Melt-down behavior at school....

[Anonymous]

My ADHD K-gartner is just having an awful time at school lately. I keep getting emails from the teacher with reports as to totally inappropriate behavior -- talking out, arguing, refusing to follow rules, yelling at people, etc. We're starting a system where she's going to send home a daily report as to his level on the color chart so I can try to do some behavioral incentives. But I really don't know what else to do. If he yells at someone at home, he gets sent to his room, as I won't let him treat me and his siblings that way. I'm not sure what the teacher expects me to do. I lecture him about respecting his teacher and fellow students when he gets home, take away screen time, etc....but it seems like it either has no effect, or just makes him mad at me and less inclined to listen to anything I have to say.
I'm sure I'm a terrible mom, but what exactly am I supposed to do here?
He's already in therapy and on meds.
And if anyone wants to adopt a K-er, let me know, as you'll probably do a better job than I am.

[Anonymous]

Does he have an IEP, a 504, or a BIP? They should be making behavior charts for him at school - the behavioral incentives need to be instant for him, he can't have to wait for you at the end of the day. Keep home and school separate. If you want to do behavioral charts/incentives for him at home, that's awesome, but don't mix home and school. The school should be doing this for him.

[Anonymous]

Relax mom.. your doing a great job, I'm sure. The fact that you care, have him therapy and are seeking help is doing a good job!!

I'm not sure what kind of therapy he is in but maybe the therapist has some ideas for school. Is the meltdown happening at a certain time of day when he may be hungry or tired or is it when there is a lot of different things going on such as transitions or free play (which can be tough for some kids).. I think the key is to figure out if there is a pattern to the meltdowns and then what may be triggering it.

My son is younger and has different needs but we have a very small chart, that is used by his teachers that a sticker is added to the box when he does what he is supposed to. The chart is used throughout the day not just once a day. It is always there for him to see and when he gets all the stars/stickers whatever, then he gets whatever he is working for that day. Whatever he is working for is listed on the bottom. Then set a bigger goal for him to work towards (say, if he gets all the stars for 3 days straight then he gets a toy he wants, or to watch a movie etc).

[Anonymous]

I have an older child and what worked for him was having a functional behavioral analysis by a trained behaviorist and a behavioral plan put in place at school. Ask the school. Most schools have a behaviorist who works with them.

You should talk to the psychiatrist. Sounds like his meds need to be adjusted.

[Anonymous]

NP here- Maybe try Foster Kline approach? Maybe the teacher isn't a good match? Hang in there. We found out that at least half of the problem was a particular teacher when our DC began changing classes in 6th grade. Something's making him anxious, maybe? Does he get one-on-one time with Dad?

We have found that as soon as we got a grip on a problem, another one would eventually crop up. Hang in there! Try not to let the emails get to you too much. We don't really know what's going on at school, and the teacher is not always impeccable, either.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that at this point the school should be working with you to develop a more formal approach (IEP, 504, etc.).

Just curious, you are posting this in February and saying DS has been having problems "lately". Do you mean that there has been a noticeable uptick in problematic behavior, or just that it's been continuing at the same rate all year, and the teacher is getting more urgent in communicating the problems.

If it's an uptick, and you and the teacher try to figure out if there has been some kind of change, trigger, etc. that is exacerbating the problems?

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I generally think the teacher is great. The fall really went pretty well, with very few problems. I think he really liked her, and was happy to be in school. The honeymoon seems like it is now over, maybe for both of them.

I was thinking maybe the bad behavior was in part attributed to the bad weather, as they've had a lot of "indoor recess" lately. But he got plenty of exercise this weekend, and yet had problems immediately this morning.
His new thing (last month or two) is that whenever anyone tells him not to do something, he gets mad and flips out. I thought the impulsivity/constant movement was trying, but this is so much worse. This morning it was triggered by him eating at a time when he wasn't supposed to be eating (and, yes, he had an enormous high protein breakfast before he left).
They do have a behavioral system in place for all the kids in the class, where he can earn or lose extra "free choice" time. While he does like getting free choice time, he is not motivated enough by it to change his behavior. He'd just sit in a corner with a book all day if they let him do that, I think. Reading and soccer are all he really wants to do at the moment.
I sort of wish they'd let him slide on some of the smaller stuff -- like eating when he's not supposed to be eating, or hiding so he can read a book when he's not that into the classroom work.
He does not have an IEP plan or an official 504 plan. I asked for one before the school year started, and they told me he didn't need one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an older child and what worked for him was having a functional behavioral analysis by a trained behaviorist and a behavioral plan put in place at school. Ask the school. Most schools have a behaviorist who works with them.

You should talk to the psychiatrist. Sounds like his meds need to be adjusted.

