So how did you influence your teen social media was harmful and to stay off it-

[Anonymous]

I make sure real life is more fun.

[Anonymous]

Our 13yo isn’t allowed social media at all. The only one she “wants” is Snapchat but that is definitely not going to happen. She says so many of her friends use it to communicate and she is “left out” sometimes but she also understands why we don’t let her have it. She will be allowed to have some sm when she is 16 or so, but that will depend on a number of factors like her grades, her emotional maturity and her friends. I do want her to have it before college so she has some guidance when she begins using it.
We allowed her to have an iPhone with time limits and app restrictions at age 12 at the beginning of 7th grade (she’s young for her grade). She knows we can check it anytime and if she doesn’t let us know her password she will lose her phone. She’s had it about a year and so far has been very responsible, although she does sometimes use it too much. We feel that teaching our kids net literacy is very important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen and tween had practically unlimited access to the internet during the lockdown and do not have social media accounts. My 17 year old son watches intellectual history/naval warfare Youtube channels when he's upbeat and shouty Minecrafters when he's tired. My 12 year old daughter watches old sorts of craft videos, from rehabilitating plush toys to fantasy elven iron-forging. They both like a myth and literature channel as well. I can check their history, so I know.

Not all teens gravitate towards TikTok, Insta, porn and graphic murder, OP. Know your teen.

Hmmm just know that teens are likely more tech savvy than you and can easily cover their tracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make sure real life is more fun.

This is the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I chuckle with each of the authoritarian posts above. You are fooling yourselves. Your kids know how to get around all of your rules and restrictions. Have the open conversations, discuss the risks and rewards of online engagement, and be there to talk through the challenges. Ultimately the goal is for resilient children who can assess their virtual and real environments to the best of their abilities - and that takes both clear guidelines and conversation. It also takes modeling healthy online management ourselves.

Agreed. That's not to say don't try but some of these posters are absolutely clueless about what their kids are actually doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't. We taught them to use it correctly, somewhat monitor their activities, and taught them healthy limits.

We learned from my sister's and BIL's mistakes with their oldest (twins). They allowed no smartphones (flip, dumb phones only) and no social media. No computers or tablets were allowed in their rooms. Electronics got locked up at night. Video game systems were for weekends only and very limited. They were also locked up between uses.

Both basically flunked out of college. Twin 1 was put on academic probation and then after failing to maintain a C average the second semester, asked to complete 2 semesters at a junior or community college with a C average to be allowed to continue at the university. He ended up failing at community college as well. Twin 2 did so poorly in his first fall semester that the college advised him against continuing there in Spring because even if he was a rockstar his 2nd semester, it'd be a miracle for him to get a C average. Both flunked out because they had unlimited access to their computers, tablets, phones, and video games. They were unable to regulate themselves.

Twin 2 did finally graduate college this past May. He took 3 years off and then did 2 years at a community college before being accepted to GMU. Twin 1 has zero desire to do college. He works a minimum wage job and spends the rest of his time gaming.

Interesting. I'm the parent of college students (and a high schooler), and the ones I know who are struggling as young adults due to social media/phone/gaming addictions or heavy use are the ones who have always had unlimited access, phones in rooms overnight, etc.

I would think that too, but I can see it both ways. It's probably a 50/50 split.

Kids who are kept away from it entirely throughout high school could end up like the PP twin nephews, or they just continue to show no interest in it since they never got hooked as teens.

Or, as you point out, those who have always had unlimited access to tech and gotten by in high school, can't regulate themselves when the stakes and rigor in college are much higher. As always with kids, there's no one-size-fits-all answer.

I'm a professor and definitely see much more of the latter.

Just curious how you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make sure real life is more fun.

This is the way.

Plus a healthy dose of "sm is for boomers and basics,"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make sure real life is more fun.

This is the way.

Plus a healthy dose of "sm is for boomers and basics,"

I have a 22 year old college student and a 16 year old junior and I have definitely noticed a trend among kids of my younger one's age to not have/eschew social media.

[Anonymous]

We aren’t on it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make sure real life is more fun.

This is the way.

Plus a healthy dose of "sm is for boomers and basics,"

I have a 22 year old college student and a 16 year old junior and I have definitely noticed a trend among kids of my younger one's age to not have/eschew social media.

Thank God for that!

[Anonymous]

A 13 year old brain is not an 18 year old brain is not a 25 year old brain. There is actually a point to delaying these things until the brain is more mature. That’s why we don’t show 5 year olds horror movies, and we don’t give alcohol to teens. The later, the better. I find it hard to believe that kids without any social media at home go off to college and become addicts. It’s much more likely that kids whose brains were wired earlier with these things on board have a hard time regulating their use. Similar to drugs.

[Anonymous]

We as parents don’t use social media. My older child dislikes social media and is the type of person who likes to do things in a group in person—sports teams, orchestra—so needed little influence. She also is a bit of a contrarian and isn’t concerned about clothes or makeup. I worry about my younger child, since she has neither of those protective tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch the Social Dilemma with your child. It is eye opening. My DD was disgusted to learn how tech companies design social media not just to be addictive but to predict and control behavior. She believes that by not getting sucked in to social media regardless of what her friends are doing she is beating the game.

This. I’ve discussed this with them since they were young. And told that that TikTok is pysops warfare, st least propaganda, perhaps designed to induce depression and suicide.

[Anonymous]

My kids are very intelligent. I have to be very honest with them. I knew that if I could educate them well about how social media is used to serve some people and manipulate others, then I had a leg to stand. We watched a lot of documentaries and films about social media, got informed about how prospective employers and employers view the content of social media, bullying, catfishing, porn, revenge porn etc. and I also had healthy limits on screen usage.

So it is a combo of three things - educating them honestly about the dangers and how to protect themselves, healthy limits, guiding them in other aspects of their lives so they are thriving physically, mentally, socially, academically etc. social media sometimes is used to fill the holes on the lives of the children who are not happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't. We taught them to use it correctly, somewhat monitor their activities, and taught them healthy limits.

We learned from my sister's and BIL's mistakes with their oldest (twins). They allowed no smartphones (flip, dumb phones only) and no social media. No computers or tablets were allowed in their rooms. Electronics got locked up at night. Video game systems were for weekends only and very limited. They were also locked up between uses.

Both basically flunked out of college. Twin 1 was put on academic probation and then after failing to maintain a C average the second semester, asked to complete 2 semesters at a junior or community college with a C average to be allowed to continue at the university. He ended up failing at community college as well. Twin 2 did so poorly in his first fall semester that the college advised him against continuing there in Spring because even if he was a rockstar his 2nd semester, it'd be a miracle for him to get a C average. Both flunked out because they had unlimited access to their computers, tablets, phones, and video games. They were unable to regulate themselves.

Twin 2 did finally graduate college this past May. He took 3 years off and then did 2 years at a community college before being accepted to GMU. Twin 1 has zero desire to do college. He works a minimum wage job and spends the rest of his time gaming.

Alternatively, these were kids with personalities subject to that kind of addiction, who would've cratered themselves earlier.