What do you wish you had known when hiring home health aides for elderly relative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure home owner's insurance is paid and talk with a lawyer about what happens if an aide makes an accusation of a fall at the home because of say a bump in the walkway or of your parent with dementia being verbally abusive.

Sorry-tp be clear..make sure you are protected if an aide sues. Times are tough and an elderly person with money to pay for at home care who lives in isolation is an easy target.

Can you say more about what one would want to hear from a lawyer in this situation? I think my ILs have umbrella liability, but would like to hear what a lawyer would say about an accusation regarding a fall, etc.

[Anonymous]

That they can bring bed bugs in. Yup, had to do the whole treatment thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our experience is your loved one is better off in a facility where you visit and then if needed maybe hire a personal aide down the line.

Alone in a home the lonliness and nutty behavior increased. Grandma became enmeshed with a provider who played into her neediness. All seemed fine when we visited. Then the provider started telling sob stories to get money. The first time it was noticed grandma wrote a check, we let it go and told the provider not to do it again, but because she was so good to grandma it would be seen as a bonus. (Grandma was difficult so it was hard to find someone willing to deal). Then things got really disturbing. long story short when there are witnesses around this is less likely to happen. Also, grandma aged backward once she had to interact with her peers who wouldn't put up with her BS. It was tough at first, but eventually she made friends and got a new lease on life.

Sure the facilities are understaffed. Think of it like when you send your kid to daycare. It's understaffed. Things will go wrong. The people are underpaid and you need to reward the good ones. Your kid may be miserable at first. Your difficult kid may be angry and sit in a corner, but then...over time you see why they must be with peers-more smiling, more engagement, a new lease on life. The activities and outings bring excitement.

Your last paragraph stretches my view of this phase and in a positive way. You're so right - there's gonna be a transition and some possible bumps along the way. Approaching this with a growth mind set, even as the adult child of an elderly parent, may be very helpful. We were lucky - our mom really took to making this change, but know that this is not easy for all.

[Anonymous]

For those who hired a HHA through an agency, did you also do any background checking re: the HHA or did you rely on their employer only?

[Anonymous]

Relied on agency. But we were lucky and able to work from home and check in often to get things set up, and follow up. If someone was really bad we didn’t have them back. Thus took a lot of our time in addition to paid assistance. Unrealistic for most people.

[Anonymous]

It's tough because sometimes it's the one they adore who is stealing. The one who does her job, doesn't kiss up, but is honorable sometimes is the one they can't stand because they feel no connection.

If you have a really entitled parent with abusive tendencies it's really hard to figure out what is a bad situation vs a your parent situation, but often before you have to make a move the person quits or just stops showing up.

They key in AL as opposed to home is if you have a poorly behaved parent you can work with the team to make sure meds are right and consistently taken. It's easier to visit too without constantly trying to figure out what is really go on. It's pretty clear-proper meds-happy and socializing, wrong dose miserable, complaining, dramatic, explosive and staff and peers would avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a plan in mind for when your aide is sick or has a conflict. If you're hiring directly rather than an agency, what's your backup plan?

We had a direct hire person in mind but are leaning toward an agency for that reason. They said they would try a few folks so if the primary person is unavailable the person coming would be a bit familiar. We have some family about 30 min away who can help in a pinch but wanted to have something reliable for day to day. It may be that as she gets back to baseline it will go to 4 hours 6 days a week, but rides to the doctor, etc will be very useful.

You are going to have difficulty staffing if you are only looking for 4 hours/day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a plan in mind for when your aide is sick or has a conflict. If you're hiring directly rather than an agency, what's your backup plan?

We had a direct hire person in mind but are leaning toward an agency for that reason. They said they would try a few folks so if the primary person is unavailable the person coming would be a bit familiar. We have some family about 30 min away who can help in a pinch but wanted to have something reliable for day to day. It may be that as she gets back to baseline it will go to 4 hours 6 days a week, but rides to the doctor, etc will be very useful.

You are going to have difficulty staffing if you are only looking for 4 hours/day

+1. Some will take that few hours until they get a better job or they take it because they are in school and once they graduate or get an easier job to pay for school, they leave. You really need to be careful about taking advantage of family "in a pinch." A lot of people make offers and they mean once in a blue moon, like less than once a year. You will find yourself "in a pinch" much more than that. You need to think about what you want family gatherings to look like once dad is gone too. If family starts to feel taken advantage of do you want to lose them or have them avoid you at weddings? This isn't the 1950s when jobs were more steady, child rearing was less intense,etc. Most people have plenty of life stressors and while they may feel obligated to say they will help in an emergency, they may feel resentful.