Are kids actually good at picking colleges?

[Anonymous]

All over the map. My older kid had a laser focus on one school (which I thought was a huge mistake) but she ended up getting in and now, partway through junior year, still seems like a good fit. We are in a small town and not infrequently kids decide to go far away to great big schools for something totally different but when they get they really don't like it all and transfer back to something smaller and closer to home. My younger kid, current HS junior, doesn't have the foggiest idea what kind of school he wants.

[Anonymous]

It has to be your kid's decision. Too many parents are living through their kids, too enmeshed. Parents who utter "we applied to [name of college]" are a dead give away of parents who can't back off. It's hard to tell where the adult ends and the kid begins. We? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Telling your kid to that you have financial constraints is one thing; assuming you know which college will be the best fit is another.

Not when I had the stats for Ivy/top 10 and had worked my butt off and had a clear favorite…it’s very much like OP blaming dcum parents for picking the school. My point being, no we aren’t. We have to say: no you cannot go to your favorite. And we could afford it- but financially it would not be worth it. Unless you have serious need and can o to the Ivies or Hopkins need-blind/full tuition paid- sorry- you are effed.

Then you cannot afford it. That's okay. You tell your kid "we can spend $Y K total for 4 years of college". So you need to select a college that costs that or less. let's start researching your options and arrange visits

It's okay. But it's really depressing that a kid that has all the stats and then some--can't go because he/she is a donut hole and a kid that is from a family that makes $75k less a year can go there for free. Then, they grow up and have a bunch of a-holes assuming they weren't smart enough to get into those schools because they didn't attend. I live in a very wealthy neighborhood now and every house has two Ivies/or top 10s pretty much and the amount of looking down the nose at state university grads is ridiculous. A lot of false assumptions. But, hey, we are living in the same neighborhoods and daddy didn't put down our downpayment.

Why do you choose to live there? It sounds miserable unless the perceived treatment is actually just your own insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has to be your kid's decision. Too many parents are living through their kids, too enmeshed. Parents who utter "we applied to [name of college]" are a dead give away of parents who can't back off. It's hard to tell where the adult ends and the kid begins. We? No.

100% well intentioned but misguided

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Telling your kid to that you have financial constraints is one thing; assuming you know which college will be the best fit is another.

Not when I had the stats for Ivy/top 10 and had worked my butt off and had a clear favorite…it’s very much like OP blaming dcum parents for picking the school. My point being, no we aren’t. We have to say: no you cannot go to your favorite. And we could afford it- but financially it would not be worth it. Unless you have serious need and can o to the Ivies or Hopkins need-blind/full tuition paid- sorry- you are effed.

Then you cannot afford it. That's okay. You tell your kid "we can spend $Y K total for 4 years of college". So you need to select a college that costs that or less. let's start researching your options and arrange visits

It's okay. But it's really depressing that a kid that has all the stats and then some--can't go because he/she is a donut hole and a kid that is from a family that makes $75k less a year can go there for free. Then, they grow up and have a bunch of a-holes assuming they weren't smart enough to get into those schools because they didn't attend. I live in a very wealthy neighborhood now and every house has two Ivies/or top 10s pretty much and the amount of looking down the nose at state university grads is ridiculous. A lot of false assumptions. But, hey, we are living in the same neighborhoods and daddy didn't put down our downpayment.

True. Mine didn't apply to many or didn't accept any Ivy or top SLAC because they didn't qualify for aid and we just couldn't afford almost $90K per year per kid.

[Anonymous]

Actually in our UMC/wealthy neighborhood, most parents prioritize lifestyle over college choice. Yes, most can't get admitted to T50 but among their choices, they pick the cheapest.

[Anonymous]

They drive fancy cars, get botox, carry $5k purses and talk about value of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They drive fancy cars, get botox, carry $5k purses and talk about value of college.

their choice.

But I hope they don’t complain their kid can’t attend a t25 for financial reasons. Because they could have afforded it, just made other choices to spend their money.

[Anonymous]

Are adults good at picking spouses? I mean half of marriages end in divorce.

The premise is silly. They are bad at driving, but we still let them do that.

Developmentally, older teens in our society are figuring themselves out. What do they like? Where do they fit in? What do they want to do career-wise?

It is empowering for them if you show faith in their ability to make good decisions.

Presumably, they are not visiting colleges at random. It is based upon preferences they have expressed (location, size, major for example). So yeah, after that they are the best person to judge "could you see yourself here?" It will be THEIR new home. Not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A kid who focuses on overall fit rather than just name or ranking has a better chance of being happy.

"Fit" is a mystery until it works out or not. Name or rankings are more objective.

Rankings change every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Telling your kid to that you have financial constraints is one thing; assuming you know which college will be the best fit is another.

Not when I had the stats for Ivy/top 10 and had worked my butt off and had a clear favorite…it’s very much like OP blaming dcum parents for picking the school. My point being, no we aren’t. We have to say: no you cannot go to your favorite. And we could afford it- but financially it would not be worth it. Unless you have serious need and can o to the Ivies or Hopkins need-blind/full tuition paid- sorry- you are effed.

