Anyone else spend all holidays alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people such jerks? Stop piling on OP as not being "alone". She feels that way and her feelings are valid.

God, some of you are such miserable, nasty people.

Sorry, but considering how many people are truly alone for the holidays and may have clicked on op’s post expecting to be able to find someone to commiserate with it comes across pretty tone deaf and obnoxious. If she had titled her post “anyone else spend all holidays without extended family?” then fine but as is it’s just flat out false and a slap in the face to many who truly have no one to share holidays with.

[Anonymous]

I don't like these holidays as our families are very depressing and there's nothing really to do with the kids where the live. So for the past 3 Thanksgivings we traveled, even during COVID. #vanlife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people such jerks? Stop piling on OP as not being "alone". She feels that way and her feelings are valid.

God, some of you are such miserable, nasty people.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I do not like to cook. Why is that hard to understand? My husband does most of the cooking and when I cook I cook simple things. So a restaurant take-out meal (traditional Thanksgiving meal) sounds like a great idea. We might make a few side dishes to go along with it.

I have a hard time letting go of the idea of the big, loving, supportive family holiday gatherings, where cousins, aunts and uncles are all there, along with the grandparents. I have never had that, even when I was growing up. I grew up without any local family either, and I thought it was lonely, even when I was a child. Due to various reasons including distance and dysfunctionality, and also the fact that the in-laws do not celebrate any holiday and don't want to join us, we have never had that and will never had the big family holiday gatherings. It makes me incredibly sad.

We've tried to create a family of choice but this is very challenging. Everyone already has their friends/family already. Everyone I meet here already has at least one set of relatives/grandparents here and they spend holidays with them. We are the only ones in our social circle who doesn't see family for holidays (again due to distance first of all but also dynfuctionality and disinterested relatives).

While it's fine to spend the occasional holiday alone with just our little family, we spend every holiday alone (and have for the last 15 years). I am in therapy over this issue, but it's hard to accept that we're very much on our own with no family support on either side, not just at holiday time but all the time.

I hear ya OP. Good for you getting therapy. It is a process and I hope you get to holiday joy with your nuclear family.

Hopefully you can create more festive connectivity for your children than what you experienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people such jerks? Stop piling on OP as not being "alone". She feels that way and her feelings are valid.

God, some of you are such miserable, nasty people.

I disagree. Sometimes perspective is a really important thing, and yes, while OP *feels* alone, feelings aren’t facts. OP is unhappy because she is unable to see what she has, instead of focusing on what she doesn’t have.

I left home at 17, and spent many, many holidays completely alone, without any of the trimmings because I couldn’t afford them. I used that money to put myself through nursing school, and I used to volunteer at the hospital on holidays because they always had a hard time filling those shifts. I learned then that even I, at my darkest, had no idea what loneliness really was compared to some of the people that graced the doors of the emergency room those days.

OP a is choosing a fantasy of what she thinks happiness is, vs. The real happiness of feeling gratitude for what she actually has, which is a family of 4 who can afford take out and all the trimmings. It sounds like she has friends and people in her life, other than the few days they are busy, including distant parents.

The reality is, until OP against some perspective and gratitude, she won’t be happy with what she has.

+1

It's fine to be bummed not to have extended family to spend holidays with.

It's lacking perspective to call a family of four "alone"

OP I was dealing with something similar (don't have much extended family and or cousins etc that we see) and one thing that helped was figuring out how to make home celebrations special, even as just us. I started a thread about that and got lots of great tips. Now I look forward to our birthdays and holidays because they do truly feel special and the kids love it, but it is a lot of planning and work to make it feel different from the everyday grind.

[Anonymous]

I've read your posts and want to say I hear you, and struggling myself. Holidays bring out all kinds of emotions and people struggle for various reasons. I usually just hope for January (and no one knows quite how much). We had the big family holidays with all the littles....in the 15 years before we could have a child and we sort of missed out on all the fun of him with all his cousins. It's not the same now. We find other ways, but I get it. Ours just asked "what are we doing for xmas" and my heart breaks and wants those big family times for him. He gets tastes of them and loves to have so many people around. Being an only it's just not the same.

