the importance of outdoor time specify that it has to be 7 days a week at a playground? How about 5 days a week at school
and the kid can play in the backyard or bike around the neighborhood on the weekend? What if the kid plays sports and has practice during the week and games on the weekend? Did they factor in indoor exercise? Did they compare playground time 5 days a week and bonding time with a happy engaged parent at home on the weekend with 7 days at the playground, but then the parent is tired, grumpy, and sore the rest of the weekend? Is there even universal consensus on “sufficient” outdoor time, and are you sure that whatever time you allot fulfills it?
I’m sure there have also been studies about the detriment to children who don’t spend “sufficient” time in other ways. How do you decide which demand to prioritize? Is it possible that different children may have different requirements? Maybe some children need more time outside (or socializing, reading, expressing themselves artistically, etc.) than others.
If a family lives someplace where outdoor activities are unhealthy, do they need to move? Should we have the federal government condemn entire geographic areas if the kids don’t meet a certain quota of playground hours? If a parent has to work too many hours to spend daily time at the playground, should they do as a PP recommended and have an abortion? What if they expected to be able to visit the playground daily, but have a catastrophic health issue - should they give the child up for adoption?
Good grief, the idea of a parent doing something with a child that doesn’t involve them meeting a daily playground quota has caused more outrage than other threads I’ve read about parents smoking marijuana or allowing teens to drink at parties (things which I believe studies have also found detrimental to kids).
Yes, we all agree that playground time is good, but I don’t see it as the ultimate measure of parenting. There are far too many cases of parents who neglect their children, but a parent who chooses on some weekends, to do activities at home with their child or take them someplace besides a playground is not inherently neglectful. It may not be ideal, but parents are just human, and none of us is ideal.
Can you honestly say that you are the ideal parent, in every way, all the time? Is every meal and snack you serve perfectly balanced nutrition nutritionally (because studies have shown poor nutrition to be detrimental to kids)? Do your kids get the ideal amount of sleep every night (as well as yourself so that you can perform optimally as a parent)? Do you encourage them in every activity they want to pursue while at the same time ensuring they’re not over programmed? You may be the very best parent on the planet - gold star for you, but I bet there is some area in which you aren’t perfect and you live with it. You know how hard you work to be a good parent, and although you may feel guilty that you can’t do everything, you accept it.
I just think we need to extend grace towards other parents. We don’t need to tear other parents down because they stay at home or have a career, breast feed or use formula, sleep train or get up when the baby cries, etc., or even occasionally choose not to go to the playground. Other parents may not make the same choices we would, they may not make the ideal choice in an ideal situation, but ultimately they have to make the best choices for their family. As the saying goes, “perfection is the enemy of good”, and while research studies are designed to isolate variables, reality is a lot messier and requires evaluating “good” more holistically.
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