Help me entertain my bump-on-a-log family over Xmas

[Anonymous]

OP I have no suggestions but my mother is the exact same! It IS hard to describe because it’s such unusual behavior. My mother will literally sit and talk at me, about mundane and superficial stuff, for five straight days. She will not offer to help with anything. I’ve had to ask her to life her feet so I could sweep or vacuum around her. She sits while I make dinner. She sits while I set the table. She sits while I do the dishes, fold the laundry, talk to my kids.

Even me texting someone or answering an email means she sits there and stares at me while I do it, often while talking about something random.

I put out a nice jigsaw puzzle on her last visit. She literally stood behind me watching me work in the puzzle. I asked if she wanted to join and she said no. Stood and watched me work on the puzzle for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Day trip to Frederick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are my tips:

Drive-thru light show and dinner out after.

If mom cooks, pop her on a counter stool or at the table and give her a job (snap beans, form cookie balls, etc...), drink this while I cook, etc...

Movie nights at home after dinner: Elf? A Newflix movie? A new release rental? Eat dinner then go to the sofa and serve dessert/cookies while you watch a movie and have less pressure to talk. After the movie yawn and say "That was fun, see you in the morning!"

Will you mom get her nails done?

If BIL wants to go to a sports game, great. Let your DH do that. Or just turn on sports.

Set out a big puzzle, or the giant holiday crossword and let people do that all week.

I agree with this! I had my mom snapping beans for Thanksgiving. She has so much anxiety and it's contagious and I think allowing down to sit and snap beans (a lot! We hosted 30 people) calmed her mind down and we actually had a good conversation while I cooked and she helped prep.

A jigsaw puzzle is also a great idea. Some of my "bump on a log" relatives are wonderful people with neat stories but it takes a little work to curate the environment to get them to be comfortable being themselves.

I also need to work on myself to practice being okay with just being together in silence sometimes.
I think like many DC people I'm a very active Type A personality so need to chill myself and realize we don't need to fill every moment. The things that are dreadfully boring to me may be just enough for some people. Neither is right or wrong. This has gotten slightly easier since I took up meditating (which is still sometimes torturous but getting better). And I go for a long run in the mornings. And sometimes another in the evening or midday when I realize I "forgot" to pick up an ingredient. That makes it easier to be with my mom who could be happy just staring at me.

This is so lovely and compassionate.

Thank you for saying that. I still have a ton of work to do and probably always will, but just starting deliberately practicing compassion over the last year has been hugely beneficial to my own sense of well-being and ability to be accepting of others, even of the part of me that thinks it's hippy dippy woo woo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have no suggestions but my mother is the exact same! It IS hard to describe because it’s such unusual behavior. My mother will literally sit and talk at me, about mundane and superficial stuff, for five straight days. She will not offer to help with anything. I’ve had to ask her to life her feet so I could sweep or vacuum around her. She sits while I make dinner. She sits while I set the table. She sits while I do the dishes, fold the laundry, talk to my kids.

Even me texting someone or answering an email means she sits there and stares at me while I do it, often while talking about something random.

I put out a nice jigsaw puzzle on her last visit. She literally stood behind me watching me work in the puzzle. I asked if she wanted to join and she said no. Stood and watched me work on the puzzle for an hour.

Lol, this is the meditating pp and I don't think I could handle someone behind me watching me do the puzzle! I think I'd have to make it a game, like running around the house doing different random activities and seeing if Mom could keep up.

I hope you have people in your life (or sites like this) to get some commiseration in real time!

[Anonymous]

One of those pottery painting places is always a big hit with our grandma with mobility issues.

[Anonymous]

Always have a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle set up nearby.
Visit Strathmore Music Center, Rockville MD- a variety of Xmas/ holiday shows & reasonable prices.
Mount Vernon tour

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We too are avoiding KC.

