Girls in princess costumes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4 yr old who loves pink and purple, princesses, ballerinas, etc. If it's pink and frilly, she wants it. Oh and sparkles. Bows too! I was a SAHM until she started PK, and mostly wear black and gray and the only TV she's allowed is Daniel Tiger and Bluey and a couple of things -- no Disney princess stuff. But I believe in letting my kid have some autonomy and especially to be able to make choices over what she wears. So even though it's not what I would pick, I buy her pink ruffly princessy stuff all the time. Other things too, but I don't try to force gender neutral clothes on her (she will reject them, she knows what is up) or steer her towards liking other things. It's her choice.

She was a ballerina for Halloween -- I found a pink and gold tutu with bows and lace and a crown and we did her hair up in a bun like the "real" ballerinas we found photos of online. She was thrilled and looked adorable and spent the entire evening with a huge grin on her face.

But apparently my independent, joyous child who knows her own mind and goes her own way should have been forced to dress as a doctor or a monkey or something "gender neutral" because small kids playing pink princess are bad. Okay.

Enjoy parenting OP! I think you are in for it. Sadly, so is your DD. Best of luck.

I mean you’re a SAHM so your Dd is already getting a lesson in being a useless female

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4 yr old who loves pink and purple, princesses, ballerinas, etc. If it's pink and frilly, she wants it. Oh and sparkles. Bows too! I was a SAHM until she started PK, and mostly wear black and gray and the only TV she's allowed is Daniel Tiger and Bluey and a couple of things -- no Disney princess stuff. But I believe in letting my kid have some autonomy and especially to be able to make choices over what she wears. So even though it's not what I would pick, I buy her pink ruffly princessy stuff all the time. Other things too, but I don't try to force gender neutral clothes on her (she will reject them, she knows what is up) or steer her towards liking other things. It's her choice.

She was a ballerina for Halloween -- I found a pink and gold tutu with bows and lace and a crown and we did her hair up in a bun like the "real" ballerinas we found photos of online. She was thrilled and looked adorable and spent the entire evening with a huge grin on her face.

But apparently my independent, joyous child who knows her own mind and goes her own way should have been forced to dress as a doctor or a monkey or something "gender neutral" because small kids playing pink princess are bad. Okay.

Enjoy parenting OP! I think you are in for it. Sadly, so is your DD. Best of luck.

I mean you’re a SAHM so your Dd is already getting a lesson in being a useless female

And here we go.

I thought one of the ideas behind feminism was that women would not be forced to assume traditional roles, that having choices was the goal. You want to force women into certain roles that you deem appropriate without the women having a say. Sound familiar? Talk about misogyny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people who hate their girls dressing up as princesses are always the same people who are totally supportive if a little boy wants to wear a frilly dress/princess outfit.

A lot of parents have internalized this idea of what a modern girl *should* be like, and it's every bit as narrow as the old stereotypes that girls HAD to wear pink and play house and not play sports.

I know a lot of parents who need their girls to be athletic, interested in STEM, dress in a hip way (that does NOT involve princess dresses or pink or anything overtly girly), etc. Some of their kids gravitate towards this stuff anyway, which is great. Some don't, and their daughters are sad that they can't dress as Elsa for Halloween or take ballet or whatever. I think it's too bad and shows how the real issue with raising kids is not that we are too gendered (we can be, but it's not the heart of it). The real problem is that we don't let kids make their own choices. If your kid loves soccer and math, great! But don't create a system where if your kid doesn't like those things, she's a failure.

Just let kids be themselves. Princesses, pirates, soccer stars, artists, mathletes, whatever. Just let them choose. You don't have to micromanage this stuff. And you should really ask yourself why you care so much. I think if you thought about it, you'd realize it's mostly about wanting your kid and your family to look a certain way to others. Is that a value you want to pass on. I for one do not.

These things don't have to be mutually exclusive...and it really bothers me that people try to suggest that they are.