Then you cannot afford it. That's okay. You tell your kid "we can spend $Y K total for 4 years of college". So you need to select a college that costs that or less. let's start researching your options and arrange visits

It's okay. But it's really depressing that a kid that has all the stats and then some--can't go because he/she is a donut hole and a kid that is from a family that makes $75k less a year can go there for free. Then, they grow up and have a bunch of a-holes assuming they weren't smart enough to get into those schools because they didn't attend. I live in a very wealthy neighborhood now and every house has two Ivies/or top 10s pretty much and the amount of looking down the nose at state university grads is ridiculous. A lot of false assumptions. But, hey, we are living in the same neighborhoods and daddy didn't put down our downpayment.

Meh, that was me. Went to a no name school in the end, and my life has turned out more than fantastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Telling your kid to that you have financial constraints is one thing; assuming you know which college will be the best fit is another.

Not when I had the stats for Ivy/top 10 and had worked my butt off and had a clear favorite…it’s very much like OP blaming dcum parents for picking the school. My point being, no we aren’t. We have to say: no you cannot go to your favorite. And we could afford it- but financially it would not be worth it. Unless you have serious need and can o to the Ivies or Hopkins need-blind/full tuition paid- sorry- you are effed.

Then you cannot afford it. That's okay. You tell your kid "we can spend $Y K total for 4 years of college". So you need to select a college that costs that or less. let's start researching your options and arrange visits

It's okay. But it's really depressing that a kid that has all the stats and then some--can't go because he/she is a donut hole and a kid that is from a family that makes $75k less a year can go there for free. Then, they grow up and have a bunch of a-holes assuming they weren't smart enough to get into those schools because they didn't attend. I live in a very wealthy neighborhood now and every house has two Ivies/or top 10s pretty much and the amount of looking down the nose at state university grads is ridiculous. A lot of false assumptions. But, hey, we are living in the same neighborhoods and daddy didn't put down our downpayment.

First, I think you could benefit from some therapy. You seem a bit too concerned about what others think.
You need to get over worrying about what others think. And find new friends if you are hanging with A**holes who look down on a grown ass adult because they didn't go to a T10 school.

The elite/T25 schools are ridiculously selective, so even with the Stats/Resume, your kid still most likely will NOT get in. Too many highly qualified kids and not enough spots. This should not be the first time in life your kid has been told "we cannot afford that". They should understand budgets by the time applying to college.


However, if it was really that important for you to have your kid attend an $80K/year school, and you are living in a wealthy neighborhood, you could have made the choice to live somewhere slightly less expensive and save the difference for college and fund the expensive school.
Or you could have choses to live on less than $75K/year for the last 18 years and then be eligible for the "free college". Not a good look to begrudge someone who is lower income getting an education they can afford. That kid had to work twice as hard to achieve what they did, because they didn't grow up in a wealthy neighborhood.

Trust me. Plenty of kids who are 'middle class' in the high cost DMV are as disadvantaged as the ones from lower cost areas with the salaries. These kids aren't getting the extras--tutoring, paid private counselors, test prep, private school...and many are in not even that great of a HS. This area has a lot of poor HS--close-in and farther out.

They aren't begrudging the kids w.out finances getting in, they are pointing out the unfairness in the process and that the way the cost of education has skyrocketed has made it unattainable for the majority of MC/UMC to attend a private university (even saving lots in the 529). The cost of Boston College was over $90k for my niece last year. To put two kids through there (or Georgetown or an Ivy) as a donut hole family is going to cost $720,000.000; 3/4s of a million dollars so don't give me this cr*p about saving for it.

Housing in the DC area is not cheap. For a house that costs what two tuitions as recited above costs, you could commute to work for over an hour. Look at what housing costs nowadays.

But you mention living in a very wealthy area. So if you had stepped down just a bit, you'd still be in a great area and could have saved $20K/year into college. Start that when they are young and you would have that 3/4Million for two kids for college. But instead you appear to be living in a wealthy neighborhood and attempting to keep up with richer people and people who have trust funds/donations from family to afford their lifestyle.

Or you can do the realistic thing and search for merit at schools ranked 40-100 or attend your excellent state school. Get over being obsessed with T25 schools. Nobody is entitled to attend one. vast majority of people do not attend T25 schools, plenty of highly successful people do NOT attend T25 schools. You can still be highly successful. Most of us do NOT look down on people who are not ivy educated.

It's wealthy because it is near DC. We work in DC. You can't get anything inside the beltway cheap. Trust me, I don't have $5k or even designer purses, etc. We don't have debt, make a decent salary (considered a lot elsewhere in the country) and starting saving in 529 since kids were born. It's still not coming close to $720k/year for 2 kids to attend private universities. If they want help with grad school or law school then they need to go in-state too. The 'we don't look down on state school grads' is what everyone says--then they get a few drinks in and their pompous side shows and assume you couldn't get in. I really don't give an eff--because, like I said, we are doing fine and I actually have a better job than many of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A kid who focuses on overall fit rather than just name or ranking has a better chance of being happy.

