Help me prepare…going from 3 to 4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of four it was a lovely, fun way to grow up. Personally I could never have 4 (I do have 3 though) and have a whole new level of appreciation for my parents. There is a 9 year spread among the four of us.

I'm one of 4 too with the exact same age gaps op will have it was not fun. And the vast majority of people I know who came from families with 4+ kids feel the same way. The only exceptions are those brainwashed by religion. And the clueless youngest child.

Enough of this crap. We're not going back to the era of 4 or more kids being the norm it's detrimental for women and kids. Keep this BS propaganda off DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of four it was a lovely, fun way to grow up. Personally I could never have 4 (I do have 3 though) and have a whole new level of appreciation for my parents. There is a 9 year spread among the four of us.

I'm one of 4 too with the exact same age gaps op will have it was not fun. And the vast majority of people I know who came from families with 4+ kids feel the same way. The only exceptions are those brainwashed by religion. And the clueless youngest child.

Enough of this crap. We're not going back to the era of 4 or more kids being the norm it's detrimental for women and kids. Keep this BS propaganda off DCUM

No one is spouting propaganda except you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of four it was a lovely, fun way to grow up. Personally I could never have 4 (I do have 3 though) and have a whole new level of appreciation for my parents. There is a 9 year spread among the four of us.

I'm one of 4 too with the exact same age gaps op will have it was not fun. And the vast majority of people I know who came from families with 4+ kids feel the same way. The only exceptions are those brainwashed by religion. And the clueless youngest child.

Enough of this crap. We're not going back to the era of 4 or more kids being the norm it's detrimental for women and kids. Keep this BS propaganda off DCUM

No one is spouting propaganda except you

Op is propaganda and her multiple big family threads. About 4 or more kids.
The pining for big family threads.
Etc etc
It's all part of an agenda and it needs to be squashed.

I’m the one of four you responded to. We all love coming from a “bigger” family. Not brainwashed and not setting an agenda (we’re all pretty liberal). As I said, I personally wouldn’t be able to handle 4 kids. I think if you have the right personality, resources and spacing, 4 is very doable. You sound pretty unhinged - I’m sorry you had a negative experience but it sounds like it wasn’t really about the number of kids in your family as much as it was about something that went awry in the way your parents parented.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I see my 4 kids like a fourth tour in Vietnam. Why did I do it yet again?

I do it for the pain. For the destruction. For the complete lunacy of going BACK into the jungle for a fourth time in X many years.

There are days I am very upset by the amount of money/time/chaos of such a large family. But within those days there are fleeting moments of sunshine. And for that I am grateful.

[Anonymous]

How are you going to pay for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to pay for college?

Not OP but parent of 4 kids here. It's a mix of things. First, my father opened 529s for each child and is regularly contributing. His trust directs his trustee to make sure each account reaches $200K (should he pass away before fully funding each account). He's also opened an UTMA account for each kid with about $50K. My FIL opened an UTMA account for each kid with $30K.

I separately opened my own 529s for each kid. I super funded each one at $75K at birth. That set us on a good foundation for the first five years. Then we contribute as needed. I don't want to overfund, and the beauty of having four kids is that if one gets a scholarship or takes a path other than college, I can just redirect those 529 funds to another sibling.

We have over $1M in equity in our home, so that's a nice back up plan if needed.

We also own a lot of rental properties worth maybe $3 or $4M in real estate value, I could sell one of those if needed - especially if one of my kids goes to grad school and I don't want them to take on debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to pay for college?

Not OP but parent of 4 kids here. It's a mix of things. First, my father opened 529s for each child and is regularly contributing. His trust directs his trustee to make sure each account reaches $200K (should he pass away before fully funding each account). He's also opened an UTMA account for each kid with about $50K. My FIL opened an UTMA account for each kid with $30K.

I separately opened my own 529s for each kid. I super funded each one at $75K at birth. That set us on a good foundation for the first five years. Then we contribute as needed. I don't want to overfund, and the beauty of having four kids is that if one gets a scholarship or takes a path other than college, I can just redirect those 529 funds to another sibling.

