I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already

[Anonymous]

I would be beside myself if this happened to me.

One time my FIL showed up to our house 24 hours early, and knocked on our door at 6 AM. DH and I were in bed completely naked. The house was trashed. We hadn’t even assembled his bed yet and had recently moved. We had a baby and toddler at the time.

Call me a shrew but I have never forgotten it and most of all I’m just angry that he woke us up when our baby and toddler were FOR ONCE actually sleeping in (they usually woke up at 5).

[Anonymous]

It’s probably anxiety on the ILs part.
I am a SIL and I don’t arrive earlier than planned, but I just wanted to say I would actually be relieved if my SIL removed herself from the whole situation and I only had to interact with my brother (no preference on nephews).

[Anonymous]

I can’t wait until all of your kids grow up and trash you. Seriously, why are you all so petty and mean? Who did what to you? What trauma did you suffer? What has made you so insecure and unsettled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably anxiety on the ILs part.
I am a SIL and I don’t arrive earlier than planned, but I just wanted to say I would actually be relieved if my SIL removed herself from the whole situation and I only had to interact with my brother (no preference on nephews).

Anxiety it is not. In my experience, ILs just do whatever is best for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably anxiety on the ILs part.
I am a SIL and I don’t arrive earlier than planned, but I just wanted to say I would actually be relieved if my SIL removed herself from the whole situation and I only had to interact with my brother (no preference on nephews).

Anxiety it is not. In my experience, ILs just do whatever is best for them

It’s their remarks about traffic that made me think that
Otherwise why would they want to be there so early?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until all of your kids grow up and trash you. Seriously, why are you all so petty and mean? Who did what to you? What trauma did you suffer? What has made you so insecure and unsettled?

My kids will likely have various complaints about me, but me showing up hours earlier than planned is not something I would ever do. So I am safe from that particular note. What an extraordinarily rude thing to do—indefensibly so. You might have a leg to stand on if they texted or called once they decided to get on the road early, but they did not. Indefensibly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

What’s wrong with your brother that he’s not offering you tea or making you comfortable? Is he a quadriplegic, or what? Why do you expect hospitality from someone with a vagina and not your brother, hmm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need some more information. So they showed up at 8am? How far away do they live that they were worried about traffic?

OP here. They live 2 hours away. So hardly a huge trek. They did not text or call to say they had decided to get moving basically right after they woke up. That still would have been weird, but not as weird as our doorbell ringing right after DH had left to drop the kids off at daycare. A text would have been nice.

I am planning on staying up here, working, getting myself and only myself lunch when I need to, and leaving them to entertain themselves. DH has the office that’s in a more central location, so he can deal with them. My “office” is a corner of our bedroom.

Now that business hours have started, this is my final post about my situation, and I cede the thread to anyone who has a petty vent!

Translation: you’re embarrassed by your own pettiness.

How does it feel that everyone else in the thread is in agreement this is annoying, and you are so totally wrong and doubling down on it?

DP. While I agree it is annoying - it’s fine, remove yourself from the situation and be done with it. Bonus points for being friendly for a few minutes on their arrival and making sandwiches for lunch but that’s a tall order I know. They don’t want to see their DIL anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They were probably really worried about the weather and traffic, but you should carry on as planned. Let your husband take care of his parents.

Now this is a kind person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Sorry your brother is a bad host! I've dropped the rope with my in-laws for the most part (I do clean the house, make a grocery list for my husband to pick up so we have plenty of food in the house, and help him think through meal planning for the visit), but I'm sure my in-laws think I am a bad hostess. The reality is I can only care so much so I do help with some of the planning that I care about (clean house and a food plan for the visit).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

What’s wrong with your brother that he’s not offering you tea or making you comfortable? Is he a quadriplegic, or what? Why do you expect hospitality from someone with a vagina and not your brother, hmm?

Oh, he does. It’s just that it’s so obvious how she is now “leaving everything to him”, it’s eyeroll worthy.
She then eases up and becomes herself (I.e. does some things when she is around and leaves others to her DH/my brother when it’s convenient for them) but it’s just funny how she tries to be this modern woman who is letting her husband take responsibility for his family by leaving until tea is served lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until all of your kids grow up and trash you. Seriously, why are you all so petty and mean? Who did what to you? What trauma did you suffer? What has made you so insecure and unsettled?

My kids will likely have various complaints about me, but me showing up hours earlier than planned is not something I would ever do. So I am safe from that particular note. What an extraordinarily rude thing to do—indefensibly so. You might have a leg to stand on if they texted or called once they decided to get on the road early, but they did not. Indefensibly rude.

+1. They didn’t call or text because they knew you wouldn’t agree to their change of plans. This way, they get to show up and say “SURPRISE!” They don’t care if you’re busy or inconvenienced. They believe they call the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

What’s wrong with your brother that he’s not offering you tea or making you comfortable? Is he a quadriplegic, or what? Why do you expect hospitality from someone with a vagina and not your brother, hmm?

Oh, he does. It’s just that it’s so obvious how she is now “leaving everything to him”, it’s eyeroll worthy.
She then eases up and becomes herself (I.e. does some things when she is around and leaves others to her DH/my brother when it’s convenient for them) but it’s just funny how she tries to be this modern woman who is letting her husband take responsibility for his family by leaving until tea is served lol

You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you. So you’re the hero in this story and she’s the villain, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re close family, not guests. Give them the sheets, tell them you are working, and carry on. No big deal.

Yeah, depends on what kind of guests they are. If it were my parents, they'd finish the laundry, make the beds, go pick up lunch for everyone, and pick up the kids from childcare to save me the time. Ask if we need anything from the grocery store and make dinner. But they are awesome visitors.