-- STEM PhD who wore pink, frilly dresses with ribbons in her hair...even when launching her model rockets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4 yr old who loves pink and purple, princesses, ballerinas, etc. If it's pink and frilly, she wants it. Oh and sparkles. Bows too! I was a SAHM until she started PK, and mostly wear black and gray and the only TV she's allowed is Daniel Tiger and Bluey and a couple of things -- no Disney princess stuff. But I believe in letting my kid have some autonomy and especially to be able to make choices over what she wears. So even though it's not what I would pick, I buy her pink ruffly princessy stuff all the time. Other things too, but I don't try to force gender neutral clothes on her (she will reject them, she knows what is up) or steer her towards liking other things. It's her choice.

She was a ballerina for Halloween -- I found a pink and gold tutu with bows and lace and a crown and we did her hair up in a bun like the "real" ballerinas we found photos of online. She was thrilled and looked adorable and spent the entire evening with a huge grin on her face.

But apparently my independent, joyous child who knows her own mind and goes her own way should have been forced to dress as a doctor or a monkey or something "gender neutral" because small kids playing pink princess are bad. Okay.

Enjoy parenting OP! I think you are in for it. Sadly, so is your DD. Best of luck.

I mean you’re a SAHM so your Dd is already getting a lesson in being a useless female

And here we go.

I thought one of the ideas behind feminism was that women would not be forced to assume traditional roles, that having choices was the goal. You want to force women into certain roles that you deem appropriate without the women having a say. Sound familiar? Talk about misogyny!

Please don’t bother responding to the “hurr durr SAHMs” PP as if they’re anything but a troll.

[Anonymous]

Well, they're boring costumes that show no imagination. I'm not annoyed by them, just find them uninteresting and not especially cute. Usually just a phase though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, they're boring costumes that show no imagination. I'm not annoyed by them, just find them uninteresting and not especially cute. Usually just a phase though.

Like most costumes. I saw a lot of dinosaurs, witches, fast food, and zombies. Not exactly pushing the envelope. But they’re kids. If it makes them happy who are any of you to judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I a bad person that I have a visceral reaction when I see girls in traditional princess costumes? If they’re non-traditional like Mulan or Leia (ie people who actually DO something) I’m okay with it. Even the Frozen princesses who are so popular nowadays seem to just exist to be blonde and pretty. Btw I have a 5yo and so far we’ve been doing creative/neutral costumes like doctor or monkey, but she’s starting to get influenced by her K classmates :-/

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they're boring costumes that show no imagination. I'm not annoyed by them, just find them uninteresting and not especially cute. Usually just a phase though.

Like most costumes. I saw a lot of dinosaurs, witches, fast food, and zombies. Not exactly pushing the envelope. But they’re kids. If it makes them happy who are any of you to judge?

+1
I mean, OP cites her DD has been creative things like a doctor and monkey! How interesting, awesome, original, and cute

Personally, I love the kids who show up and you see in their face how excited and proud they are of their costume. I don’t care if it’s an Elsa Costume from the Disney store, or a dust bunny costume they devised for themselves out of dollar store mops.

Kids get enough messaging about what they should and shouldn’t be, how they should look, how they should feel. Let them have one day to just.. feel good. Play pretend and show the world. Be anything they want to be and get rewarded just for being that thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people who hate their girls dressing up as princesses are always the same people who are totally supportive if a little boy wants to wear a frilly dress/princess outfit.

A lot of parents have internalized this idea of what a modern girl *should* be like, and it's every bit as narrow as the old stereotypes that girls HAD to wear pink and play house and not play sports.

I know a lot of parents who need their girls to be athletic, interested in STEM, dress in a hip way (that does NOT involve princess dresses or pink or anything overtly girly), etc. Some of their kids gravitate towards this stuff anyway, which is great. Some don't, and their daughters are sad that they can't dress as Elsa for Halloween or take ballet or whatever. I think it's too bad and shows how the real issue with raising kids is not that we are too gendered (we can be, but it's not the heart of it). The real problem is that we don't let kids make their own choices. If your kid loves soccer and math, great! But don't create a system where if your kid doesn't like those things, she's a failure.

Just let kids be themselves. Princesses, pirates, soccer stars, artists, mathletes, whatever. Just let them choose. You don't have to micromanage this stuff. And you should really ask yourself why you care so much. I think if you thought about it, you'd realize it's mostly about wanting your kid and your family to look a certain way to others. Is that a value you want to pass on. I for one do not.