We have over $1M in equity in our home, so that's a nice back up plan if needed.

We also own a lot of rental properties worth maybe $3 or $4M in real estate value, I could sell one of those if needed - especially if one of my kids goes to grad school and I don't want them to take on debt.

Now this is a plan. Any variation of something like this is winning and shows a ton of love and thoughtfulness for your children and future generations.

I think the poster(s) who is criticizing OP are just sharing data on the downs of large families. You should receive it objectively and put steps in place to prevent or reduce the real impacts that are likely. Good luck to you and yours, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to pay for college?

Not OP but parent of 4 kids here. It's a mix of things. First, my father opened 529s for each child and is regularly contributing. His trust directs his trustee to make sure each account reaches $200K (should he pass away before fully funding each account). He's also opened an UTMA account for each kid with about $50K. My FIL opened an UTMA account for each kid with $30K.

I separately opened my own 529s for each kid. I super funded each one at $75K at birth. That set us on a good foundation for the first five years. Then we contribute as needed. I don't want to overfund, and the beauty of having four kids is that if one gets a scholarship or takes a path other than college, I can just redirect those 529 funds to another sibling.

We have over $1M in equity in our home, so that's a nice back up plan if needed.

We also own a lot of rental properties worth maybe $3 or $4M in real estate value, I could sell one of those if needed - especially if one of my kids goes to grad school and I don't want them to take on debt.

You don’t owe this explanation to anyone. Honestly with the wide range of sky is the limit incomes in this area I don’t know why anyone doubts that if they can afford 2 children, many can afford 4. Also, I say this as someone will will be able to pay for college 100%, but I’m skeptical of the idea that you shouldn’t have a child if you can’t pay for college. DCUM is an UMC/wealthy bubble but that would squeeze a lot of real people out of have even 1 child. Also…. Not everyone goes to college.

[Anonymous]

If you have a lot of money, four kids (or really any number of kids) is not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a lot of money, four kids (or really any number of kids) is not hard.

It's not about money. I one can provide 4 children with the emotional care they need

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to pay for college?

Not OP but parent of 4 kids here. It's a mix of things. First, my father opened 529s for each child and is regularly contributing. His trust directs his trustee to make sure each account reaches $200K (should he pass away before fully funding each account). He's also opened an UTMA account for each kid with about $50K. My FIL opened an UTMA account for each kid with $30K.

I separately opened my own 529s for each kid. I super funded each one at $75K at birth. That set us on a good foundation for the first five years. Then we contribute as needed. I don't want to overfund, and the beauty of having four kids is that if one gets a scholarship or takes a path other than college, I can just redirect those 529 funds to another sibling.

We have over $1M in equity in our home, so that's a nice back up plan if needed.

We also own a lot of rental properties worth maybe $3 or $4M in real estate value, I could sell one of those if needed - especially if one of my kids goes to grad school and I don't want them to take on debt.

You don’t owe this explanation to anyone. Honestly with the wide range of sky is the limit incomes in this area I don’t know why anyone doubts that if they can afford 2 children, many can afford 4. Also, I say this as someone will will be able to pay for college 100%, but I’m skeptical of the idea that you shouldn’t have a child if you can’t pay for college. DCUM is an UMC/wealthy bubble but that would squeeze a lot of real people out of have even 1 child. Also…. Not everyone goes to college.

No they don't but trade schools cost money to you should be paying for your kids post high school education .and not hoping they get loans and scholarships having a bunch of kids or e even one kid because you want one and can't afford it is friggin selfish. You wouldn't get a dog you couldn't care for it should be the same for kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to pay for college?

Not OP but parent of 4 kids here. It's a mix of things. First, my father opened 529s for each child and is regularly contributing. His trust directs his trustee to make sure each account reaches $200K (should he pass away before fully funding each account). He's also opened an UTMA account for each kid with about $50K. My FIL opened an UTMA account for each kid with $30K.

