To do Santa or not?

[Anonymous]

So we kind of punted on Santa. We are not religious and I hate lying to my kid. Also, my parents were VERY into Santa when I was a kid and it was not "magical" to me. It felt stressful and made Christmas into this big evaluation of who I am as a person. I don't have fond memories of believing.

However my DH adamantly did not want to be the family that told a 4 yr old (the first year she was old enough to get it, she's now 5) that Santa wasn't real. So we discussed it and decided on the compromise that we would tell her it was up to her whether to believe or not, and we would go ahead and do a few presents "from Santa" and she could decide. She openly expresses doubt but also sometimes is like "I definitely believe in Santa." She's excited about the idea of Santa but I also think she wouldn't be devastated to realize it's not real. It's like she's having fun pretending to believe in Santa.

In a weird way I think us being somewhat ambivalent is sort of a best case scenario, because she's learning that you can just choose to believe something for fun, which I think is not a terrible thing to learn. But we also aren't going all in on this elaborate scheme. She'll set out cookies and milk for Santa and we'll eat them, but if she asks us directly if Santa is real, we'll say "I'm not sure I believe it, but what do you think?" I get to be the doubter this way, but not forceful about it. DH encourages her belief more, and that's a fun thing for them to share.

I'm sure some people on here will decide this is terrible, but it's actually working for us and I"m happy with where we landed. Maybe she'll hate us later for not either making it into a more elaborate lie or alternatively just telling her the truth from the start, but I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't do Santa. We barely do Christmas. Our kids have plenty of joy and excitement in their lives, just not surrounding this holiday.

Depressing.

Nope, we are all a pretty happy family with zero drama. It's great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kid; we kind of tried to do it with ours but he was skeptical at 4 and now, at 5, is fully aware that Santa is not a literal man that will be entering our home by way of the chimney. Our 3y/o doesn’t appear to really “get” the whole thing and is pretty disinterested

+1 our 4.5yo loves make believe but makes a distinction between real animals and say dragons and mermaids. Met Santa at some holiday events and liked that but understands that's not real. He is so excited for Xmas but not the Santa part per se - isn't really mentioning it or reacting when we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my greatest memories is when my child was about 4 or 5 and asked Santa on Christmas Eve through a letter for a set of lit yard reindeer for her mom (me) b/c she knew I wanted some. DH ran out to every store before they closed and finally found one set. We plugged them in and set them in the playroom. Santa left her a note in her stocking and she ran to the playroom jumping up and down yelling, “I did that for you! I did that!” She was so proud of herself, and it was the most joyous, magical thing ever.

That’s a really sweet story, love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my greatest memories is when my child was about 4 or 5 and asked Santa on Christmas Eve through a letter for a set of lit yard reindeer for her mom (me) b/c she knew I wanted some. DH ran out to every store before they closed and finally found one set. We plugged them in and set them in the playroom. Santa left her a note in her stocking and she ran to the playroom jumping up and down yelling, “I did that for you! I did that!” She was so proud of herself, and it was the most joyous, magical thing ever.

I love this. Sweet baby.

[Anonymous]

On some level all kids figure out at a much earlier age than they ever tell us that Santa can’t be real. They know. But there’s not much magic in the world. We all want to believe something as pure and good as Santa really could be real, even as we know it couldn’t. It isn’t lying to your kids so much as it’s indulging the years when magic is still a thing that could be and not a thing you only wish was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we kind of punted on Santa. We are not religious and I hate lying to my kid. Also, my parents were VERY into Santa when I was a kid and it was not "magical" to me. It felt stressful and made Christmas into this big evaluation of who I am as a person. I don't have fond memories of believing.

However my DH adamantly did not want to be the family that told a 4 yr old (the first year she was old enough to get it, she's now 5) that Santa wasn't real. So we discussed it and decided on the compromise that we would tell her it was up to her whether to believe or not, and we would go ahead and do a few presents "from Santa" and she could decide. She openly expresses doubt but also sometimes is like "I definitely believe in Santa." She's excited about the idea of Santa but I also think she wouldn't be devastated to realize it's not real. It's like she's having fun pretending to believe in Santa.