These things don't have to be mutually exclusive...and it really bothers me that people try to suggest that they are.

-- STEM PhD who wore pink, frilly dresses with ribbons in her hair...even when launching her model rockets

I am PP and I certainly wasn't saying these things are mutually exclusive. The opposite, actually. My point was that parents often have very narrow expectations for what it means for their child to be "successful". Of course a child can be into pink and princesses and also be into rockets and space, or love math, or whatever. Glad you found your own path.

And OP, please note that this is a person with a PhD in STEM who liked stereotypically girly things as a child. Maybe all those princesses you see on Halloween are future scientists, politicians, lawyers, etc. Maybe your little doctor monkey will become a preschool teacher or decide to be a SAHM. It's up to her, not you, and the more you just allow her to be herself, the more likely it is that she will find success in whatever it is she chooses to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are imposing a crap ton of your own issues on very small children (including probably your daughter).

First of all, you don't even know how these kids think about these things. For a lot of little girls, dressing as a princess or whatever for Halloween is just an opportunity to wear something fun and elaborate that they don't get to wear everyday. A lot of kids don't think they are actually *becoming* whatever they are dressed as. I saw a bunch of little kids dressed as cars for halloween this year (fire trucks, police cars, bull dozers, for instance). If you see that, do you think "oh no does that child think fire trucks are sentient? doesn't he understand that a police car is problematic in 2021?" Because... that would be dumb. That kid is just thinking "trucks are cool! I'm a truck!"

Same with little girls and princess stuff. They are not thinking "I want to be a princess who stuff happens to and has limited personal agency and the purpose of looking pretty!" They just think "Pink! ruffles! lace! fun!" And in their minds, those princesses probably do things. These kids are getting all the empowerment messages all the time. But for god's sake, please let them just make their own choices and have fun. Halloween is supposed to be enjoyable for kids.

Also you might want to consider that you have some internalized misogyny that makes you reject things that are overtly feminine, and ask yourself why. Do you have this same reaction when little boys dress up as pirates or ninjas for halloween? Do you think they too should dress up as doctors, since pirates and ninjas are violent? Or is it just little girls dressed in fancy princess clothes that irk you. Think on it.

slowclip.gif [

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people who hate their girls dressing up as princesses are always the same people who are totally supportive if a little boy wants to wear a frilly dress/princess outfit.

You beat me to it.

I was just about to ask "How you feel if a 5yo little boy showed up dressed like Snow White?"

They would probably feel pride in living in such a progressive neighborhood, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they're boring costumes that show no imagination. I'm not annoyed by them, just find them uninteresting and not especially cute. Usually just a phase though.

Like most costumes. I saw a lot of dinosaurs, witches, fast food, and zombies. Not exactly pushing the envelope. But they’re kids. If it makes them happy who are any of you to judge?

Thank you.

Why do so many people insist on taking the fun out of everything?

"Oh look, another astronaut. How boring"

[Anonymous]

This is one of those things that bothered me as a childless observer but stopped bothering me as a mom who saw the totality of these girls’ interests and experiences.

Also, watch Brave. Brave and Mulan are my two favorite disney princess movies. But I think we can also give a shout out to Snow White, who was a kind and forgiving person who maintained a positive attitude despite significant life setbacks and also displayed remarkably little ageism or abilityism — how many medieval nobles would be willing to sweep the floor for a household of little people? Sure, she didn’t save herself but isn’t there a quiet heroism in maintaining your dignity, kindness and tolerance in a world that is set up to deprive you of agency over your own future? Just a thought….

The Rapunesel story is the one that really creeps me out with the demonized mother figure. And Beauty and the Beast because the Beast clearly has deep seated anger control issues and is probably emotionally or physically abusing her before their fifth wedding anniversary. But the yellow dress is pretty and I like her hair.

[Anonymous]

There’s something wrong with you OP. I’m sorry that you are disconnected from the side of you that wants to express a frilly feminine side. That’s so second wave feminism.

FWIW I fully expect my girls to go on to do great things. If they want to *gasp* wear a tutu on Halloween and play with dolls I encourage them to find their own interests and know that I love them no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being viscerally annoyed by little girls' interests is not as progressive as you think it is.

This. It's actually pathetic. Get over yourself op.