For middle schoolers without phones…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's best friend doesn't have a phone. She will make the plans in school and then have me text the mom. It's a pain and TBH, I really resent it. They pride themselves on being "phone free" but their kid uses the school chrome book the same way.

I tend to avoid trying to make plans with them as 13 years olds shouldn't need their mommies to arrange playdates.

You should have your daughter text the friends mom. Problem solved.

I would not love having a 13 year old text me. Just saying.

Then get your kid a communication device.

[Anonymous]

Tons of conflation between phones and social media on this thread. It is entirely possible to give your kid a phone that just calls and texts with no internet/social media/other apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s quite clear some of these responders don’t actually have middle schoolers yet and are just imagining how they would like it to go.

What are you responding to? What specifically seems not just misaligned with your values but actively implausible?

[Anonymous]

A lot of the time they get excluded from plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s quite clear some of these responders don’t actually have middle schoolers yet and are just imagining how they would like it to go.

What are you responding to? What specifically seems not just misaligned with your values but actively implausible?

Posters assuming their kids can just use email or have other kids text them (the mom), and that it won't affect anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid had a phone in MS but he didn’t want an instagram account (I would have been ok with it). He finally got one at the end of 8th grade and boy did his social life explode.
What I am saying is: unless your child is a true social butterfly and super popular, do them a favor and provide a tool for making plans. Who knew I should have suggested he made an instagram account lol

You really need to read the Anxious Generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t a kid without a phone just use email? Why does everything have to be texted?

They may as well make plans via telegram. They do not check email frequently enough to make spontaneous plans.

Don’t parents coordinate anyway, regardless of if the kids have phones? I’m not dropping my kid off at someone’s house if I haven’t heard from their parent to confirm

.

No, my 11 year old tells me where they are going and when they will be home and I don't feel the need to call parents or otherwise involve myself

lol right?? What do you expect from a parent who hands her 11 year old and iPhone and says good luck!

Okay, team helicopter. If the idea that an 11 year old should not be trusted to manage such a basic social interaction as making afternoon plans isn't a recipe for anxious and incapable kids then I don't know what is


Your kidding right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's best friend doesn't have a phone. She will make the plans in school and then have me text the mom. It's a pain and TBH, I really resent it. They pride themselves on being "phone free" but their kid uses the school chrome book the same way.

I tend to avoid trying to make plans with them as 13 years olds shouldn't need their mommies to arrange playdates.

Have fun paying paying all the therapy bills for your daughter’s mental illness you caused LOL


https://sapienlabs.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Sapien-Labs-Age-of-First-Smartphone-and-Mental-Wellbeing-Outcomes.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's best friend doesn't have a phone. She will make the plans in school and then have me text the mom. It's a pain and TBH, I really resent it. They pride themselves on being "phone free" but their kid uses the school chrome book the same way.

I tend to avoid trying to make plans with them as 13 years olds shouldn't need their mommies to arrange playdates.

Have fun paying paying all the therapy bills for your daughter’s mental illness you caused LOL


https://sapienlabs.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Sapien-Labs-Age-of-First-Smartphone-and-Mental-Wellbeing-Outcomes.pdf

Is therapy what made you such a nice person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the time they get excluded from plans.

Unfortunately, this. My 13 yo has one friend who doesn't have a phone and he is constantly left out of plans. Not on purpose but because for my son's friend group, they have a big text chat group and many times, they meet up at the last minute. "Anyone headed to the pool?" and all of the sudden 6 kids show up. Most of his friends are up for meeting up spontaneously but they want to know someone else will be there to hang out with.

I am good friends with the mom so I will sometimes just send her a text when I know a bunch of kids are gathering but I don't always know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's best friend doesn't have a phone. She will make the plans in school and then have me text the mom. It's a pain and TBH, I really resent it. They pride themselves on being "phone free" but their kid uses the school chrome book the same way.

I tend to avoid trying to make plans with them as 13 years olds shouldn't need their mommies to arrange playdates.

You should have your daughter text the friends mom. Problem solved.

I would not love having a 13 year old text me. Just saying.

Then get your kid a communication device.

+1 I do not want my kid to have a phone because every teen I have seen with a phone reduced their in-person social interaction by 50%. I also do not mind if his friends or his friends' parents text me to make plans because he does not have a phone. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried to avoid getting my kid a phone but once the kids turned 12 I noticed they make their own plans. One kid usually arranges a ride or I give my kid a ride. I had tongive in.

Kids shouldn't text with adults that arent family members. It puts everyone in an awkward situation.

Why would a text be awkward? Weird. Just communicate with people it’s not some kind of problem.

I was a scout leader and coach for kids’ teams. Nearly all adult-lead activities involving minors have loads of restrictions on one:one communication or interactions between a minor and adults for GOOD reasons.

I encourage you to seek out some Health and safety training through teams or scouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t a kid without a phone just use email? Why does everything have to be texted?

They may as well make plans via telegram. They do not check email frequently enough to make spontaneous plans.

Don’t parents coordinate anyway, regardless of if the kids have phones? I’m not dropping my kid off at someone’s house if I haven’t heard from their parent to confirm

Not so much in late middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid had a phone in MS but he didn’t want an instagram account (I would have been ok with it). He finally got one at the end of 8th grade and boy did his social life explode.
What I am saying is: unless your child is a true social butterfly and super popular, do them a favor and provide a tool for making plans. Who knew I should have suggested he made an instagram account lol

You really need to read the Anxious Generation.

Are parents of MS the anxious generation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried to avoid getting my kid a phone but once the kids turned 12 I noticed they make their own plans. One kid usually arranges a ride or I give my kid a ride. I had tongive in.

Kids shouldn't text with adults that arent family members. It puts everyone in an awkward situation.

Why would a text be awkward? Weird. Just communicate with people it’s not some kind of problem.

I was a scout leader and coach for kids’ teams. Nearly all adult-lead activities involving minors have loads of restrictions on one:one communication or interactions between a minor and adults for GOOD reasons.

I encourage you to seek out some Health and safety training through teams or scouts.

That's not the same thing at all. Scouts policy is responding to their egregious history (and expensive lawsuits) from male Scout leaders abusing kids at in-person activities, including overnights. It's not the same thing as texting a friend's mom to see if larla can come out to play.