Parents Providing Alcohol

[Anonymous]

What really gets to me is the 9th grade party happening tonightthat my kid says will feature drinking. It's been like this since the beginning of the year. Parent are home but not in the same rooms and the kids hide it but most parents know because kids share. That is how "normal" this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family full of recovering addicts here- here is my take.

Alcoholism runs in my family. As a child, I watched my parents throw parties, over consume and continue on with their lives.

As I aged, I saw the self-destructive behavior and wanted no parts of it. My relationship with alcohol is complicated. For a long time, I felt guilty and self conscious consuming any form of alcohol. Today, I consume when I want without restrictions, but out of preference usually only have 1-2 drinks per month or indulge on special occasions.

As a parent, I'm hyper aware of how I consume alcohol around my kids. I've made the choice to normalize drinking as something that can be a social activity.

That being said, we've allowed the kids (13 &16) to have sips of our drinks on occasion.

Our now 16 year old has zero interest in drinking on his own. We've expressed to him that he's allowed to have 1 drink with us on special occasions. We don't encourage it at those times, but we do have active conversations about drinking and it's effects in the moment.

Our 13 year old is highly interested in alcohol and this is where it gets tricky. We don't want his curiosity to cause him to hide his drinking as he ages.

I'll be honest, I don't know how I'm going to approach high school and party's with my 13 year old. Too much restriction and he will rebel, too little and I'll be to blame.

Part of me wants to control the situation and likes the idea of introducing alcohol to him in a controlled environment. The other part of me knows how insane that sounds.

All this to say, I understand OP's question, it's not black or white.

We have addiction and mental health issues in our family, too. I get this. Study after study has shown that starting drinking at or before 16 or so can greatly increase the chance of addiction, especially with family history. We have basically told our teen that we aren't saying 'no' to say 'no' and it's not forever, but to wait until at least 16 or 17. This is absolutely difficult - we know. We keep emphasizing how our family has been impacted. The risk is too great. I wish you a lot of luck and am right there with you. I only wish other parents/families understood.