This. Something is triggering the meltdowns. He needs more warning before transitioning or the rules need to be spelled out more clearly or he needs to be sitting in a different spot or SOMETHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I generally think the teacher is great. The fall really went pretty well, with very few problems. I think he really liked her, and was happy to be in school. The honeymoon seems like it is now over, maybe for both of them.

I was thinking maybe the bad behavior was in part attributed to the bad weather, as they've had a lot of "indoor recess" lately. But he got plenty of exercise this weekend, and yet had problems immediately this morning.
His new thing (last month or two) is that whenever anyone tells him not to do something, he gets mad and flips out. I thought the impulsivity/constant movement was trying, but this is so much worse. This morning it was triggered by him eating at a time when he wasn't supposed to be eating (and, yes, he had an enormous high protein breakfast before he left).
They do have a behavioral system in place for all the kids in the class, where he can earn or lose extra "free choice" time. While he does like getting free choice time, he is not motivated enough by it to change his behavior. He'd just sit in a corner with a book all day if they let him do that, I think. Reading and soccer are all he really wants to do at the moment.
I sort of wish they'd let him slide on some of the smaller stuff -- like eating when he's not supposed to be eating, or hiding so he can read a book when he's not that into the classroom work.
He does not have an IEP plan or an official 504 plan. I asked for one before the school year started, and they told me he didn't need one.

All school have some sort of behavioral system in place. This is not the same as a functional behavioral analysis of your child and your child having a behavioral plan. The behaviorist will observe your kid in the classroom and figure out what is causing the melt downs. Ask for one.

[Anonymous]

Also, You should ask for an IEP or 504. Even if the school did not think he needed one in the fall, your son certainly needs one now.

[Anonymous]

Ask them to do an evaluations for an IEP. Meantime maybe they will give him movement breaks on indoor recess days? Even informal accommodations will help.

The individual FBA should help too.

[Anonymous]

Does MCPS have a "behavioralist" that can do this? Or do they just send the school counselor? To be honest, I'm not thrilled with the counselor. When we had our first non-IEP meeting, I felt like she lectured me about things I should be doing--even though I had already said that we were doing those specific things. Like she had a set script or something that she uses to lecture parents of hyperactive/difficult kids.
Is it better to pay our kid's psychologist to go and do this? She did it in preschool, but I didn't think it was totally helpful. I feel like the outside professionals often make suggestions that the teachers can't implement.
I'm not seeing any particular trigger point, other than him being asked to do something that he doesn't want to do.

I really don't want him to get slapped with an ODD label. (And my apologies to those of you that do have kids with an ODD label.)

[Anonymous]

You want someone trained in Functional Behavioral Analysis who does behavioral plans all the time. It should not be the school counselor. We are at a DC charter that acts as its own LEA and they call in a behavioral analyst. The school counselor and teachers don't have the expertise and in some cases (like ours) only makes the problem worse. Get a FBA. MoCo should have trained people whose only job is doing this.

Done correctly, a FBA and behavioral plan can make all the difference in the world. It did for our kid.

Since your DS has ADHD, the IEP category most likely is "Other Health Impairments" (OHI) not ODD.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does MCPS have a "behavioralist" that can do this? Or do they just send the school counselor? To be honest, I'm not thrilled with the counselor. When we had our first non-IEP meeting, I felt like she lectured me about things I should be doing--even though I had already said that we were doing those specific things. Like she had a set script or something that she uses to lecture parents of hyperactive/difficult kids.
Is it better to pay our kid's psychologist to go and do this? She did it in preschool, but I didn't think it was totally helpful. I feel like the outside professionals often make suggestions that the teachers can't implement.
I'm not seeing any particular trigger point, other than him being asked to do something that he doesn't want to do.

I really don't want him to get slapped with an ODD label. (And my apologies to those of you that do have kids with an ODD label.)

My son had the same problems that OP is describing. At his MCPS, they had a special education teacher through whom these issues went for programming. My son also had an IEP starting at the pre-k level. If your child is ADHD, he will most likely get an OHI designation, not ODD. Seriously, nothing that you have said so far is even a behavior problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD K-gartner is just having an awful time at school lately. I keep getting emails from the teacher with reports as to totally inappropriate behavior -- talking out, arguing, refusing to follow rules, yelling at people, etc. We're starting a system where she's going to send home a daily report as to his level on the color chart so I can try to do some behavioral incentives. But I really don't know what else to do. If he yells at someone at home, he gets sent to his room, as I won't let him treat me and his siblings that way. I'm not sure what the teacher expects me to do. I lecture him about respecting his teacher and fellow students when he gets home, take away screen time, etc....but it seems like it either has no effect, or just makes him mad at me and less inclined to listen to anything I have to say.
I'm sure I'm a terrible mom, but what exactly am I supposed to do here?
He's already in therapy and on meds.
And if anyone wants to adopt a K-er, let me know, as you'll probably do a better job than I am.

These sound like behavioral problems.