Torn between what's a right fit for my child/family and the what ranks much higher

[Anonymous]

Just want to add that if you push your kid toward the school you wish they'd attend--and the kid feels in their bones its not right for them, your relationship with your kid will suffer. If you support the right fit--your kid will know in their bones that you've got their back. We pulled our kid from a Big 3 very reluctantly because they hated it--felt they didn't fit in, felt it was a subtle "judgey" atmosphere socially, felt there weren't any truly quirky kids there--best decision we ever made. Kid is thriving, family is happy. Fit runs deep- it is serious business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to add that if you push your kid toward the school you wish they'd attend--and the kid feels in their bones its not right for them, your relationship with your kid will suffer. If you support the right fit--your kid will know in their bones that you've got their back. We pulled our kid from a Big 3 very reluctantly because they hated it--felt they didn't fit in, felt it was a subtle "judgey" atmosphere socially, felt there weren't any truly quirky kids there--best decision we ever made. Kid is thriving, family is happy. Fit runs deep- it is serious business.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really hard to give advice without knowing the school you’re comparing to the Big 3.

No, it isn't. You can't know as well as OP that the other school is a good fit for their child specifically. Your interpretation would be clouded by your sense of any particular shcool with respect to you or your child. Prestige or fit can be discussed without specific schools in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a bit torn between two schools. One we know is a good fit for our family and child. The other ranks higher and is a Big 3. Deep inside I know I will feel more at home with the first choice and the school's mission is more aligned with my family's educational goals, but also don't want to give up the Big 3. What if it turns out better. What's your advice?

Both schools are K-12 and the rankings are not that far apart. But I might be overthinking and too focused on the ranking. And I honestly don't know that much at the big 3 one compared to the other one (other than the big name.) In other words, the first school is prestigious too, but the big 3 is big 3. In the end, how much does big 3 really mean? I don't know. I just can't get over the "what if" question... so still debating.

OP, no one outside DC knows what the “Big 3” in DC are. I live in NYC and we wouldn’t find your Big 3 remarkable in any way. So unless your kid is just going to stay in DC all their life, don’t sweat it.

[Anonymous]

I would add that schools do get reputations based on reality and years of people's experiences. The private school world in the DMV is actually quite "small." The schools with the best reputations ("Big 3/Big5") are clearly doing, and historically have always done, something very right.

A school with a lesser reputation is there for reasons.

I would also argue that you really don't know "fit" until you are a part of a school community. The shiny brochures and welcome events are one layer. The actual community and day to day of a school is deeper. You and your child really don't know how they will feel until they give it a chance and become a part of that community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would add that schools do get reputations based on reality and years of people's experiences. The private school world in the DMV is actually quite "small." The schools with the best reputations ("Big 3/Big5") are clearly doing, and historically have always done, something very right.

A school with a lesser reputation is there for reasons.

I would also argue that you really don't know "fit" until you are a part of a school community. The shiny brochures and welcome events are one layer. The actual community and day to day of a school is deeper. You and your child really don't know how they will feel until they give it a chance and become a part of that community.

By this logic I should believe the Big 3/5 reputations and avoid them because I don't like the reputation

[Anonymous]

Fit is important, and so is feeling like your money is being well spent. There were two schools we toured that honestly felt like our current public school. One even used the same math and reading curriculum. There was nothing that said to me “this is worth $40k per year.” Then we toured two supposed “big 3s” (virtually at first). There was a noticeable difference in the teachers, students, classes and later, facilities. We couldn’t care less about prestige, but we do care about getting real value for the huge tuition payment. YMMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would add that schools do get reputations based on reality and years of people's experiences. The private school world in the DMV is actually quite "small." The schools with the best reputations ("Big 3/Big5") are clearly doing, and historically have always done, something very right.

A school with a lesser reputation is there for reasons.

I would also argue that you really don't know "fit" until you are a part of a school community. The shiny brochures and welcome events are one layer. The actual community and day to day of a school is deeper. You and your child really don't know how they will feel until they give it a chance and become a part of that community.

By this logic I should believe the Big 3/5 reputations and avoid them because I don't like the reputation

Okaaaay. But most people want their kids to be in schools that have built a reputation for excellence in all areas of education. Perhaps that is why the demand for those schools is consistently so strong. But you do you and send your child to whatever school makes the most sense for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best fit over prestige any day

This. I can’t believe this is even a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best fit over prestige any day

This. I can’t believe this is even a question.

Reading this board daily for 2ish years, it has been made perfectly clear to me that for a large number of families, choosing a school has very little to do with what’s best for the children and a lot to do with what’s going to “look” best. Gotta keep up appearances!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a bit torn between two schools. One we know is a good fit for our family and child. The other ranks higher and is a Big 3. Deep inside I know I will feel more at home with the first choice and the school's mission is more aligned with my family's educational goals, but also don't want to give up the Big 3. What if it turns out better. What's your advice?

Both schools are K-12 and the rankings are not that far apart. But I might be overthinking and too focused on the ranking. And I honestly don't know that much at the big 3 one compared to the other one (other than the big name.) In other words, the first school is prestigious too, but the big 3 is big 3. In the end, how much does big 3 really mean? I don't know. I just can't get over the "what if" question... so still debating.

OP, no one outside DC knows what the “Big 3” in DC are. I live in NYC and we wouldn’t find your Big 3 remarkable in any way. So unless your kid is just going to stay in DC all their life, don’t sweat it.

But do know this, OP: Just because plain Jane from NYC hasn't heard of STA doesn't mean college counseling offices don't. They do. People on here do now want to believe it, but the "Big 3," plus about 2 others around here, are well-known to those for whom it matters. With that said, they are not pleasant places for kids to attend school. And you say the "first school" isn't far off from the Big 3, so that does make a difference. For instance, if you're talking Potomac or Holton, you're still getting that prestige, but be warned, those are pressure cookers, too--they're just great at hiding that during the admissions process. Knowing the schools would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fit is important, and so is feeling like your money is being well spent. There were two schools we toured that honestly felt like our current public school. One even used the same math and reading curriculum. There was nothing that said to me “this is worth $40k per year.” Then we toured two supposed “big 3s” (virtually at first). There was a noticeable difference in the teachers, students, classes and later, facilities. We couldn’t care less about prestige, but we do care about getting real value for the huge tuition payment. YMMV

Which private uses the same math and reading curriculum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we’ve made the decision to go with the best fit, which honestly is also a very good school. Talked to current parents and felt that our family will really enjoy the experience. Thank you to you all.

Do we get to know which school? So excited for you!

We are going to WIS. And we are excited about it.

[Anonymous]

Fit is fine as long as it is the best fit for the child, and not just the family overall.

[Anonymous]

And remember OP, it is like any topic on DCUM. You have most people hammering pro-whatever-choice they made to make themselves feel better about the choice they made--be it schools, drinking, eating, size, relationships, money.....