Do married men have crushes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have crushes, and I find I usually fantasize about one in particular at a time, until that one fades, then a new one starts. These crushes have become more intense since my wife and I stopped having a regular sex life. I acted on it with one and it became very messy so I am more careful now.

Messy how?

Messy because when we finally had sex it was amazing, you forget how great life is with regular sex. She ended up falling for me, and it eventually turned ugly with her making more demands of my time and getting very angry when I had to leave. Our last meeting ended badly and we aren't in touch. Which is a shame because we were friends before. I wouldn't do it again with someone who is single (she was recently divorced).

\

NP. That wasn't a crush like the OP is asking about. It was a full-on affair (yes, even if you only had sex a few times). Started as a crush but you're perfectly illustrating how crush crosses into affair.

It's very telling that you say you "wouldn't do it again with someone who is single," implying you would do it again with someone who is married or in a relationship. Someone who has something to lose by going after you and something to gain by keeping it secret. Just go ahead and divorce; you can be the single one then. No idea why people stay in marriages when they really want to sleep with other people. Please don't parrot the "for the kids!" stuff either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have crushes, and I find I usually fantasize about one in particular at a time, until that one fades, then a new one starts. These crushes have become more intense since my wife and I stopped having a regular sex life. I acted on it with one and it became very messy so I am more careful now.

Messy how?

Messy because when we finally had sex it was amazing, you forget how great life is with regular sex. She ended up falling for me, and it eventually turned ugly with her making more demands of my time and getting very angry when I had to leave. Our last meeting ended badly and we aren't in touch. Which is a shame because we were friends before. I wouldn't do it again with someone who is single (she was recently divorced).

\

NP. That wasn't a crush like the OP is asking about. It was a full-on affair (yes, even if you only had sex a few times). Started as a crush but you're perfectly illustrating how crush crosses into affair.

It's very telling that you say you "wouldn't do it again with someone who is single," implying you would do it again with someone who is married or in a relationship. Someone who has something to lose by going after you and something to gain by keeping it secret. Just go ahead and divorce; you can be the single one then. No idea why people stay in marriages when they really want to sleep with other people. Please don't parrot the "for the kids!" stuff either.

Its for the kids and finances, which benefits the kids. Why does that explanation bug you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On crushes… a married friend of mine had one, she made a Pinterest board of all things associated with him for fun and she and her husband laughed about it. He told her that he knows she’s a passionate person so NBD. This is the way to handle a crush. No need to blow down the house.

Was the subject of the crush a celebrity/actor/musician etc., or a person in her real-life orbit (dad at school, guy at gym, instructor at a class she takes, whatever)? Curious because I can absolutely see collecting stuff about the former but not the latter. Which was the case, PP? Of course as long as she and her DH were cool with it and joked about it, that is indeed a good way to handle it for them even if it wouldn't work for me. I admit to having an online archive of material about a celebrity crush I have but I would feel odd doing that for a real person and snagging pictures from the school website of a neighbor dad or whatever. Still--no judgement if it works out her feelings and her DH knows about it!

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I’ve never acted on any of them and never would. They’re all people that I’ve interacted with: One of them is my ds’s friend’s mom, another is a coworker and the last is a crush from my college days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have crushes, and I find I usually fantasize about one in particular at a time, until that one fades, then a new one starts. These crushes have become more intense since my wife and I stopped having a regular sex life. I acted on it with one and it became very messy so I am more careful now.

Messy how?

Messy because when we finally had sex it was amazing, you forget how great life is with regular sex. She ended up falling for me, and it eventually turned ugly with her making more demands of my time and getting very angry when I had to leave. Our last meeting ended badly and we aren't in touch. Which is a shame because we were friends before. I wouldn't do it again with someone who is single (she was recently divorced).

\

NP. That wasn't a crush like the OP is asking about. It was a full-on affair (yes, even if you only had sex a few times). Started as a crush but you're perfectly illustrating how crush crosses into affair.

It's very telling that you say you "wouldn't do it again with someone who is single," implying you would do it again with someone who is married or in a relationship. Someone who has something to lose by going after you and something to gain by keeping it secret. Just go ahead and divorce; you can be the single one then. No idea why people stay in marriages when they really want to sleep with other people. Please don't parrot the "for the kids!" stuff either.

Its for the kids and finances, which benefits the kids. Why does that explanation bug you?

