Can't make an out of town funeral tomorrow? Etiquette advice.

[Anonymous]

My stepdad's elderly mother passed away last week. She was a lovely woman, always very kind to my family. We'd like to attend the funeral but it is three hours away. I'm worried about driving on the roads tonight/tomorrow morning and getting stuck in tomorrow's snow showers on our way home.

I know my mom and stepdad will be disappointed, but I think they'll understand when I call to explain later today. What else should I do? Send a card, flowers to the funeral home (I didn't see anything about in lieu of flowers, etc.)

Give me your best advice, DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Send food to their house.

[Anonymous]

If you really can't make it, I would send flowers, and more importantly, write down some of your favorite memories of her. When I lost each of my parents, those written memories were the things that meant the most to me. It was so touching to hear how other people saw them and knew them.

[Anonymous]

Roads are fine, leave now.

[Anonymous]

^mostly worried about the snow tomorrow afternoon/evening when we'd be driving back.

[Anonymous]

We have had that situation. We have gotten stuck for a weekend somewhere without proper clothing - it sucked (went for basics at Target) and another time pulled over and got a hotel room for the evening and continued in the AM. Not worth the risk but I would go and pack accordingly given it is important to your parents. Bring a shovel, snacks and supplies.

[Anonymous]

Go. You'll be fine.

(Always, ALWAYS, go to the funeral.)

[Anonymous]

Thanks DCUM.

OP, here. Drove up this afternoon--roads and traffics were no problem. I realized that if we attend the viewing and service, we can still make it home before the messy rush hour commute. Glad you encouraged me to figure it out,

[Anonymous]

Have a safe trip home, OP.

[Anonymous]

So sorry for your loss, OP. I know your mom is glad you're there. Safe travels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks DCUM.

OP, here. Drove up this afternoon--roads and traffics were no problem. I realized that if we attend the viewing and service, we can still make it home before the messy rush hour commute. Glad you encouraged me to figure it out,

This was absolutely the right thing to do and I applaud you for going. You will never regret going to the funeral, only not going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send food to their house.

Send flowers to the funeral house (a boquet of the deceased lady's favourite flowers), food to your parents' house, and also send a supply of toilet paper. They'll be having visitors, plus, grief does affect one's body and for many people this means increased toilet visits. You'll take a load off their shoulder sending those, tho some poeple may find the idea of sending toilet paper bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think DCUM reads my mind. I also have an out-of-town funeral to attend, a little over 3 hours away, and am worried about the roads (chance of wintry mix Saturday afternoon/evening). I've been on the fence about what to do, but think we'll at least try to make it.