Annual "I'm sad my child is leaving" thread

[Anonymous]

We joke that if our oldest doesn't get a job, we'll probably only get to be empty nesters for one year, since our kids only overlap in college for one year. We're going to have a blast that year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume sure most of the people reading/posting on this thread are moms. I’ll say for any dads reading this — you may want to give some thought to drop off before it happens. I was raised in the “men don’t show their emotions” culture, and my interactions with my son for most of his life were things like rebounding for him, spotting him while lifting, and long conversation driving to and from sports practices and games. In the days leading up to dropping him off, there were times when I didn’t think I’d hold it together when the time came. I thought a lot about what my kid needed from me, and drop off went fine, but I think it was because I took some time to really think about it.

That is lovely. What a great dad you are. Don't forget it, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine come home at least once a month for weekend or more. Talk every day. It’s a bit more time for you - freedom to not cook dinner every night! Less laundry! But they will be back for weeks at break time and it’s like nothing changed

So your kids didn’t go far away? That’s totally different from parents who have kids really launching from the nest and heading to the opposite coast or Europe for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know it’s hard. Here’s what I try to remember: It was my job to get DC to this pivotal stage of life. I’ve done that job well, with a combination of love, hard work, and a bit of luck. How fortunate am I to even be here to help DC in the transition to college? Several people I’ve known over the years did not have that gift - including assorted friends and my own father.

I’m no longer religious, but recall the Biblical admonition to rejoice in every day. That’s what I try to do, because every day - with its ups and downs - is precious.

Wishing you well in the coming weeks.

All of this. And remember OP, there is but one alternative: Your DC NOT going to college, or off to do something independent. Is that really what you want? A path that may lead to a 25 year old living in your basement, playing video games all day?!

The alternative is not going back in time and keeping them young and under your care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dd has been prepping me for the separation and she doesn't realize it....she's always out with friends (their last summer together), working a ton (saving for a car), on a long run (still loves her XC teammates), and the list goes on.
We are like passing ships in the night and she is home here and there for family time, but not like it used to be.

But her being "gone from the house" daily has sorta acclimated me to what Aug 20 (and beyond) will be like after her move-in day and ill drive home solo and walk onto a quiet house.

I feel the same. I never see my kid--August won't feel much different!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume sure most of the people reading/posting on this thread are moms. I’ll say for any dads reading this — you may want to give some thought to drop off before it happens. I was raised in the “men don’t show their emotions” culture, and my interactions with my son for most of his life were things like rebounding for him, spotting him while lifting, and long conversation driving to and from sports practices and games. In the days leading up to dropping him off, there were times when I didn’t think I’d hold it together when the time came. I thought a lot about what my kid needed from me, and drop off went fine, but I think it was because I took some time to really think about it.

That is lovely. What a great dad you are. Don't forget it, please.

Did you ever see Rob Lowe’s article/ book about this? One of the saddest things I’ve read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume sure most of the people reading/posting on this thread are moms. I’ll say for any dads reading this — you may want to give some thought to drop off before it happens. I was raised in the “men don’t show their emotions” culture, and my interactions with my son for most of his life were things like rebounding for him, spotting him while lifting, and long conversation driving to and from sports practices and games. In the days leading up to dropping him off, there were times when I didn’t think I’d hold it together when the time came. I thought a lot about what my kid needed from me, and drop off went fine, but I think it was because I took some time to really think about it.

That is lovely. What a great dad you are. Don't forget it, please.

Did you ever see Rob Lowe’s article/ book about this? One of the saddest things I’ve read.

DP. I hadn’t so I went looking for it.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/05/rob-lowe-on-sending-his-son-off-to-college-an-excerpt-from-love-life.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume sure most of the people reading/posting on this thread are moms. I’ll say for any dads reading this — you may want to give some thought to drop off before it happens. I was raised in the “men don’t show their emotions” culture, and my interactions with my son for most of his life were things like rebounding for him, spotting him while lifting, and long conversation driving to and from sports practices and games. In the days leading up to dropping him off, there were times when I didn’t think I’d hold it together when the time came. I thought a lot about what my kid needed from me, and drop off went fine, but I think it was because I took some time to really think about it.

That is lovely. What a great dad you are. Don't forget it, please.

This is beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the dad. We have two kids. My first (boy) is taking a gap year and will be traveling abroad for 7 of the next 9 months. He deferred admission to Fall 2026. This will be a tough try-out for us. My wife thinks I’m just ok with the whole thing. But admittedly, I cry every day driving back home from work. We have an amazing relationship and so many interests that we share (golf, football, soccer, travel and movies). I’m so happy and proud of my kid and I know he will do great. But I know it will be very hard for me. Not sure If I’m doing it right by trying to hide my feelings from everyone at home. Nobody needs a dad being sad. My daughter is a Soph in HS and she even mentioned that it will prob be though for me. I dont want my son to be sad , so Im trying my best to be strong and 100% supportive about everything, but I cant deny it is tearing me apart inside. Sorry for the rambling as I’m crying as I’m typing….hiding from everyone.

It is about him, not me. We did our best to give them wings. I want them to fly, but the heart aches so much.

Been trying to do as many things as possible with him before he goes.

I’m just glad there are dads posting here too and not just moms. I hear you brother. I feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine come home at least once a month for weekend or more. Talk every day. It’s a bit more time for you - freedom to not cook dinner every night! Less laundry! But they will be back for weeks at break time and it’s like nothing changed

So your kids didn’t go far away? That’s totally different from parents who have kids really launching from the nest and heading to the opposite coast or Europe for college.

Don't be a snoot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume sure most of the people reading/posting on this thread are moms. I’ll say for any dads reading this — you may want to give some thought to drop off before it happens. I was raised in the “men don’t show their emotions” culture, and my interactions with my son for most of his life were things like rebounding for him, spotting him while lifting, and long conversation driving to and from sports practices and games. In the days leading up to dropping him off, there were times when I didn’t think I’d hold it together when the time came. I thought a lot about what my kid needed from me, and drop off went fine, but I think it was because I took some time to really think about it.

That is lovely. What a great dad you are. Don't forget it, please.

Did you ever see Rob Lowe’s article/ book about this? One of the saddest things I’ve read.

The poster you're responding to - yes, I had seen that when it was first written.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know it’s hard. Here’s what I try to remember: It was my job to get DC to this pivotal stage of life. I’ve done that job well, with a combination of love, hard work, and a bit of luck. How fortunate am I to even be here to help DC in the transition to college? Several people I’ve known over the years did not have that gift - including assorted friends and my own father.

I’m no longer religious, but recall the Biblical admonition to rejoice in every day. That’s what I try to do, because every day - with its ups and downs - is precious.

Wishing you well in the coming weeks.

All of this. And remember OP, there is but one alternative: Your DC NOT going to college, or off to do something independent. Is that really what you want? A path that may lead to a 25 year old living in your basement, playing video games all day?!

The alternative is not going back in time and keeping them young and under your care.

+1. OP is mourning an end, when it may not be. It wasn’t for my child. My child became severely depressed first year, eventually leading to need to drop out, come back home, get into serious therapy, and eventually go back to college. It was a years long process, and one I couldn’t have imagined.

You don’t know where life will take you. All you can do is enjoy the moment you’re in. Don’t lose that moment lost in thoughts about what might not even happen.