Should You Tell a Stranger Her Mole May be Suspicious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a busybody.

You haven't had deadly skin cancer touch your life. If you think it's suspicious, try to think of an honest segway. If a loved one had skin cancer just explain you are hypervigilant and you don't want to offend, but just suggest she get it checked out if she hasn't already. You could admit you don't want to offend and you hope you are wrong and she thinks you are crazy, but.... Melanoma is an absolute nightmare if not caught early enough.

Honestly, I'd be fine with a stranger saying something like this to me. "It's probably more my neurosis than any actual risk to you, but having recently lost a family member to melanoma, I've gotten kinda compulsive about reminding people to get their annual skin check. Just a friendly nudge, if you haven't had one recently"

It's not diagnostic; I'm not qualified to diagnose. But I can remind people to get their skin checks, bewbsquishes, etc., and I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of moles (several matching this description) and I get checked every year. People have told me that they were worried about one of mine and assure them that they are OK. None of the ones that people have mentioned have been biopsied by my derm, so I'd just let it go. I've always read the warning signs were ABCD, asymmetrical, border (vague is bad), color (change is bad but I'm not sure on that one) and diameter (over a certain size).

Yeah, the D there is "the size of a pencil eraser".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In core class today, a woman who looked to be in her late 50s had a somewhat raised, very dark brown-blackish mole the diameter of a pencil eraser on her back.

I'm not a dermatologist and don't profess to have any medical knowledge about skin cancer. I'm a redhead who's had 2 uncles with melanoma (one died, one didn't). I get yearly skin checks and have had lots of questionable moles removed.

Would you have said anything?

YES. My high school friend had a lifelong striped mole under her fingernail that we all thought of as a birthmark. It was melanoma, and killed her in college. I tell anyone I see with a suspicious fingernail mole to have it checked out. Most have. Unfortunately, the doctors themselves didn't catch my friend's .

[Anonymous]

I would, in a friendly (not ominous) way.

You risk awkwardness/embarrassment…but when the possible return is saving someone’s life, put aside that risk. You will likely never see the person again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you describe does not have the hallmarks of a cancerous mole. The shade of a mole is not a sing of cancer -- some people are prone to darker moles than others, it has to do with other factors, not cancer. Also a mole being larger or raised, on its own, is not a sign of cancer. Some people are born with large and/or raised moles and they are totally benign.

The two biggest signs of cancer in moles are asymmetry and shifting borders. Asymmetry does not refer to the shape of the mole but more general opinion. A mole that is dark and rounded on one side but lighter and more amorphous on the other side is a sign you should get it checked out, for instance. And if the mole changes over time, scabs or bleeds, appears to get thicker, those are also negative signs.

It's actually pretty rare that someone will be able to tell these things in passing on a stranger, especially if you have no medical training. If it's just a dark and raised mole, that on its own means nothing except that it's more noticeable to you.

You are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be a Seborrheic Keratosis growth which is non cancerous.

I have a lot of these and I would be pretty annoyed if a stranger pointed them out and said I needed to get them checked out.

Why don’t you get them removed?

Not pp, but also have lots of these. Why should I undergo the time, expense, and pain of a medical procedure to remove them, when they don’t bother me?

They are numerous, the dermatologist said I could remove them if the way they look bothers me. It doesn’t.

This. This is like asking "why don't women with A cups all get boob jobs?" or "why don't people with light eyebrows all get tattooed eyebrows?" The answer is: because they don't want to and those are things people should do for themselves and not because some rando on the internet or in their core class decided they'd look better that way.

Not even close. Someone with a mole on their back who maybe does not see a dermatologist might not be aware it's even there. I, for one, would appreciate someone telling me -- even if it was something I was aware of. I would never think to compare alerting someone about suspicious mole to recommending someone get a boob job.

Really? Do you really believe a woman would not be aware of a mole the size of a pencil eraser on her back? Are you that oblivious of your own body, that you would miss something like this?

I am an older woman, who lives alone.

No one checks out my back, and non-dermatologists do a bad job determining whether moles are cancerous.

Everyone should get annual body checks from a derm.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are a dermatologist offering informed advice, do not comment on strangers' physical appearance and recommend that they seek medical help. If you get to know her, then you can consider whether to mention it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In core class today, a woman who looked to be in her late 50s had a somewhat raised, very dark brown-blackish mole the diameter of a pencil eraser on her back.

I'm not a dermatologist and don't profess to have any medical knowledge about skin cancer. I'm a redhead who's had 2 uncles with melanoma (one died, one didn't). I get yearly skin checks and have had lots of questionable moles removed.

Would you have said anything?

I would tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would, in a friendly (not ominous) way.

You risk awkwardness/embarrassment…but when the possible return is saving someone’s life, put aside that risk. You will likely never see the person again.

Everyone knows to get moles checked. This is the equivalent of telling someone who is smoking a cigarette that it could cause cancer. You are not out here "saving lives".

If, for example, you know of a VERY specific symptom of a RARE disease because you know someone with that condition (e.g., the left earlobe looks a specific way 24-48 hours before someone has a stroke related to a rare, often undiagnosed infection and you know this bc your best friend died from it), consider mentioning it. If your "lifesaving" advice amounts to "you should get moles checked," "fast food/smoking is bad for you," etc., you are not being helpful enough to violate social norms.

[Anonymous]

If I knew enough about them, I would, but I don't so I won't

Don't forget about this hocky fan who alerted a Kraken player to his issue:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/victoriaforster/2022/01/03/hockey-fan-spots-cancerous-mole-on-staff-members-neck-at-game/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would, in a friendly (not ominous) way.

You risk awkwardness/embarrassment…but when the possible return is saving someone’s life, put aside that risk. You will likely never see the person again.

Everyone knows to get moles checked. This is the equivalent of telling someone who is smoking a cigarette that it could cause cancer. You are not out here "saving lives".

If, for example, you know of a VERY specific symptom of a RARE disease because you know someone with that condition (e.g., the left earlobe looks a specific way 24-48 hours before someone has a stroke related to a rare, often undiagnosed infection and you know this bc your best friend died from it), consider mentioning it. If your "lifesaving" advice amounts to "you should get moles checked," "fast food/smoking is bad for you," etc., you are not being helpful enough to violate social norms.

You would be surprised by how many people do NOT regularly see a dermatologist, nor are they concerned about moles.

[Anonymous]

If you have a genuine concern just let her know. I would never take offense to someone showing real concern for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a genuine concern just let her know. I would never take offense to someone showing real concern for me.

The problem though is that OP doesn't seem concerned about this woman. She just seems grossed out by the mole.

A mole being very dark is not a sign of melanoma. The fact that it's raised could be, maybe, but isn't enough on its own.

If OP were a derm and recognized signs of a concerning mole, yes say something. But OP has no idea if the mole is concerning, she simply knows it exists. Her comment would only make the woman feel self conscious.

[Anonymous]

If the woman has a romantic partner/close female friends and relatives then she knows about the mole, even if it’s not in a location she would see.