for those of you with high school aged or graduated kids and you worked -

[Anonymous]

Do you regret working? I am definitely not trying to start a debate here. I work full-time, and I have 2 kids. I love working, I'm a better, more patient wife and mother because I work, and my husband is a better, more patient husband because he works. However, like all moms, I get a twinge about my choices, and I often wonder if I'll regret working when they are older, knowing I missed out on some of their day-to-day experiences.

[Anonymous]

Will your husband regret working when they are older, knowing he missed out on some of their day-to-day experiences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will your husband regret working when they are older, knowing he missed out on some of their day-to-day experiences?

I don't know. Ask him. HOw does that address the OP's question?

[Anonymous]

OP here. No, he wouldn't, which is why he isn't asking this question and I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will your husband regret working when they are older, knowing he missed out on some of their day-to-day experiences?

OP's husband is free to ask that question on a forum if he is concerned. But right now it's OP asking, not her husband.

[Anonymous]

I don't regret working because my salary is what provided my kid with food and shelter and other things I consider necessary.

I do regret holding on for too long for a job that was super stressful, and that impacted my ability to be emotionally available to him. I wish I'd jumped ship earlier.

Having said all that, if finances had been different, I would have made the choice to stay home at least during the early years, and I'd probably be posting that I didn't regret that choice either. My kid is awesome, and I'm sure that if I'd stayed home he would have been awesome as well, and I'd think things had turned out well.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP I don't know how old your kids are but I am a working mom and I find it to be much harder now that my kids are in elementary/middle school then when they were infants. When they are infants, they need love and attention and quality daycare can provide that during the day. When they get older, there is homework and activities and then is gets really hard. That being said, I'm 41 years old and my husband and I have saved $1.6M for retirement so we have a lot of economic security which is really helpful for us emotionally. We travel internationally and are able to provide many types of enrichment activities. I've asked my kids many times if they would prefer it if I stayed at home and they don't hesitate to say no. So instead of my choice being I can't afford XYZ, I limit activities that they can participate in based on time commitments/stress it would cause our family.

We've also saved $300K for college so while that won't pay for HYP, I have enough already that they'll be able to graduate debt free and I think that is one of the best gifts that I can give my kids. I don't really have a life outside my work and my family commitments but I'm okay with that as I feel like I am doing the best job I can.

FWIW- We make about $230K a year combined.

[Anonymous]

^^I have saved enough already that they'll be able to graduate debt free from a state school and I think that is one of the best gifts that I can give my kids. Hopefully we will be able to save so that they can go wherever.

[Anonymous]

PP your kids say that because they don't know what its like having a parent home.
I would have said the same thing until I had kids of my own ans I realize he importance of being home.

how have you saved so much for retirement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP I don't know how old your kids are but I am a working mom and I find it to be much harder now that my kids are in elementary/middle school then when they were infants. When they are infants, they need love and attention and quality daycare can provide that during the day. When they get older, there is homework and activities and then is gets really hard. That being said, I'm 41 years old and my husband and I have saved $1.6M for retirement so we have a lot of economic security which is really helpful for us emotionally. We travel internationally and are able to provide many types of enrichment activities. I've asked my kids many times if they would prefer it if I stayed at home and they don't hesitate to say no. So instead of my choice being I can't afford XYZ, I limit activities that they can participate in based on time commitments/stress it would cause our family.

We've also saved $300K for college so while that won't pay for HYP, I have enough already that they'll be able to graduate debt free and I think that is one of the best gifts that I can give my kids. I don't really have a life outside my work and my family commitments but I'm okay with that as I feel like I am doing the best job I can.

FWIW- We make about $230K a year combined.

Agree with this, however If I had as much as PP, I'd stay home. We make $150k combined and only one of us really loves working out of the house. The first year and then preschool, K, 1, and 2, 7, and 8 would be the years I'd stay home if possible. It's hard to start and stop though and we aren't that financially secure to take the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP your kids say that because they don't know what its like having a parent home.
I would have said the same thing until I had kids of my own ans I realize he importance of being home.

how have you saved so much for retirement?

We generally treat decisions based on whether we "need" it rather than if we could "afford" it. We don't really care (for the most part) how other people perceive us and don't try to keep up with the Jones. Sometimes, we'll buy more expensive things because of time constraints (i.e. frig is dead who has one in stock NOW).

[Anonymous]

I don't regret working at all. When they hit middle school I changed my schedule so I would be home after school. I had the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP your kids say that because they don't know what its like having a parent home.
I would have said the same thing until I had kids of my own ans I realize he importance of being home.

how have you saved so much for retirement?

We generally treat decisions based on whether we "need" it rather than if we could "afford" it. We don't really care (for the most part) how other people perceive us and don't try to keep up with the Jones. Sometimes, we'll buy more expensive things because of time constraints (i.e. frig is dead who has one in stock NOW).

I am just wondering how much one could save on that income. I'm your age and we make the same but haven't saved that much, unless u include home equity.

[Anonymous]

My kids are both grown and on their own. When my DD was young (age 5 or so), she was very upset that I worked. She told me that she wanted me to be home when she got out of school. She would sometimes cry and it would really tug at my heartstrings. I would arrive home not too long after she got out of school and pick her up at the babysitters. I also tried to explain that I really had to work in order for our family to make ends meet, so it wasn’t an option. My DS couldn’t have cared one way or the other. He was fine with me working.
I liked the work I did, but if we had been able to manage, I probably would have stayed home or at least worked PT while my kids were growing up.
Now that DD is grown and on her own, I asked her about her feelings of me working as she was growing up. She can remember how she felt when she was young, but she told me the reason she felt that way is that some of her friends had SAHM and she felt she was different. Now, she views it as no big deal and is happy that I worked at a job that I really liked.
In the end, we have two really great kids with great work ethics who are well adjusted, healthy, and happy.
That is all I can ask for. In hindsight, I don’t regret working.

[Anonymous]

Mine are in college and I don't regret working. There are times when it was stressful, and I traveled quite a bit at various points, but still spent a ton of time with my kids, was very involved in their schools and sports, as was my DH. Often our kids were the only one with both parents at games and events. I am close with my kids now as well. I don't think my kids regret my working either. Both kids live a pretty good life and they know it - college paid for, beach house, travel, etc.