So just wanted to say hugs and I hear you. I'm trying to think of things to do and places to go for our own traditions...while finding care for our older pup who I hate to leave alone either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people such jerks? Stop piling on OP as not being "alone". She feels that way and her feelings are valid.

God, some of you are such miserable, nasty people.

Sorry, but considering how many people are truly alone for the holidays and may have clicked on op’s post expecting to be able to find someone to commiserate with it comes across pretty tone deaf and obnoxious. If she had titled her post “anyone else spend all holidays without extended family?” then fine but as is it’s just flat out false and a slap in the face to many who truly have no one to share holidays with.

Thank you so much for posting this.

[Anonymous]

Yes! And it is bliss! No forced family togetherness/obligations. Remember..most of those people going to large gatherings are doing do out of obligation. Majority of attendees don’t want to be there. Anyone who is offended by this comment is so because they know it is true. Happy holidays everyone!

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I love the idea of big extended family holidays. I love the idea of the kids running around with their cousins and Dh and me chatting with the adults. But, honestly, I really enjoy our little four person family holidays too. It's cosy and relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've read your posts and want to say I hear you, and struggling myself. Holidays bring out all kinds of emotions and people struggle for various reasons. I usually just hope for January (and no one knows quite how much). We had the big family holidays with all the littles....in the 15 years before we could have a child and we sort of missed out on all the fun of him with all his cousins. It's not the same now. We find other ways, but I get it. Ours just asked "what are we doing for xmas" and my heart breaks and wants those big family times for him. He gets tastes of them and loves to have so many people around. Being an only it's just not the same.

So just wanted to say hugs and I hear you. I'm trying to think of things to do and places to go for our own traditions...while finding care for our older pup who I hate to leave alone either!

We lost our 14 year old lab last month and this has given me a great idea to let all our friends know that we'd be happy to pet sit over the holidays. Our house is too quiet.

[Anonymous]

This is us, too.

Most of our friends see their families on these holidays so celebrating with friends (on the actually holiday days anyway) is not feasible.

We often travel on holidays now that our kids are at a manageable age - not always a big trip, but renting a cabin a few hours away, that sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an army brat who grew up with a family celebration of 4 my whole life. I don’t understand why you think that’s “all alone”? You have your family with you on the holiday and it’s a perfectly normal size!

This is more common than OP thinks.

[Anonymous]

Me too OP. It's just my dh and I, since we couldn't have kids due to infertility, so it could be worse sadly.

I just started getting really depressed yesterday; we usually take some short trips or go out and do some fun things, but the same health issues that kept me from.conceiving also make me want to limit Covid exposure.

Just super sucky this year. Wish all of us with very little family could get together with each other!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My little family (me, DH, two kids) spend every holiday alone due to family distance and dysfunctional family (lots of estrangement issues on DH's side).

I find this time of year (November and December) to be the hardest months of the year to get through. All the family holidays, everyone has amazing plans with family, and we always spend all three holidays just the 4 of us.

What can I do to make holidays feel more festive and special, when it's always just the four of us? We already go all out on decorating and the food (we order nice holiday meals from a restaurant and do take-out) since I don't like to cook.

We are new to the area and don't have close friends yet that we could celebrate with. Thanks!

Sounds like a dream lol. We are always traveling on Christmas and it's a nightmare. For me, traditions are what make holidays feel special/festive - reading a specific book on Christmas eve, watching a specific movie, baking cookies for Santa, etc. So I would lean on those to the extent you have them, and maybe come up with some new ones.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a dream lol. We are always traveling on Christmas and it's a nightmare. For me, traditions are what make holidays feel special/festive - reading a specific book on Christmas eve, watching a specific movie, baking cookies for Santa, etc. So I would lean on those to the extent you have them, and maybe come up with some new ones.

+1 to this suggestion. It has worked for me as a lone wolf. I used to pretend the holidays weren't happening, and it just made me lonelier. Making traditions and and observing them has made it a happier time of year.