Aw, cheating on the kid’s mom! So kind of PP, such sacrifice. Great parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On crushes… a married friend of mine had one, she made a Pinterest board of all things associated with him for fun and she and her husband laughed about it. He told her that he knows she’s a passionate person so NBD. This is the way to handle a crush. No need to blow down the house.

Was the subject of the crush a celebrity/actor/musician etc., or a person in her real-life orbit (dad at school, guy at gym, instructor at a class she takes, whatever)? Curious because I can absolutely see collecting stuff about the former but not the latter. Which was the case, PP? Of course as long as she and her DH were cool with it and joked about it, that is indeed a good way to handle it for them even if it wouldn't work for me. I admit to having an online archive of material about a celebrity crush I have but I would feel odd doing that for a real person and snagging pictures from the school website of a neighbor dad or whatever. Still--no judgement if it works out her feelings and her DH knows about it!

Real life person. She didn’t have real life pictures of him up. Just things that reminded her of him, like fashion he would wear…or, I don’t know, a bicycle like his. Silly cute stuff. I thought it was adorable and charming that her husband was completely cool with it. Shows his confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Mine is Padma Lakshmi.

Mine too. I'd eat her turds if she asked me to.

You're supposed to say, she's corn. Says it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

She’s too awesome, it won’t likely ever go away and I’m ok with it.
This is a bad analogy but it’s like a shoulder injury, once it gets fixed you’re ok but you’re never the same, I’ll never be the same and I kind of like that.

Any experience you care to relay on the matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

She’s too awesome, it won’t likely ever go away and I’m ok with it.
This is a bad analogy but it’s like a shoulder injury, once it gets fixed you’re ok but you’re never the same, I’ll never be the same and I kind of like that.

Any experience you care to relay on the matter?

Let me guess, you pressed Floor 23 at the same time but a little devil messed up the buttons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

She’s too awesome, it won’t likely ever go away and I’m ok with it.
This is a bad analogy but it’s like a shoulder injury, once it gets fixed you’re ok but you’re never the same, I’ll never be the same and I kind of like that.

Any experience you care to relay on the matter?

Let me guess, you pressed Floor 23 at the same time but a little devil messed up the buttons.

Don’t understand that one, google was also at a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

She’s too awesome, it won’t likely ever go away and I’m ok with it.
This is a bad analogy but it’s like a shoulder injury, once it gets fixed you’re ok but you’re never the same, I’ll never be the same and I kind of like that.

Any experience you care to relay on the matter?

Let me guess, you pressed Floor 23 at the same time but a little devil messed up the buttons.

Don’t understand that one, google was also at a loss.

In the Waldorf Astoria

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

She’s too awesome, it won’t likely ever go away and I’m ok with it.
This is a bad analogy but it’s like a shoulder injury, once it gets fixed you’re ok but you’re never the same, I’ll never be the same and I kind of like that.

Any experience you care to relay on the matter?

Let me guess, you pressed Floor 23 at the same time but a little devil messed up the buttons.

Don’t understand that one, google was also at a loss.

In the Waldorf Astoria

Love that movie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

She’s too awesome, it won’t likely ever go away and I’m ok with it.
This is a bad analogy but it’s like a shoulder injury, once it gets fixed you’re ok but you’re never the same, I’ll never be the same and I kind of like that.

Any experience you care to relay on the matter?

Let me guess, you pressed Floor 23 at the same time but a little devil messed up the buttons.

Don’t understand that one, google was also at a loss.

In the Waldorf Astoria

Love that movie!

Halfway through, it’s killing me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup! Sure did, she’s pretty and wicked smart

Why past tense?

She doesn’t feel the same.

How can she? You’re married and unavailable.

I’m unavailable, availability has no bearing on this type of thing (for me anyway).
But if I’m completely honest I’ve spent the day watching Hallmark Christmas romance movies.

Confused. Why does her not feeling that way affect your crush, if unavailability doesn’t matter…? Not following.

If I talk about it in a past tense it might go away faster, maybe.

What if it never does?

She’s too awesome, it won’t likely ever go away and I’m ok with it.
This is a bad analogy but it’s like a shoulder injury, once it gets fixed you’re ok but you’re never the same, I’ll never be the same and I kind of like that.

Any experience you care to relay on the matter?

Let me guess, you pressed Floor 23 at the same time but a little devil messed up the buttons.

Don’t understand that one, google was also at a loss.

In the Waldorf Astoria

Love that movie!

Halfway through, it’s killing me.

If you have a general policy of not finishing things you like I suggest you fight through.