Hospice and rookie mistakes

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s sad that people can’t just go in dignity once they are in such a bad state. I wish I have that good choice when I am older.


I think some hospitals/care facilities practice “unofficial” euthanasia. My father was at a hospital in NY and we were asked if we wanted them to keep him alive (his prognosis wasn’t good). When we said no and the nurse administered like 5 different injections. He passed like 5 minutes later.


No way this happened.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s sad that people can’t just go in dignity once they are in such a bad state. I wish I have that good choice when I am older.


I think some hospitals/care facilities practice “unofficial” euthanasia. My father was at a hospital in NY and we were asked if we wanted them to keep him alive (his prognosis wasn’t good). When we said no and the nurse administered like 5 different injections. He passed like 5 minutes later.


No way this happened.


Not the PP but trust me, it happens.
Anonymous
Maryland resident in a poor county. Many in this area get their loved ones in hospice for the free depends and the free hospital beds.

My experience is that seniors are very, very vulnerable when enrolled in hospice.

My sister had Mom enrolled in hospice. Mom was walking a mile a day. Mom had a bad reaction to bactrim. Sister called the out of state off hours call center and the remote RN who knew nothing of MOm told sister to start giving morphine.

When I left town Mom was walking a mile a day and walking around the house. When I returned I could not find MOm in the house. I finally found her. She was unkempt and sitting in a wheel chair. She had never sat in a wheel chair in her life. She had been on morphine for 3 days. If I had not returned from my trip Mom would have been dead in several more days. Got her off of the morphine. She suffered severe pain for about a week from morphine induced constipation. I threw hospice out of the house.

Mom is still with us 6 years later.

I forgot to mention the RN when Mom was enrolled said morphine would not hasten death. It clearly knocked out a lady who was walking a mile a day and would have hastened death.

I had to go to a lot of professional counseling sessions after this incident.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sucks.

They don’t tell you hospice does very little and you’ll still have to provide 24-7 care.

A nurse decided to give my dad a lethal dose of morphine without telling us and left him alone on a sofa at a memory care unit in Olney. He had stopped eating so they forced us to put him on hospice and also took away all his meds so he was freezing from lack of thyroid medications. Really messed up.

I think hospice is terrible.



I have a friend in elder care; she says a person is dead within 3 days of stopping eating.
The nurse’s act was actually one of compassion as much as it is possible in rehab/hospice.
I am sorry about your dad but he would have lasted maybe one more day if not that.

That was my MIL but she was able to last a bit longer than 3 days without eating. She also had a DNR.

It's awful. But, if the person just wants to give up, what can you do? She did not want to go on anymore. She lost all mobility, and she was very weak.

The hospital at least gave my MIL pain meds so she shouldn't be in pain. She passed away in her sleep.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sucks.

They don’t tell you hospice does very little and you’ll still have to provide 24-7 care.

A nurse decided to give my dad a lethal dose of morphine without telling us and left him alone on a sofa at a memory care unit in Olney. He had stopped eating so they forced us to put him on hospice and also took away all his meds so he was freezing from lack of thyroid medications. Really messed up.

I think hospice is terrible.



I have a friend in elder care; she says a person is dead within 3 days of stopping eating.
The nurse’s act was actually one of compassion as much as it is possible in rehab/hospice.
I am sorry about your dad but he would have lasted maybe one more day if not that.


Np

Your friend is wrong. My father didn't eat for weeks, just had a basic IV, after his stroke. Eventually he regained his ability to eat.


Very different situations. With hydration a person can live for months. Hospice typically does not use iv hydration after a person can no longer swallow. It is part of the dying process for a person who is dying. A person recovering from a stoke, illness, surgery is a different situation.


In Maryland, if you are in assisted living and don’t eat for X days, they say you must be put on hospice. At that point, they pull every medication and that accelerates your death.

My dad was not actively dying. He was given a lethal dose of morphine without permission from the family.

The nurse took it upon herself to attempt to accelerate his death when he had previously been going around in his wheelchair.

