If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...

[Anonymous]

I've talked to my parents frequently about this, since all their children have moved to the opposite coast from them and we're worried about their plans for aging in place at their two-story home. The reasons they don't want to move are:
1. Emotionally, cannot bear to sell the house where kids were raised.
2. Overwhelmed by amount of stuff in their house.
3. In denial about the difficulty of moving after one of them dies or has a health crisis.
4. In denial about how they will continue to live in the suburbs once they can't drive.

They are in their mid-70s and have declined a lot in the last 1-2 years. I have grandparents in their early 90s still living in their own home, and my parents will often remark on how bad that choice is for my grandparents (very isolated, they shouldn't drive but do, etc.) but think they are / will be different somehow. Meanwhile my in-laws moved into a 55+ community where they have a lovely single-floor accessible house and an array of social activities, can walk to grocery, are near their adult kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Because we still have a teenager. Oops!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've talked to my parents frequently about this, since all their children have moved to the opposite coast from them and we're worried about their plans for aging in place at their two-story home. The reasons they don't want to move are:
1. Emotionally, cannot bear to sell the house where kids were raised.
2. Overwhelmed by amount of stuff in their house.
3. In denial about the difficulty of moving after one of them dies or has a health crisis.
4. In denial about how they will continue to live in the suburbs once they can't drive.

They are in their mid-70s and have declined a lot in the last 1-2 years. I have grandparents in their early 90s still living in their own home, and my parents will often remark on how bad that choice is for my grandparents (very isolated, they shouldn't drive but do, etc.) but think they are / will be different somehow. Meanwhile my in-laws moved into a 55+ community where they have a lovely single-floor accessible house and an array of social activities, can walk to grocery, are near their adult kids, etc.

This is the exact same story as my ILs, and in the end, my MIL had to move; FIL passed away several years ago. She was completely in denial until she had two bad falls, one where she blacked out. I think that was her aha moment. My ILs would always say that they won't need a smaller home or a home with one level. They were adamant that they could handle it. They had a nice big garden that FIL would handle, but after he died she couldn't manage any of it, so she had to hire someone. A few years later, she couldn't drive or walk much. And none of her kids live near her. She finally moved near to one of her kids and is now completely dependent on her children for running errands and going to the store. mid late 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The stairs keep me healthy/strong. And we’ve lived here 25 years, love our neighborhood and neighbors. Why move unless we have to? Plus, for the amount of our mortgage payment, we’d get half the space in today’s market, whether a rental or new purchase.

That's exactly what my ILs said until they couldn't handle it. Then they were forced to move. At some point, you won't be able to handle it. I think the consensus is to move before you hit that stage when it's harder to move.

I'm not saying you should move when you are 60. But, I think before 72 is a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at age 50. She is now 62 with a 12 year old. Retirement communities typically will not accept kids.

goodness. Surrogate? Adopted?

DH and I had gone out for a walk and heard a baby crying. We said, "We haven't heard that in a while." Our kids are in HS. I said to DH that while I miss how cute our kids were when they were younger, I would never want to go back to those years again. It was hard enough in my 30s. I can't imagine trying to raise a baby/toddler at my age, and I'm 52.

[Anonymous]

We are still working, so plan to stay in our house until we retire. Most people now retire between 68-70. I was shocked when neighbors in the DC area asked when we planned to retire, we have at least 10-15 more years of work left. We don't plan to stay in the DC area after retirement, so it makes no sense for us to move locally and then move again elsewhere.

We are starting to get rid of stuff and downsize in preparation, so that won't have to be done all at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at age 50. She is now 62 with a 12 year old. Retirement communities typically will not accept kids.

goodness. Surrogate? Adopted?

DH and I had gone out for a walk and heard a baby crying. We said, "We haven't heard that in a while." Our kids are in HS. I said to DH that while I miss how cute our kids were when they were younger, I would never want to go back to those years again. It was hard enough in my 30s. I can't imagine trying to raise a baby/toddler at my age, and I'm 52.

It feels different if you are finally getting the chance to do it for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By staying in our suburban home, where the kids grew up, this is what I wrestle with - compared to our young adult children raising families, I never want to have the bigger house. I don't want it to be US that has the closer-in, better commute location (even if we aren't commuting), access to the better schools, cushier suburban lifestyle. It's just upside down.