Fords Theatre for A Christmas Carol
Grinch starts at National Theatre Dec 30
Step Afrika!'s Magical Musical Holiday Step Show at Arena Stage
Fiddler on the Roof at Signature Theatre

I went to Figaro at the KC and if you didn't know that Figaro is a F you to ruling monarchs, well it is. There is fight left at the KC. It just may nit be as obvious to the average person.

+1 Figaro is subversive. Loved the WNO's production. If you are boycotting the KC, consider making an exception for the WNO and NSO. This is what many are doing.

OP +1 to Miracle on 34th St musical or the PP's list of shows.
Rent movies to fill the time, or find a mild, easy TV show to watch together.
Ask them to chop vegetables, polish candlesticks, etc. while you are cooking.
The Caps practices are local and open to the public. Their practice schedule is published online.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you all go to the Caps game and then all go to a show? Why gender divide it up when instead you can have two activities on the agenda?

Decorate gingerbread house kits (get the kind where the house is already assembled).
Decorate cookies.
Do you have Jackbox and is that something they’d like? Do they like games in general, or cards?
Prep vegetables.

[Anonymous]

Go to the movies and out to eat. Buy puzzles and games and play with movies playing in the background. Run errands for a few hours without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why so expensive? Just go to the movies and get a couple of jigsaw puzzles.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would honestly leave them on the couch and go out with immediate family. Seems like outings are too much work/anxiety for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have no suggestions but my mother is the exact same! It IS hard to describe because it’s such unusual behavior. My mother will literally sit and talk at me, about mundane and superficial stuff, for five straight days. She will not offer to help with anything. I’ve had to ask her to life her feet so I could sweep or vacuum around her. She sits while I make dinner. She sits while I set the table. She sits while I do the dishes, fold the laundry, talk to my kids.

Even me texting someone or answering an email means she sits there and stares at me while I do it, often while talking about something random.

I put out a nice jigsaw puzzle on her last visit. She literally stood behind me watching me work in the puzzle. I asked if she wanted to join and she said no. Stood and watched me work on the puzzle for an hour.

Are we related pp?

My mom would actually follow me around her own house while I was doing chores for her she specifically asked me to do, while going on nonstop about relative drama. I would have to go out and take a walk everyday just to not go insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and brother are visiting (for too long) over Xmas. Need ideas to entertain them and keep my sanity. We are in Fairfax Cty and the two of them will literally sit on my couch and stare at me for 5 days if I don’t figure out what to do with them. And no, neither will offer up anything, entertain themselves, or even cook a meal or lift a finger while they are here. We have decades of family trauma and dysfunction to tip toe around, so I am just trying to get them out of the house once a day for some distraction.

About them:
—Mom is mid-70s. Fairly overweight which limits her mobility. Everything is a production and wants to know “the plan” multiple times a day. Lives in the South so cold weather is also a challenge for her.
—Brother is mid-50s. Single. An unflattering description would be that he’s the comic book store guy from The Simpsons.

I will also have two college-age/recent grad children at home.

Some ideas:
—Husband takes brother and my son to Caps or Wizards game
—I take mom and my daughter to a show. Not thrilled about going downtown with mom, but will for something of interest. May opt for Miracle on 34th St musical at Capital One Hall. Boycotting KC.
—They’ve done various Smithsonian stuff before, but don’t think either has done the Spy museum.

How do you keep family busy when visiting? I wish we could be a normal family, but we’re well past any chance of that happening.

Do they complain about being bored? They are old enough to figure our what they want to do. Just make suggestions and let tgem figure it out.

[Anonymous]

So many daytrips you can take and just get out of the car for lunch (make sure to use the option to "Avoid Highways" on maps).

--A couple simple diners off of I-81 are Southern Kitchen or Rt 11 diner. Both just over an hour away.
--Applehouse in Linden VA, cute store too
--Mountain View Diner in Frederick
--Secret Garden Cafe in Occoquan
--drive the Snickersville Turnpike to Bluemont Country Store or the Bluemont Station Brewery (closed Tues-Wed). I don't drink but like their food in the old Manor House.