Nurses do kill people so you have to be watchful.

We will never do hospice again.

The nurse who killed my dad is still out there.

https://people.com/pa-nurse-accused-killing-patients-confesses-19-other-attempted-murders-8386877




If you know all this about the nurse who allegedly killed your father, why didn't you report them to the police, prosecutor and licensing board?


In my decade of experience doing hospice work, I've seen a lot of family members who for whatever reason - religiosity, inability to cope with anticipatory grief, anger at the family member, etc. - have been very resistant to medical providers giving the prescribed dose of morphine to their dying loved one to relieve the pain and anguish many experience at end of life. I will never understand why the same people who would readily take their beloved pet to the veterinarian for a quick, painless exit won't provide the same comfort to a human being they claim to love.


JFC. I hope you are no longer doing hospice work.

dp.. why? If a person has the will to live they will eat. If they don't, they stop eating. This happened to my MIL (pp). The hospital at least gave her pain meds so she go peacefully.

When I'm super old and have lost my mobility, I hope the hospital is humane enough to give me pain meds if I no longer want to go on. It's inhumane to make them suffer at the end.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s sad that people can’t just go in dignity once they are in such a bad state. I wish I have that good choice when I am older.


I think some hospitals/care facilities practice “unofficial” euthanasia. My father was at a hospital in NY and we were asked if we wanted them to keep him alive (his prognosis wasn’t good). When we said no and the nurse administered like 5 different injections. He passed like 5 minutes later.


NY and MD. What do they have in common? HMMMM

whereas in red states they don't want to provide any healthcare and reject medicaid expansion?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My sister insisted on putting my father in home hospice for six months, without my permission or consent. This was a few years ago and he is still alive, so you can see that was a sketch decision. They did very little. Sent a nurse twice a week and a cna who gave him a lousy bed bath. They sucked.

They dismissed him from hospice after six months when he didn’t die. Said he wasn’t sick enough.

They had fired all his doctors so we had no one to prescribe his meds.

They did provide a hospital bed and hoyer lift but took them so we were left scrambling for those items.

I think hospice sucks. I wouldn’t enroll a loved one in it unless they are at the point where they are likely to die in a few weeks or so.


You need a terminal diagnosis to qualify for hospice. Sorry you had a bad experience, pp. Our family used hospice providers for DH’s great grandmother, father and my parents. We had great experiences with them and there were three different agencies in two states. Providers need to be vetted and monitored.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Maryland resident in a poor county. Many in this area get their loved ones in hospice for the free depends and the free hospital beds.

My experience is that seniors are very, very vulnerable when enrolled in hospice.

My sister had Mom enrolled in hospice. Mom was walking a mile a day. Mom had a bad reaction to bactrim. Sister called the out of state off hours call center and the remote RN who knew nothing of MOm told sister to start giving morphine.

When I left town Mom was walking a mile a day and walking around the house. When I returned I could not find MOm in the house. I finally found her. She was unkempt and sitting in a wheel chair. She had never sat in a wheel chair in her life. She had been on morphine for 3 days. If I had not returned from my trip Mom would have been dead in several more days. Got her off of the morphine. She suffered severe pain for about a week from morphine induced constipation. I threw hospice out of the house.

Mom is still with us 6 years later.

I forgot to mention the RN when Mom was enrolled said morphine would not hasten death. It clearly knocked out a lady who was walking a mile a day and would have hastened death.

I had to go to a lot of professional counseling sessions after this incident.


Horrifying. I bet you did! I was completely traumatized by hospice too. I helped as long as I could with my aunt, but had to go home (cross country) after she was admitted inpatient. Despite a DNR, doc at hospice revived her and then they started calling me daily and screaming at me to come back so she could go home. They wanted her out of the hospice center. I finally told them I was going to report them to the board if they called one more time. Your situation is even more disturbing and I'm glad you made it home in time.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister insisted on putting my father in home hospice for six months, without my permission or consent. This was a few years ago and he is still alive, so you can see that was a sketch decision. They did very little. Sent a nurse twice a week and a cna who gave him a lousy bed bath. They sucked.

