rehearsal dinner planning

[Anonymous]

I think people are being harsh on OP too. If this is a family vacation spot for the bride, her son could have easily asked his fiancé or his future in-laws for favorite spots that could be options for a rehearsal dinner. His family could have taken it from there and done the work. They are being more than generous offering to include every guest. If they’re using a wedding planner, he likely has very few tasks associated with the wedding itself.

Maybe he misunderstood and thought his mom was trying to use the planner for free but at minimum he could have asked the planner if his mom could also hire her for suggestions since she’s unfamiliar with the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being harsh on OP too. If this is a family vacation spot for the bride, her son could have easily asked his fiancé or his future in-laws for favorite spots that could be options for a rehearsal dinner. His family could have taken it from there and done the work. They are being more than generous offering to include every guest. If they’re using a wedding planner, he likely has very few tasks associated with the wedding itself.

Maybe he misunderstood and thought his mom was trying to use the planner for free but at minimum he could have asked the planner if his mom could also hire her for suggestions since she’s unfamiliar with the area.

But why can't the MOM ask the bride's parents? This doesn't need a middle man.

Nope, the mom just wanted to say she was sad about her son's response.

[Anonymous]

Don’t make it a thing!

Grab your best friend or the person in your life who is good at this type of stuff. Get a hotel there for 2 nights and find a place. Make it fun.

Or go with your son.

[Anonymous]

OP - you need to decide what type of mother in law you're going to be. You are clearly not happy about this wedding. If I were you, I would invite my son's fiance to lunch or dinner and ask about the planning - GET INVOLVED. Be excited, ask about her memories vacationing at the location. I would develop a relationship with her directly because she will be family. 99% of the time the woman maintains family connections, not the man. Your son will likely never purchase you a gift or card again. He won't plan christmas with the grandkids. You don't want to be the woman who gets all huffy about your daughter in law being celebrated on Mother's Day when she's a young mom. You want to be the woman who says - "You and Susie have little ones - of course Mother's Day is about her now!! I'll see you all next week for lunch. I'm so happy you're making sure Susie has a day to be pampered!"

Your response here should be - "I've called a few places and read about XYZ online. What a beautiful location! Here are a few options that I found and would love your opinion before taking the next step. I'll see you for lunch tomorrow, Susie and we can hopefully chat about it then!"

If you don't live in the same town as them, start calling her just to chat, or make an overnight visit, etc. That effort likely pales in comparison to what the bride's family is doing.

I guarantee that this will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who just got married last year, it is a bit odd to me how much folks are chiming in that YOU (MOG) should pick the venue and do the research. I think that your DS told you the venue he wants, something got lost in translation, and he responded unkindly because he perceived that you were rejecting the venue.

This^. Something got mixed in translation. Just call and sort it out. Life is too short for any of you to waste brain cells over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They gave you a suggestion. You didn’t want it. That’s okay, but you can’t commandeer the wedding planner to give you more choices. You already declined the advice.

They are the ones who are local, and they suggested this place. Have you called the restaurant? Said hey I want to bring 65 people on X date? Did they say “walk in and we’ll have no problems?” Or something else?

Your son might have been nicer about how he gave you the answer about the planner, but you sound like the martyr type who is going to get cut out. My MIL is like this. She is constantly in a tiff with my DH about this or that and honestly, I’m not close with her so I just stay out of it. No one is ever going to be offended on your behalf about this stuff.

Chances are good your future DIL said something like “oooo, idk, she’s only contracted for Saturday. Did your mom say anything about Suggestion A? It’s kind of the only place in town” And your son wrote the email that made you “sad.”

get lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being harsh on OP too. If this is a family vacation spot for the bride, her son could have easily asked his fiancé or his future in-laws for favorite spots that could be options for a rehearsal dinner. His family could have taken it from there and done the work. They are being more than generous offering to include every guest. If they’re using a wedding planner, he likely has very few tasks associated with the wedding itself.

Maybe he misunderstood and thought his mom was trying to use the planner for free but at minimum he could have asked the planner if his mom could also hire her for suggestions since she’s unfamiliar with the area.

But why can't the MOM ask the bride's parents? This doesn't need a middle man.

