grandma gives too many toys?
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Anonymous
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My mom just moved to the area six months ago. She typically has my 4 year son over one night a week and sometimes more, depending on if their is a school holiday, etc.
She has been buying him toys outside of typical holidays, saying that she needs stuff to entertain him with...and of course, she enjoys giving him things. He has grown accustomed to going over there and getting new toys more regularly than I would like. Yesterday, he commented to me that his aunt doesn't love him because she never buys him toys like grandma does. Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone else has had a situation like this? I don't want him to be spoiled, and I do understand her need to accumulate some toys, so that he enjoys his time over there. What's the right balance? |
Anonymous
| My parents did this too. They always had a little gift bag every time we saw them. I had a conversation with my parents, succinctly said that I felt all the gifts were diminishing the value/impact of birthday/Christmas presents. I politely asked them to cut back and they obliged. |
Anonymous
You graciously accept but teach your child that these are toys that Grandma bought for him to play with at her house and that all these gifts need to stay at her house. Let her deal with the bulk. You also teach your son that buying toys is not a measure of someone's love, but just one of many ways that people show they love someone. In our household, one grandma cooks a lot including cooking her children's and grandchildren's favorite foods and that is her way of showing love. She doesn't like the grandchildren and more or less than the grandma who buys books and toys (but doesn't cook very well). |
Anonymous
| Well my MIL refuses to send my kids even a birthday card. Count your blessings! |
Anonymous
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Definitely have her keep all the toys at her house. Also, maybe suggest she stop presenting the toys are gifts. Can't she buy some things for him to use that just show up, and aren't handed to him wrapped up as a present? My mom does this for two of her grandchildren that she watches. She buys stuff for them to play with at her house, but doesn't present it as a gift. Just shows them "look, we have a dolly stroller now!" or something like that.
I'd also nip in the bud any talk that gifts=love. For that comment alone I'd ask for no gifts from anyone for the next few months... |
Anonymous
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My MIL does this too. It irritates me to no end. I understand 15:35's view, but both extremes can be difficult to handle. I think the best option is to ask your mother to tone it down, but I haven't done that in my case, so I've mostly just tried to reduce the focus on the gifts that continue to pour in. The hardest part about comments like the one he made about his aunt is that you don't want to make any negative comment about your mom that could find its way back to your mom. I try not to make a big fuss about all of my MIL's presents and if he made a comment like that, I would very clearly say that presents aren't love, they're just presents. Just make sure that you don't say anything that could be repeated back and seem offensive to your MIL.
In my less mature moments, I consider telling my child that my MIL just has a shopping problem and hoping that gets repeated back to her... |
Anonymous
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My parents do that and it drives me batty mainly because of space issues. Our house is not the Buckingham Palace - we have limited space. But I tend to mainly bite my tongue because I know they are spoiling DCs in part because we were poor when I was growing up and they are buying all the things they couldn't buy me (and did not have themselves when they were kids). They are not poor now so it's sort of a compensation thing.
I did speak to them and asked them to limit the number and size of presents. It helped a little but not much. |
Anonymous
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It will be an ongoing problem. This may be the easiest and only time you can have any influence on the giver.
At 4 your child soon should be able to differentiate between "love" and "stuff". You will need to reinforce this. Your child will be faced with many situations where they have to decide the importance of "stuff" and how it factors into a relationship of love/caring/respect. Don't think this is just a Grandma problem. As far as Grandma, she's probably very entertained by shopping. I imagine it's a joy. |