They dismissed him from hospice after six months when he didn’t die. Said he wasn’t sick enough.

They had fired all his doctors so we had no one to prescribe his meds.

They did provide a hospital bed and hoyer lift but took them so we were left scrambling for those items.

I think hospice sucks. I wouldn’t enroll a loved one in it unless they are at the point where they are likely to die in a few weeks or so.


You need a terminal diagnosis to qualify for hospice. Sorry you had a bad experience, pp. Our family used hospice providers for DH’s great grandmother, father and my parents. We had great experiences with them and there were three different agencies in two states. Providers need to be vetted and monitored.


You can come in and out of hospice and the line is now blurred due to what they call palliative care.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sucks.

They don’t tell you hospice does very little and you’ll still have to provide 24-7 care.

A nurse decided to give my dad a lethal dose of morphine without telling us and left him alone on a sofa at a memory care unit in Olney. He had stopped eating so they forced us to put him on hospice and also took away all his meds so he was freezing from lack of thyroid medications. Really messed up.

I think hospice is terrible.



I have a friend in elder care; she says a person is dead within 3 days of stopping eating.
The nurse’s act was actually one of compassion as much as it is possible in rehab/hospice.
I am sorry about your dad but he would have lasted maybe one more day if not that.


Np

Your friend is wrong. My father didn't eat for weeks, just had a basic IV, after his stroke. Eventually he regained his ability to eat.


Very different situations. With hydration a person can live for months. Hospice typically does not use iv hydration after a person can no longer swallow. It is part of the dying process for a person who is dying. A person recovering from a stoke, illness, surgery is a different situation.


In Maryland, if you are in assisted living and don’t eat for X days, they say you must be put on hospice. At that point, they pull every medication and that accelerates your death.

My dad was not actively dying. He was given a lethal dose of morphine without permission from the family.

The nurse took it upon herself to attempt to accelerate his death when he had previously been going around in his wheelchair.

Nurses do kill people so you have to be watchful.

We will never do hospice again.

The nurse who killed my dad is still out there.

https://people.com/pa-nurse-accused-killing-patients-confesses-19-other-attempted-murders-8386877




If you know all this about the nurse who allegedly killed your father, why didn't you report them to the police, prosecutor and licensing board?


In my decade of experience doing hospice work, I've seen a lot of family members who for whatever reason - religiosity, inability to cope with anticipatory grief, anger at the family member, etc. - have been very resistant to medical providers giving the prescribed dose of morphine to their dying loved one to relieve the pain and anguish many experience at end of life. I will never understand why the same people who would readily take their beloved pet to the veterinarian for a quick, painless exit won't provide the same comfort to a human being they claim to love.


JFC. I hope you are no longer doing hospice work.

dp.. why? If a person has the will to live they will eat. If they don't, they stop eating. This happened to my MIL (pp). The hospital at least gave her pain meds so she go peacefully.

When I'm super old and have lost my mobility, I hope the hospital is humane enough to give me pain meds if I no longer want to go on. It's inhumane to make them suffer at the end.


No your body starts shutting down and you stop eating. It is not a decision a person makes.
Anonymous
There are no good choices. I went through this with my mom. We let her make her own choices. She chose in-home hospice. By the time she entered hospice she had figured out she couldn’t climb the stairs to her room so she did agree to a hospital bed in the living room. What I didn’t understand is that hospice is someone coming in a few minutes, a few times a week, eventually ramping up to every day. I thought she’d have care. My elderly dad wanted to do it all without hiring care so we waited too long to bring in an agency. I don’t know what people do who can’t afford aides.
Anonymous
I'm sorry OP, as so many others have said - there really aren't "good" solutions at this stage. The reality is what it is and that's hard, no matter the path.