Haven't had to deal with this, exactly, yet. I think this a lot. Guessing DH and I would choose to sell and, if it would help our kids w/their housing option, split the proceeds of the house. We'll see what money is needed, for them to live in the DMV, if they choose, when the time comes.

I'll happily treat ourselves to travel and other luxuries but wouldn't feel good having the most expensive house of anyone in the family, not in retirement.

Your offer of splitting your house proceeds is incredibly generous. It also makes me think about my ILs, who may have not set aside enough money for their retirement. They anticipated sharing a small apartment in a CCRC, but looks like that may not be as easy as they thought as FiL is declining more quickly than MiL.

Perhaps it would have never been enough money to have two units, but I can't help but think of how much they have burned through over the years on FL rentals and trips and that splitting house proceeds before knowing the full cost scope may not be prudent.

[Anonymous]

My health is good, I have a reverse mortgage, I am exempt from paying property taxes, and my daughter and her husband live with me.

[Anonymous]

I am 57 with some significant developing health problems. My aim is to do a Swedish death cleanse by 60 and so I am sorting and getting rid of things all the time.

My DH will probably have knee and hip problems but we have decided to get replacement surgeries sooner rather than later.

We intend to empty out our basement and most of our bedrooms upstairs. We plan to convert our formal living and dining area into a bedroom and a big bathroom on the main floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people can't handle the stairs past a certain age. Both my mom and MIL (in their 80s) have a problem with stairs. My mom moved to a ranch when she was in her 60s. They knew stairs was going to be an issue eventually so why wait.

My MIL, oth, was adamant that she could handle the stairs and refused to move when she was in her 60s. FFW to 80, and she was having issues, but she still did nothing to move. We've all been telling her to move for the past 10 years. She finally made the move, but it was more painful than it had to be. She couldn't do anything herself so she had to rely on movers (which she paid for ) and her children, who had to take time off to help her.

Don't be selfish, OP. Don't wait till it's too late to be able to make the move on your own. My parents were able to do everything on their own because they were healthy enough at 60 something.

I don’t see anything wrong with hiring movers and asking kids to help out? I’d help my parents move, anyway. They helped me when I was young, it seems totally appropriate to help them out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people can't handle the stairs past a certain age. Both my mom and MIL (in their 80s) have a problem with stairs. My mom moved to a ranch when she was in her 60s. They knew stairs was going to be an issue eventually so why wait.

My MIL, oth, was adamant that she could handle the stairs and refused to move when she was in her 60s. FFW to 80, and she was having issues, but she still did nothing to move. We've all been telling her to move for the past 10 years. She finally made the move, but it was more painful than it had to be. She couldn't do anything herself so she had to rely on movers (which she paid for ) and her children, who had to take time off to help her.

Don't be selfish, OP. Don't wait till it's too late to be able to make the move on your own. My parents were able to do everything on their own because they were healthy enough at 60 something.

I don’t see anything wrong with hiring movers and asking kids to help out? I’d help my parents move, anyway. They helped me when I was young, it seems totally appropriate to help them out now.

They didn't just "help out". They did most of the work because MIL gets tired after 15min. Movers are expensive if you are using them to pack your things. And they don't pack things the way you want them to be packed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at age 50. She is now 62 with a 12 year old. Retirement communities typically will not accept kids.

goodness. Surrogate? Adopted?

DH and I had gone out for a walk and heard a baby crying. We said, "We haven't heard that in a while." Our kids are in HS. I said to DH that while I miss how cute our kids were when they were younger, I would never want to go back to those years again. It was hard enough in my 30s. I can't imagine trying to raise a baby/toddler at my age, and I'm 52.

It feels different if you are finally getting the chance to do it for the first time.

Sleep deprivation is never fun, no matter the age.

[Anonymous]

Having watched my parents age, it's easier to clean out your home and move to a lower maintenance housing situation when you are healthy.

That doesn't mean you have to live in a retirement community! Any one level condo with an elevator and a live in super would work.

[Anonymous]

Being around old people all the time is bad for your mental health. Studies have shown it's better for cognition and dementia prevention to be around all ages, not segregated by age.