I separately opened my own 529s for each kid. I super funded each one at $75K at birth. That set us on a good foundation for the first five years. Then we contribute as needed. I don't want to overfund, and the beauty of having four kids is that if one gets a scholarship or takes a path other than college, I can just redirect those 529 funds to another sibling.

We have over $1M in equity in our home, so that's a nice back up plan if needed.

We also own a lot of rental properties worth maybe $3 or $4M in real estate value, I could sell one of those if needed - especially if one of my kids goes to grad school and I don't want them to take on debt.

You don’t owe this explanation to anyone. Honestly with the wide range of sky is the limit incomes in this area I don’t know why anyone doubts that if they can afford 2 children, many can afford 4. Also, I say this as someone will will be able to pay for college 100%, but I’m skeptical of the idea that you shouldn’t have a child if you can’t pay for college. DCUM is an UMC/wealthy bubble but that would squeeze a lot of real people out of have even 1 child. Also…. Not everyone goes to college.

No they don't but trade schools cost money to you should be paying for your kids post high school education .and not hoping they get loans and scholarships having a bunch of kids or e even one kid because you want one and can't afford it is friggin selfish. You wouldn't get a dog you couldn't care for it should be the same for kids

I guess my point is that not everyone is from the same economic demographic. I generally agree with trying to maintain or improve your standard of living when it comes to your children. That’s not going to look the same for all families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to pay for college?

Not OP but parent of 4 kids here. It's a mix of things. First, my father opened 529s for each child and is regularly contributing. His trust directs his trustee to make sure each account reaches $200K (should he pass away before fully funding each account). He's also opened an UTMA account for each kid with about $50K. My FIL opened an UTMA account for each kid with $30K.

I separately opened my own 529s for each kid. I super funded each one at $75K at birth. That set us on a good foundation for the first five years. Then we contribute as needed. I don't want to overfund, and the beauty of having four kids is that if one gets a scholarship or takes a path other than college, I can just redirect those 529 funds to another sibling.

We have over $1M in equity in our home, so that's a nice back up plan if needed.

We also own a lot of rental properties worth maybe $3 or $4M in real estate value, I could sell one of those if needed - especially if one of my kids goes to grad school and I don't want them to take on debt.

You don’t owe this explanation to anyone. Honestly with the wide range of sky is the limit incomes in this area I don’t know why anyone doubts that if they can afford 2 children, many can afford 4. Also, I say this as someone will will be able to pay for college 100%, but I’m skeptical of the idea that you shouldn’t have a child if you can’t pay for college. DCUM is an UMC/wealthy bubble but that would squeeze a lot of real people out of have even 1 child. Also…. Not everyone goes to college.

No they don't but trade schools cost money to you should be paying for your kids post high school education .and not hoping they get loans and scholarships having a bunch of kids or e even one kid because you want one and can't afford it is friggin selfish. You wouldn't get a dog you couldn't care for it should be the same for kids

So are you also upset about the millions of kids on Medicaid and receiving SNAP benefits? Do you go to low income housing developments and shame them for having kids? They are, as you say, “friggin selfish”? How do you feel about the illegal immigrants who come here with nothing but the clothes on their backs - they are also “friggin selfish”? Because none of these people - MILLIONS of people - are going to be able to pay for their kid to go to even community college.

But sure let’s focus on the OP who already stated she and her husband work. And I doubt she meant double shifts at Taco Bell.

[Anonymous]

2nd family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of four it was a lovely, fun way to grow up. Personally I could never have 4 (I do have 3 though) and have a whole new level of appreciation for my parents. There is a 9 year spread among the four of us.

I'm one of 4 too with the exact same age gaps op will have it was not fun. And the vast majority of people I know who came from families with 4+ kids feel the same way. The only exceptions are those brainwashed by religion. And the clueless youngest child.

Enough of this crap. We're not going back to the era of 4 or more kids being the norm it's detrimental for women and kids. Keep this BS propaganda off DCUM

If you have no experience with what it looks like to have a fun and loving childhood or an emotionally available parent-child relationship, then you shouldn’t have any kids, and you certainly shouldn’t be giving advice to parents.