FWIW, I found that the "best" choice was the one that ensured safety. That often wasn't the preferred choice of my mother (or father), but it was a standard that made sense to me and that has helped me feel at peace w/ decisions I had to make at key stages. So home wasn't an option unless we could make it safe (and it wasn't always), rehab sometimes was necessary, a nursing home was necessary, hospice care with live-in staff was necessary, etc... - all at different points (and with different people and different health challenges).

Safety first. Then you make the best of whatever rotten hand your loved one has been dealt.

Hang in there.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It sucks.

They don’t tell you hospice does very little and you’ll still have to provide 24-7 care.

A nurse decided to give my dad a lethal dose of morphine without telling us and left him alone on a sofa at a memory care unit in Olney. He had stopped eating so they forced us to put him on hospice and also took away all his meds so he was freezing from lack of thyroid medications. Really messed up.

I think hospice is terrible.



Hospice was horrible for my dad. I will never forget the doctor who was in charge-really insensitive woman who did not care at all about my father and disregarded his preferences.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Maryland resident in a poor county. Many in this area get their loved ones in hospice for the free depends and the free hospital beds.

My experience is that seniors are very, very vulnerable when enrolled in hospice.

My sister had Mom enrolled in hospice. Mom was walking a mile a day. Mom had a bad reaction to bactrim. Sister called the out of state off hours call center and the remote RN who knew nothing of MOm told sister to start giving morphine.

When I left town Mom was walking a mile a day and walking around the house. When I returned I could not find MOm in the house. I finally found her. She was unkempt and sitting in a wheel chair. She had never sat in a wheel chair in her life. She had been on morphine for 3 days. If I had not returned from my trip Mom would have been dead in several more days. Got her off of the morphine. She suffered severe pain for about a week from morphine induced constipation. I threw hospice out of the house.

Mom is still with us 6 years later.

I forgot to mention the RN when Mom was enrolled said morphine would not hasten death. It clearly knocked out a lady who was walking a mile a day and would have hastened death.

I had to go to a lot of professional counseling sessions after this incident.



Could a hospice nurse weigh in? Is this really the practice? Lethal doses of morphine to hasten death? This is my own mother's perception of hospice and when my dying father (on hospice) was crying out in anguish she wanted to withhold morphine. It was an absolute nightmare. On the flip side, I was really sick and hospitalized several years ago and was on morphine for nearly two weeks....and I'm still here. What is this lethal dose prescribed for cancer patients?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maryland resident in a poor county. Many in this area get their loved ones in hospice for the free depends and the free hospital beds.

My experience is that seniors are very, very vulnerable when enrolled in hospice.

My sister had Mom enrolled in hospice. Mom was walking a mile a day. Mom had a bad reaction to bactrim. Sister called the out of state off hours call center and the remote RN who knew nothing of MOm told sister to start giving morphine.

When I left town Mom was walking a mile a day and walking around the house. When I returned I could not find MOm in the house. I finally found her. She was unkempt and sitting in a wheel chair. She had never sat in a wheel chair in her life. She had been on morphine for 3 days. If I had not returned from my trip Mom would have been dead in several more days. Got her off of the morphine. She suffered severe pain for about a week from morphine induced constipation. I threw hospice out of the house.

Mom is still with us 6 years later.

I forgot to mention the RN when Mom was enrolled said morphine would not hasten death. It clearly knocked out a lady who was walking a mile a day and would have hastened death.

I had to go to a lot of professional counseling sessions after this incident.



Could a hospice nurse weigh in? Is this really the practice? Lethal doses of morphine to hasten death? This is my own mother's perception of hospice and when my dying father (on hospice) was crying out in anguish she wanted to withhold morphine. It was an absolute nightmare. On the flip side, I was really sick and hospitalized several years ago and was on morphine for nearly two weeks....and I'm still here. What is this lethal dose prescribed for cancer patients?


There are good ethical hospices and others who are money grabs. It could happen. It didn't happen with my MIL when she was in hospice and she had a slow and miserable death of a few weeks.
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