In a weird way I think us being somewhat ambivalent is sort of a best case scenario, because she's learning that you can just choose to believe something for fun, which I think is not a terrible thing to learn. But we also aren't going all in on this elaborate scheme. She'll set out cookies and milk for Santa and we'll eat them, but if she asks us directly if Santa is real, we'll say "I'm not sure I believe it, but what do you think?" I get to be the doubter this way, but not forceful about it. DH encourages her belief more, and that's a fun thing for them to share.

I'm sure some people on here will decide this is terrible, but it's actually working for us and I"m happy with where we landed. Maybe she'll hate us later for not either making it into a more elaborate lie or alternatively just telling her the truth from the start, but I doubt it.

We also kinda punted on Santa. On Christmas morning there are presents under the tree - if they ask we say they are from us but otherwise they just open them. I grew up with Santa but don't recall thinking it was particularly magical and think I learned pretty early it wasn't real. I have wonderful memories of Christmas Eve with my family which was our more normal time to celebrate, have a good dinner etc.

[Anonymous]

We have always taken a light touch more along the lines of it’s a fun game and different families do it different ways (partly because that is how my parents did it and also my oldest’s best friend is Jewish and doesn’t participate in anything Christmas related). But this year my youngest kids preschool teacher has been telling the kids a lot about the naughty list and how they might not get presents and I hate it so much. He’s really worried about it despite being a great well behaved kid. My oldest was also terrified of the idea of a stranger coming in our house when she was sleeping (she does have clinical anxiety; I’m aware her level of stress about this is not normal). Anyway I’m glad we didn’t take a harder line on it then we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never did Santa and no regrets here. My son did tell me that he was the first of his peers to not know about Santa and he told someone that did believe, but I guess someone has to be that kid.

Good job mom and dad. You should have told your child to shut his pie hole. I guess someone has to be the Ass&&ole, right? And I pick your family.

You want her child to “shut his pie hole” so he doesn’t reveal your Big Lie?

Parents who get irrationally angry about their kids learning about Santa from other kids are the worst. It’s not everyone’s responsibility to keep up with your charade. So silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sitting on a strangers lap while he giggles is very weird.

You're weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never did Santa and no regrets here. My son did tell me that he was the first of his peers to not know about Santa and he told someone that did believe, but I guess someone has to be that kid.

Good job mom and dad. You should have told your child to shut his pie hole. I guess someone has to be the Ass&&ole, right? And I pick your family.

You want her child to “shut his pie hole” so he doesn’t reveal your Big Lie?

Yes.

Lol. You expect children to cover for you? I know the answer is yes. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

I honestly only recently learned that so many people don't do Santa! I thought everyone who celebrated Christmas did. Kind of shocked honestly. Is this generational? I saw on FB nova parents group lots of people insisting it is lying to their children and basically evil. So odd. So curious if there is a particular cultural or ethnic aspct of this view. All white people I know do santa

[Anonymous]

Santa is fun. We don’t go take pics w Santa, we don’t do Santa gifts other than stockings (we let Santa take credit for the stocking but the other gifts are all from actual people/mostly us) we don’t really talk about Santa to our kids and if they bring it up we always deflect or say some variation of “I don’t know what do you think?” or “it’s just magic and no one really knows!”

My son expressed a lot of doubt about the existence of Santa early on like age 3-4 and we never said much about it. I would’ve been fine w him not believing. But now he’s just turned 8 and wrote Santa a lengthy note and was very excited to track Santa on NORAD tonight, left out cookies, etc.

There’s not much that feels magical about real life I think, even for kids. This is one thing that can feel that way for a short time. You probably have 2-5 years of this time where your kid is into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly only recently learned that so many people don't do Santa! I thought everyone who celebrated Christmas did. Kind of shocked honestly. Is this generational? I saw on FB nova parents group lots of people insisting it is lying to their children and basically evil. So odd. So curious if there is a particular cultural or ethnic aspct of this view. All white people I know do santa

I am the reverse. Child of immigrants who didn’t do Santa. Now I am raising an upper middle class kid in a prosperous mostly white neighborhood and surprised by how seriously everybody takes it. I wasn’t prepared for all my four year old’s questions.