Inappropriate joke at work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work a white guy at a meeting that 1/2 the people were black used the term “cotton picking hands”

Big deal. Should we fire him. BTW he is 60 from the South with lots of black friends and black co-workers.

I guess to sensitive ears it is an issue

This is inappropriate and he should be counseled. Lots of people say inapprpriopriate things without thinking — the right response is to teach them to do better. I wouldn’t fire someone over this unless it was a persistent problem that the person refused to acknowledge/fix.

Unless he was using the phrase to refer specifically to black people (which from the context it’s hard to imagine), it’s not inappropriate. I grew up in cotton country and the phrase has nothing to do with race, it’s simply an expression to convey displeasure, similar to dad-gummed, blasted, or in modern parlance d—d or f——ing, which seem to get thrown around helter-skelter without phasing anyone. By the way, lots of white people picked cotton, too, including my grandparents and quite possibly his. It’s hard to gather much context from a single phrase, but it sounds like the sort of expression one would use about their own hands if they were fumbling a little, ex. “Eh, these cotton-pickin’ hands just don’t work as well as they used to.”. It’s just a regional expression. For future reference, the following expressions may not be familiar to you, but they’re not offensive either:

anagogglin’
caddy-corner
caddywampus
crawfishing
boy howdy
gully-washer

Incidentally, while city folk may refer to a busy day as “having places to go and people to see”, country folk say they “have rows to hoe and fields to plow”.

By all means, call out offense when it is clearly intended. But a guy with lots of black friends probably isn’t going to want to say something offensive about
black people to begin with, especially not in the office in a meeting where 1/2 the people are black. Moreover, don’t you think they would have called him on it if they felt offended? I’m sure they recognized it for what it was, a casual expression that had nothing, whatsoever to do with race and had no malice behind it. If the people you think need to be shielded from such a comment weren’t offended, you might consider that you’re missing something and it actually wasn’t offensive. I wish people would stop assuming the worst of others and looking for excuses to cast blame. Because if we were going to cast blame, I might say that the people complaining about this were classist snobs who looked down on farmers and people from rural backgrounds. I don’t actually think you mean to be offensive, either, though. Maybe we can all extend a little grace towards each other, which will make it a lot easier to have productive meetings and otherwise function together as a society.

[Anonymous]

Did Mommy forget to cut off the crust of her little man’s sandwich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did Mommy forget to cut off the crust of her little man’s sandwich?

No way op is male

[Anonymous]

I practiced criminal defense law in Chicago twenty-five years ago. I had my life and my children’s lives threatened by someone who meant what he said.

Go find a job where you can hide behind momma’s skirt.

[Anonymous]

I’m a 48 year old in house counsel and can’t imagine being offended by this, let alone considering filing a complaint.

Don’t be surprised if people perceive you differently for making this complaint. Your employer cannot retaliate against you, but I have no doubts people will view you negatively, which will not help your career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The correct response is to laugh and say "Lawyers are the most dangerous people to beat up, we get you eventually." And then mentally file this guy under insecure dorks.

The wannabe jokester is quite immature.
I feel bad for him, putting his foot in his mouth all the time I bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work as an in-house commercial attorney and I support our sales team. A sales person reached out to me on Friday about a deal I will be working on with him, and he said that he told the counterparty that he is 6’6” and he will “beat up any lawyers as needed in order for this deal to go through.”

Clearly it was a joke but I feel like it was extremely inappropriate and I’m considering raising it with my boss. While it was a joke it was still a threat to not get in the way of his deal. I don’t want to make a formal complaint against him but I want it noted that he said this in case there are other issues going forward. Thoughts on how to best do this?

Wait what? He told you he said that or your heard him say that to the counter party?

Either way you weren’t there to hear before or after what was going on so I’d drop it. He’s either posturing for you, dishing it back to them, or really lame with jokes with his height.

Is he even 6’6” or do you only Zoom?

[Anonymous]

Good Lord.

Young lawyers, and especially the women (sorry, it’s true), are absolutely the worst. You all are so embarrassingly, cringe-inducingly weak. Have a little pride. You’ve swallowed this identity politics, victim status as the highest virtue mentality for so long that you are utterly unable to function in reality. OP, you need to get a grip. You’re an adult. Act like it.

I’m a law firm partner. 8 in 10 of the female associates in our group cannot receive mundane corrective comments on a draft memo without (a) bursting into tears or (b) requesting a meeting with partners, HR, DEI reps, and whoever else they can dream up to discuss their feelings and the “tone” of the office.

You are an embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work a white guy at a meeting that 1/2 the people were black used the term “cotton picking hands”

Big deal. Should we fire him. BTW he is 60 from the South with lots of black friends and black co-workers.

I guess to sensitive ears it is an issue

This is inappropriate and he should be counseled. Lots of people say inapprpriopriate things without thinking — the right response is to teach them to do better. I wouldn’t fire someone over this unless it was a persistent problem that the person refused to acknowledge/fix.

