Telling my special snowflake he's not so special

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is similar. I just keep repeating the reality that it’s a lottery. I think it’s sinking in. He also watched the “sure ivy-bound” kids get rejected last year. He was sure this superstar was going to Harvard at that one to Yale. And then they ended up at Wesleyan and Penn State. That is what was most enlightening for him.

I've been telling my very high stat DC the same thing. DC feels pressure because everyone assumes DC will be going to an elite univ. I told DC it doesn't matter what they think. Next year, you won't see 99.9% of those kids, so who cares what they think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got into all of them (H, Y, S, and P) and I have no doubt I'd get in today if I were a HS senior. I don't understand why anybody would think otherwise. My grit and drive would have motivated me to do whatever it took to max out my resources and shine. Now, my kid doesn't have that same level of internal motivation and doesn't have the same top GPA and SAT scores. No way would they get in. Thankfully, they know this and I didn't have to tell them. They'll do great at other types of schools and have a fantastic life. It's all good.

PP how old are you? I am not sure you would get in today. Bottom line is there are only a certain number of HYSP slots and there are WAY MORE kids today applying. It's a side effect of population growth.

My kid was like you and we were shocked when she got into her first choice. She did go ED and we are full pay. The college consultant we hired to help her navigate it all but her chances at like 5%. I was shocked at that but finally accepted that for these school it more of a lottery than a reach.

[Anonymous]

For my senior, seeing his older friends go through the college app experience the past 2 years was eye opening and I didn't need to pop his bubble!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is similar. I just keep repeating the reality that it’s a lottery. I think it’s sinking in. He also watched the “sure ivy-bound” kids get rejected last year. He was sure this superstar was going to Harvard at that one to Yale. And then they ended up at Wesleyan and Penn State. That is what was most enlightening for him.

I've been telling my very high stat DC the same thing. DC feels pressure because everyone assumes DC will be going to an elite univ. I told DC it doesn't matter what they think. Next year, you won't see 99.9% of those kids, so who cares what they think.

THIS. Parents literally shouting across the bleachers, "so has 'Johnny' applied to MIT yet? Oh he'll get in." Stupid and Obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post rings untrue to me OP. Are you for real? There is no need to tell your kid anything...the "market" will. He can apply to fancy places and see where that takes him. His school should advise him about his chances and make sure he applies to a range of schools.

I would barf if anyone I knew told their own child they were not a "special snowflake". Kids have to know at least their own family is rooting for them. They find out soon enough that the world at large is a terrible place. Home is supposed to be a safe space free of taunting.

Tell me you are not an immigrant without telling me you are not an immigrant.
Home is where you CAN talk explicitly about not being a special snowflake and find ways to address it. You are supposed to help your child learn and adapt and that means being honest and practical about his/her chances at whatever. You prepare them precisely for what they will find out and teaching them how to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got into all of them (H, Y, S, and P) and I have no doubt I'd get in today if I were a HS senior. I don't understand why anybody would think otherwise. My grit and drive would have motivated me to do whatever it took to max out my resources and shine. Now, my kid doesn't have that same level of internal motivation and doesn't have the same top GPA and SAT scores. No way would they get in. Thankfully, they know this and I didn't have to tell them. They'll do great at other types of schools and have a fantastic life. It's all good.

No one even applied to all of these schools 30 years ago. So these statements are so stupid.

[Anonymous]

Personally I tell my kids with love that they are not special, all the time.
The college admissions process is a humbling experience. No matter how special the applicant.
Best to realize that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is similar. I just keep repeating the reality that it’s a lottery. I think it’s sinking in. He also watched the “sure ivy-bound” kids get rejected last year. He was sure this superstar was going to Harvard at that one to Yale. And then they ended up at Wesleyan and Penn State. That is what was most enlightening for him.

I've been telling my very high stat DC the same thing. DC feels pressure because everyone assumes DC will be going to an elite univ. I told DC it doesn't matter what they think. Next year, you won't see 99.9% of those kids, so who cares what they think.

Excellent point! DC is bearing the brunt of these ridiculous expectations from others as well, especially because he’s legacy.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until his first meeting with college counselor. They have been pouring cold water on elite college plans for the last few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post rings untrue to me OP. Are you for real? There is no need to tell your kid anything...the "market" will. He can apply to fancy places and see where that takes him. His school should advise him about his chances and make sure he applies to a range of schools.

I would barf if anyone I knew told their own child they were not a "special snowflake". Kids have to know at least their own family is rooting for them. They find out soon enough that the world at large is a terrible place. Home is supposed to be a safe space free of taunting.

Tell me you are not an immigrant without telling me you are not an immigrant.
Home is where you CAN talk explicitly about not being a special snowflake and find ways to address it. You are supposed to help your child learn and adapt and that means being honest and practical about his/her chances at whatever. You prepare them precisely for what they will find out and teaching them how to deal with it.

From an immigrant family. I was always told I was special and that I have to work to use my talents and skills. There was no stretch my parents didn't think I could/should take, and that it was my duty to try.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really get it. If your kid has the narrative, courses, grades, and test scores to give HPYSM a shot, why try to dissuade him. Sure, you can tell him how times have changed, but kids like him ARE getting in. Frame the situation, don’t just tell him he’s a (qualified) snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got into all of them (H, Y, S, and P) and I have no doubt I'd get in today if I were a HS senior. I don't understand why anybody would think otherwise. My grit and drive would have motivated me to do whatever it took to max out my resources and shine. Now, my kid doesn't have that same level of internal motivation and doesn't have the same top GPA and SAT scores. No way would they get in. Thankfully, they know this and I didn't have to tell them. They'll do great at other types of schools and have a fantastic life. It's all good.

I wonder if this poster isn't onto something. There is probably something (stats aside) from Harvard or Stanford admits that are consistent across time. What probably has changed is your ability to guess who those people are from test scores and grades alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got into all of them (H, Y, S, and P) and I have no doubt I'd get in today if I were a HS senior. I don't understand why anybody would think otherwise. My grit and drive would have motivated me to do whatever it took to max out my resources and shine. Now, my kid doesn't have that same level of internal motivation and doesn't have the same top GPA and SAT scores. No way would they get in. Thankfully, they know this and I didn't have to tell them. They'll do great at other types of schools and have a fantastic life. It's all good.

I wonder if this poster isn't onto something. There is probably something (stats aside) from Harvard or Stanford admits that are consistent across time. What probably has changed is your ability to guess who those people are from test scores and grades alone.

It’s never been about grades and test scores alone. The best schools are looking for demonstrated initiative, drive, ambition to make a difference. People who go to Harvard don’t start out with the dream of a job at Google or a federal government agency. They have a vision and want to be a leader.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't really worry about this yet. He 's a junior. Just make sure he selects some targets/safeties and applies to them next year. He will become interested in one of them if he needs to!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I tell my kids with love that they are not special, all the time.
The college admissions process is a humbling experience. No matter how special the applicant.
Best to realize that now.

College admissions is not a humbling experience, it is a deceptive experience. It is far from how the real world works. It has turned into a very boring gameified process.