"Fit" is a mystery until it works out or not. Name or rankings are more objective.

DS last year's final 3 choices were UMD, W&M and BU. He laughed at the mention of "fit". "I can get along anywhere!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Telling your kid to that you have financial constraints is one thing; assuming you know which college will be the best fit is another.

Not when I had the stats for Ivy/top 10 and had worked my butt off and had a clear favorite…it’s very much like OP blaming dcum parents for picking the school. My point being, no we aren’t. We have to say: no you cannot go to your favorite. And we could afford it- but financially it would not be worth it. Unless you have serious need and can o to the Ivies or Hopkins need-blind/full tuition paid- sorry- you are effed.

Then you cannot afford it. That's okay. You tell your kid "we can spend $Y K total for 4 years of college". So you need to select a college that costs that or less. let's start researching your options and arrange visits

It's okay. But it's really depressing that a kid that has all the stats and then some--can't go because he/she is a donut hole and a kid that is from a family that makes $75k less a year can go there for free. Then, they grow up and have a bunch of a-holes assuming they weren't smart enough to get into those schools because they didn't attend. I live in a very wealthy neighborhood now and every house has two Ivies/or top 10s pretty much and the amount of looking down the nose at state university grads is ridiculous. A lot of false assumptions. But, hey, we are living in the same neighborhoods and daddy didn't put down our downpayment.

First, I think you could benefit from some therapy. You seem a bit too concerned about what others think.
You need to get over worrying about what others think. And find new friends if you are hanging with A**holes who look down on a grown ass adult because they didn't go to a T10 school.

The elite/T25 schools are ridiculously selective, so even with the Stats/Resume, your kid still most likely will NOT get in. Too many highly qualified kids and not enough spots. This should not be the first time in life your kid has been told "we cannot afford that". They should understand budgets by the time applying to college.


However, if it was really that important for you to have your kid attend an $80K/year school, and you are living in a wealthy neighborhood, you could have made the choice to live somewhere slightly less expensive and save the difference for college and fund the expensive school.
Or you could have choses to live on less than $75K/year for the last 18 years and then be eligible for the "free college". Not a good look to begrudge someone who is lower income getting an education they can afford. That kid had to work twice as hard to achieve what they did, because they didn't grow up in a wealthy neighborhood.

Trust me. Plenty of kids who are 'middle class' in the high cost DMV are as disadvantaged as the ones from lower cost areas with the salaries. These kids aren't getting the extras--tutoring, paid private counselors, test prep, private school...and many are in not even that great of a HS. This area has a lot of poor HS--close-in and farther out.

They aren't begrudging the kids w.out finances getting in, they are pointing out the unfairness in the process and that the way the cost of education has skyrocketed has made it unattainable for the majority of MC/UMC to attend a private university (even saving lots in the 529). The cost of Boston College was over $90k for my niece last year. To put two kids through there (or Georgetown or an Ivy) as a donut hole family is going to cost $720,000.000; 3/4s of a million dollars so don't give me this cr*p about saving for it.

Housing in the DC area is not cheap. For a house that costs what two tuitions as recited above costs, you could commute to work for over an hour. Look at what housing costs nowadays.

But you mention living in a very wealthy area. So if you had stepped down just a bit, you'd still be in a great area and could have saved $20K/year into college. Start that when they are young and you would have that 3/4Million for two kids for college. But instead you appear to be living in a wealthy neighborhood and attempting to keep up with richer people and people who have trust funds/donations from family to afford their lifestyle.

Or you can do the realistic thing and search for merit at schools ranked 40-100 or attend your excellent state school. Get over being obsessed with T25 schools. Nobody is entitled to attend one. vast majority of people do not attend T25 schools, plenty of highly successful people do NOT attend T25 schools. You can still be highly successful. Most of us do NOT look down on people who are not ivy educated.

It's wealthy because it is near DC. We work in DC. You can't get anything inside the beltway cheap. Trust me, I don't have $5k or even designer purses, etc. We don't have debt, make a decent salary (considered a lot elsewhere in the country) and starting saving in 529 since kids were born. It's still not coming close to $720k/year for 2 kids to attend private universities. If they want help with grad school or law school then they need to go in-state too. The 'we don't look down on state school grads' is what everyone says--then they get a few drinks in and their pompous side shows and assume you couldn't get in. I really don't give an eff--because, like I said, we are doing fine and I actually have a better job than many of them.

So then you should actually get that where you go does not matter. And not pass that attitude onto your kids. There will always be pompous asses in the world. But look around, all of management at your company is NOT T25 graduates for undergrad. Majority of the successful people around you got there because of what they did, not where they attended undergrad. It's their work and work over the last 10-20+ years in industry that got them to their level. So don't worry about it and send your kids to where you can afford, so you can also afford to pay for graduate school. It's definately the smarter plan, unless you have the money saved/readily available.