1. Teens need to learn money. A small allowance is fine-- good, even-- but you should add the option to earn more with extra chores or top grades or whatever works for your family. Teen jobs are important. What you must not do is hand out money for each and every whim. This will negate any connection between effort and gratification in her developing mind.
2. I know a lot of teen girls, and there is a very strong correlation between those who obsess about makeup and brands and appearance, and those who engage in risky behavior like casual sex and substance use. So just keep an eye out for that. Don't let a superficial girl who's desperate for outside validation drag yours down. I can't say if that means limiting their time together; I've rarely had to do that with mine, but we talk about everything and I've made the connections that have guided her to better decisions. |
This is exactly what we are worried about too. |
My daughter had a friend like this...it came from the mom. The friendship was toxic and always trying to match or "one up" my daughter. Constant bragging about how much clothes cost..I'm pretty sure parents will buy that girl a very pricey car to drive when she is able. Grandparents didn't like the friend either. We learned quickly, criticizing the friendship only drew her closer to toxic friend. So we just held our tongue until the friendship ran its course and our daughter finally figured out the friendship was not a friendship. That friend then of course turned on my daughter and bad mouthed her to everyone (mom even criticized us as parents to the friends). A year later, this girl doesn't have many friends. My advice...let your daughter know you are there if she needs advice but you limiting the time will only prolong the friendship. |
OP here. Good advice. We don’t say a word about this friend to our DD and I haven’t said anything about limiting time. We are doing it more subtly - suddenly having more plans than we used to, meeting other friends. We are also looking to get more involved in some EC activities which should help. |
agree with this. friend is compensating for their perceived inadequacies and comes from parents who value $ over values. |
The point I was making is that teens make their own plans. We walked home from school together. We purposely got summer jobs together. We signed up for the same electives. If you are doing all this FOR your teen, then you are a very different parent than mine were or than I am. |
Teens really can’t make plans without involving parents. They need to ask if we are doing something as a family and they may need rides. We can easily say no, we have plans. They can’t walk home from school (not on walking distance). They are too young for summer jobs. And we heavily influence electives. |
Cool? Try insecure. |
I don’t get this, because I think a lot of people end up with a mentality that if it’s on sale or a “good deal,” they should buy it. That’s how you end up with too much stuff. |