Check on Son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get in the car and go. I was in a similar position during freshman finals. My roommate was a disaster, sleeping w/ her boyfriend in our shared room, screaming at all hours and then threatening suicide. It was all too much for me to handle but I kept a lot of it in b/c I was trying to focus on exams and getting through the year. I called my mom in a similar panic but didn't give a lot of details. She hopped on a flight and giving her a big hug made it all better. I never would have asked her to come, but it was exactly what I needed. I ended up staying in her hotel room for a night or two, too. She wasn't at all overprotective, and I wasn't clingy or needy, but that was exactly what I needed at that point. If you can get there, you will have no regrets.

You have an awesome mom. That is what love is all about. Being there for your kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds somewhat similar to a friend’s dd. She was overwhelmed with end of semester deadlines ( and had procrastinated on much). However, my friend had family nearby so went and spent a few days just basically going thru all class deadlines, helping organize, and knocking down deadlines one by one.

My dh and I discussed how are parents would have never done that, with one child we never needed to, but our youngest gets a bit of this. However, they are studying abroad so we can’t just “ go” but we support over the phone.

My attitude has softened. Yes, if they are truly messing up they should pay the consequences. But, if they have anxiety, the overwhelmed type, then maybe just offer to go, be the structure - just don’t do the work!

Wishing your ds well.

There's visiting briefly to provide emotional support . . . and then there's this. I can't believe you told this story with a positive spin.

Agree. Our job is to get kids ready for adulthood. You don’t do that by bailing them out. IN COLLEGE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds somewhat similar to a friend’s dd. She was overwhelmed with end of semester deadlines ( and had procrastinated on much). However, my friend had family nearby so went and spent a few days just basically going thru all class deadlines, helping organize, and knocking down deadlines one by one.

My dh and I discussed how are parents would have never done that, with one child we never needed to, but our youngest gets a bit of this. However, they are studying abroad so we can’t just “ go” but we support over the phone.

My attitude has softened. Yes, if they are truly messing up they should pay the consequences. But, if they have anxiety, the overwhelmed type, then maybe just offer to go, be the structure - just don’t do the work!

Wishing your ds well.

There's visiting briefly to provide emotional support . . . and then there's this. I can't believe you told this story with a positive spin.

Agree. Our job is to get kids ready for adulthood. You don’t do that by bailing them out. IN COLLEGE.

So if an adult sibling or friend called you in crisis you wouldn’t go spend time with them to help them through it? Nice.

[Anonymous]

Any updates, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP - don't be like a typical college kid ... worry us, and then not update us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds somewhat similar to a friend’s dd. She was overwhelmed with end of semester deadlines ( and had procrastinated on much). However, my friend had family nearby so went and spent a few days just basically going thru all class deadlines, helping organize, and knocking down deadlines one by one.

My dh and I discussed how are parents would have never done that, with one child we never needed to, but our youngest gets a bit of this. However, they are studying abroad so we can’t just “ go” but we support over the phone.

My attitude has softened. Yes, if they are truly messing up they should pay the consequences. But, if they have anxiety, the overwhelmed type, then maybe just offer to go, be the structure - just don’t do the work!

Wishing your ds well.

There's visiting briefly to provide emotional support . . . and then there's this. I can't believe you told this story with a positive spin.

Agree. Our job is to get kids ready for adulthood. You don’t do that by bailing them out. IN COLLEGE.

So if an adult sibling or friend called you in crisis you wouldn’t go spend time with them to help them through it? Nice.

If an adult sibling or friend called me because they were actually in crisis (death in family, mental health crisis, sexual assault) I would absolutely help them through it. But if a college kid was upset because they were overwhelmed at the end of the semester, no, I would not got in the car and go bail them out. Notice how the PP said this particular girl had procrastinated on much? Things how you learn how to be an adult. You deal with your mistakes - you don’t have someone come fix it for you.