Unless he was using the phrase to refer specifically to black people (which from the context it’s hard to imagine), it’s not inappropriate. I grew up in cotton country and the phrase has nothing to do with race, it’s simply an expression to convey displeasure, similar to dad-gummed, blasted, or in modern parlance d—d or f——ing, which seem to get thrown around helter-skelter without phasing anyone. By the way, lots of white people picked cotton, too, including my grandparents and quite possibly his. It’s hard to gather much context from a single phrase, but it sounds like the sort of expression one would use about their own hands if they were fumbling a little, ex. “Eh, these cotton-pickin’ hands just don’t work as well as they used to.”. It’s just a regional expression. For future reference, the following expressions may not be familiar to you, but they’re not offensive either:

anagogglin’
caddy-corner
caddywampus
crawfishing
boy howdy
gully-washer

Incidentally, while city folk may refer to a busy day as “having places to go and people to see”, country folk say they “have rows to hoe and fields to plow”.

By all means, call out offense when it is clearly intended. But a guy with lots of black friends probably isn’t going to want to say something offensive about
black people to begin with, especially not in the office in a meeting where 1/2 the people are black. Moreover, don’t you think they would have called him on it if they felt offended? I’m sure they recognized it for what it was, a casual expression that had nothing, whatsoever to do with race and had no malice behind it. If the people you think need to be shielded from such a comment weren’t offended, you might consider that you’re missing something and it actually wasn’t offensive. I wish people would stop assuming the worst of others and looking for excuses to cast blame. Because if we were going to cast blame, I might say that the people complaining about this were classist snobs who looked down on farmers and people from rural backgrounds. I don’t actually think you mean to be offensive, either, though. Maybe we can all extend a little grace towards each other, which will make it a lot easier to have productive meetings and otherwise function together as a society.

Omg, you sound so annoying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having just been counseled on something I said that was inappropriate and all those involved, I'm guessing OP is around 45 or 50.

What did you say?

Once I was going to lunch with some colleagues and one of the men said we could go to the Hooters down the street. I responded 'you guys can go without me'. Someone gave a nervous laugh and I think the person who made the comment realized it was inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord.

Young lawyers, and especially the women (sorry, it’s true), are absolutely the worst. You all are so embarrassingly, cringe-inducingly weak. Have a little pride. You’ve swallowed this identity politics, victim status as the highest virtue mentality for so long that you are utterly unable to function in reality. OP, you need to get a grip. You’re an adult. Act like it.

I’m a law firm partner. 8 in 10 of the female associates in our group cannot receive mundane corrective comments on a draft memo without (a) bursting into tears or (b) requesting a meeting with partners, HR, DEI reps, and whoever else they can dream up to discuss their feelings and the “tone” of the office.

You are an embarrassment.

+1

[Anonymous]

Holiest of craps it terrifies me that this is a thought that any human had

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having just been counseled on something I said that was inappropriate and all those involved, I'm guessing OP is around 45 or 50.

What did you say?

Once I was going to lunch with some colleagues and one of the men said we could go to the Hooters down the street. I responded 'you guys can go without me'. Someone gave a nervous laugh and I think the person who made the comment realized it was inappropriate.

Or you could have not been a total wet blanket and said something like “yeah sure thing Tom, those 22 year old waitresses are just waiting for you to waddle in their and flop sweat on the table while you pretend not to ogle them. Let’s hit it!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having just been counseled on something I said that was inappropriate and all those involved, I'm guessing OP is around 45 or 50.

What did you say?

Once I was going to lunch with some colleagues and one of the men said we could go to the Hooters down the street. I responded 'you guys can go without me'. Someone gave a nervous laugh and I think the person who made the comment realized it was inappropriate.

Or you could have not been a total wet blanket and said something like “yeah sure thing Tom, those 22 year old waitresses are just waiting for you to waddle in their and flop sweat on the table while you pretend not to ogle them. Let’s hit it!”

I am a woman in a group full of men. If I don't want to go to Hooters, then I don't care if I'm a "wet blanket". I don't need to be friends with everyone, accommodate everyone or be try to be funny.
I rolled my eyes, made a comment that didn't cut him down and moved on.

I don't understand these posters that want to escalate the situation with an even more awkward comment or file complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work as an in-house commercial attorney and I support our sales team. A sales person reached out to me on Friday about a deal I will be working on with him, and he said that he told the counterparty that he is 6’6” and he will “beat up any lawyers as needed in order for this deal to go through.”

Clearly it was a joke but I feel like it was extremely inappropriate and I’m considering raising it with my boss. While it was a joke it was still a threat to not get in the way of his deal. I don’t want to make a formal complaint against him but I want it noted that he said this in case there are other issues going forward. Thoughts on how to best do this?

.

The sales person is a complete jerk. Inappropriate comment. Regardless of whether or not it was perceived as a threat, it is unprofessional. Comments like that might affect a deal. Needs to be raised with your boss because he said this to an opposing party / counter-party. Your boss needs to be aware so the sales person doesn't make any other inappropriate comments.

I wonder whether prior posters understand that the salesman said this to the other party--and not just to you.

First, you completely misread the context of the comment to the other party. Second, lighten up, Francis.

No, I did not misread the context of the comment to the other party.

Well, then you're just a humorless dolt who doesn't understand how people interact. (Seriously, assuming you misunderstood was giving you the benefit of the doubt. And you didn't even get that!)