Advice on helping friend with special needs child

[Anonymous]

I just found out from a friend that her DC has a neurological disorder that will likely make it so the child will never be able to walk or talk. The child is just 18 mos old. The condition is not terminal, but it is life-altering for the whole family, naturally.
My friend is devastated. She and her DH have wanted their privacy lately, which I completely understand. I and our other friends would like very much to be supportive, but we are unsure of what to say or how much to ask about visiting, what we can do, etc. They have been living with the diagnosis for a couple of months w/o telling anyone; are they now ready for visitors, offers of help? We want to be available but not overstep--is there a way to do this that would be best? TIA.

[Anonymous]

you are such a great friend. I was in a similar situation, my DS was diagnosed with a disease and I completely closed all doors and stopped answering the phone. people need time to grief, but I think that just dropping an email or leaving a voice message letting them that you are thinking about them would be very appreciated at this time. I continue struggle with my new way of life but I'm also learning to live with it and in a way is easier when you have great people like you around. it just took me time to realize this.

[Anonymous]

OP, we're in the same situation with our friends. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we're talking about the same family. We just plan to be supportive and available, not tiptoeing around the issue or being awkardly silent, but rather being open and welcoming, and sharing with them our own challenges and joys.

[Anonymous]

Do you know what 'neurological disorder' it is? There are so many, and just so you are aware (and hopefully your friends will find this out too) a very early diagnosis does not guarantee what life long-term will be like for this child. This is coming from a parent who was told her child would never walk or write. Five years later, my child runs, is an early reader, and writes (although it is his favorite thing) I have heard other similar stories through our 'neurological disorder' five-year journey. Unless the child is in a vegetative state, I would not give up hope just yet. We are so lucky to live in a progressive, medically-enriched metropolitan area, where early intervention is readily available. AND THE KEY IS EARLY, VERY EARLY INTERVENTION--physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy. And if the child is as bad off as you hear, I would not rely on the county-based services. I'd find private pediatric therapists for an eval ASAP.

Anyway, I know you are not the parent, just the supportive friend. But if your friends do reach out to you, and are ready to discuss in depth the diagnosis and prognosis, then feel free to share this piece of hope with them. As PP said, you are a great friend, but just give them a bit of time. Just never think of this child as a 'poor helpless child'. Think of him/her just as you would any other beautiful child with unique gifts.