Nope, the mom just wanted to say she was sad about her son's response.

All the DWs who dislike their MILs are out in full force today! You must all have girls!
We are close to and love my MIL--setting a good example for DS when he marries. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to make the bride and groom do this. Call around the location and see what's there. Call the hotel even and ask.

Come up with some ideas first and then talk to the bride and groom.

My inlaws did make me plan the rehearsal dinner and they paid months after the wedding. I truly had no time to plan yet another event, and no money so it wasn't a great situation. It's not normally something the bride and groom have to plan.

Entitled much? It's the bride and groom's wedding, they should absolutely take part in planning most of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absurd response by your DS. I am sure that did not come from him. but your future DIL. Yikes. Ask your hotel concierge for suggestions or book it onsite. no way would I leave to chance feeding 65 people Are all of them in the rehearsal?

OP here, it made me so sad to see his response.

Yeah, your son is kind of a dick. He should have offered to help you find a location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They gave you a suggestion. You didn’t want it. That’s okay, but you can’t commandeer the wedding planner to give you more choices. You already declined the advice.

They are the ones who are local, and they suggested this place. Have you called the restaurant? Said hey I want to bring 65 people on X date? Did they say “walk in and we’ll have no problems?” Or something else?

Your son might have been nicer about how he gave you the answer about the planner, but you sound like the martyr type who is going to get cut out. My MIL is like this. She is constantly in a tiff with my DH about this or that and honestly, I’m not close with her so I just stay out of it. No one is ever going to be offended on your behalf about this stuff.

Chances are good your future DIL said something like “oooo, idk, she’s only contracted for Saturday. Did your mom say anything about Suggestion A? It’s kind of the only place in town” And your son wrote the email that made you “sad.”

Wow you sound like a massive b___ch.

[Anonymous]

I wish OP had said she was the mother of the bride because everyone would be so much nicer to her. This is just a bunch of harpies who can't stand their mother in law project all of their stupid issues onto poor OP who is just sad that her son didn't offer to help her find a location in an area that she is not familiar with. Let's all be pissed at OP's son instead of dumping on her, okay? He could have offered to help or ask his wife or future MIL for some suggestions since they are familiar with the area.

I'm sorry the witches have been so mean to you, OP. This is on your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you need to decide what type of mother in law you're going to be. You are clearly not happy about this wedding. If I were you, I would invite my son's fiance to lunch or dinner and ask about the planning - GET INVOLVED. Be excited, ask about her memories vacationing at the location. I would develop a relationship with her directly because she will be family. 99% of the time the woman maintains family connections, not the man. Your son will likely never purchase you a gift or card again. He won't plan christmas with the grandkids. You don't want to be the woman who gets all huffy about your daughter in law being celebrated on Mother's Day when she's a young mom. You want to be the woman who says - "You and Susie have little ones - of course Mother's Day is about her now!! I'll see you all next week for lunch. I'm so happy you're making sure Susie has a day to be pampered!"

Your response here should be - "I've called a few places and read about XYZ online. What a beautiful location! Here are a few options that I found and would love your opinion before taking the next step. I'll see you for lunch tomorrow, Susie and we can hopefully chat about it then!"

If you don't live in the same town as them, start calling her just to chat, or make an overnight visit, etc. That effort likely pales in comparison to what the bride's family is doing.

I guarantee that this will work.

Oh my god, next week we'll have a post from her future DIL talking about how the MIL is too pushy and is trying to take over the wedding. This is the worst advice.

[Anonymous]

Please OP, call the first restaurant again and see if they do private events? If that doesn't work, call the hotel. For my DS's rehearsal dinner, we ended up choosing a place close to the hotel so guests could get to the venue easily without driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absurd response by your DS. I am sure that did not come from him. but your future DIL. Yikes. Ask your hotel concierge for suggestions or book it onsite. no way would I leave to chance feeding 65 people Are all of them in the rehearsal?

Offff couuuurrrseee even the words out of a man’s mouth are a woman’s fault.

[Anonymous]

So hire the same wedding planner to plan the rehearsal dinner!

Big parties take work and money. Either you are willing to host one, or you aren’t.