Feeling emotional about trying
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Anonymous
| I have a two year old and I'm ready to try again (have been emotionally ready for a few months) but for a variety of reasons it hasn't seemed like the right time. I think we might just say oh well and start trying. Recently a friend told me about her miscarriage; today a friend told me she was pregnant; and I had lunch with a friend who's going to deliver her second anytime now. I'm really happy for my friends, but came home and burst into tears from anxiety or exhaustion or something. I recognize it might take awhile to get pregnant once we start and I want to be a loving and supportive friend for the other women in my life. Any advice how to hold it together better emotionally? FWIW, it took me awhile to get a medical issue diagnosed when I was trying to conceive my DD, but once it was diagnosed I conceived on my first try. |
Anonymous
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So sorry, OP. I am in a similar position with a 2yo except we have been trying and had two miscarriages. It is SO HARD to be around all these pregnant women and those with new second babies. It is just so hard, especially when I get pregnant so I get my hopes up to stay pregnant, or when I see people having fun together on maternity leave. I don't really have any answers for you, just a lot of sympathy.
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Anonymous
OP, what makes you think you will encounter problems? If your medical issue is resolved/controlled, you may have better luck the second time around. You are worrying about something that has not happened yet 
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Anonymous
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Empathy from me, OP. Most of my friends who had babies the same time as me (2~ years ago) are pregnant or already have a second. It's very hard not to let that make me feel anxious, jealous, bitter, or a whole other host of negative emotions. We've been TTC for a few months now with no success.
Any time I start to feel that way I repeat to myself "It's not about me." It's only natural to have a self-centered reaction to any kind of news since we view the world through the lens of our own experiences. It takes a lot of practice to change your thoughts from "But I'M not pregnant yet!" to "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!" without a million mental steps in between. Something that has helped me is I make sure to write a handwritten note, send a small gift, visit with food, or something like that to focus on the new baby. It helps to redirect the energy from my own frustration into doing something nice for the new mom and her family. |
Anonymous
| Op here. I have no idea if it will be easy or hard to conceive. We keep waiting because, among other reasons, my husband's job might transfer him to another state, but this has been a possibility for a few months now. I am realizing I am sad because I had a fantasy of being on maternity leave at the same time as these other women who are my good friends. I am also frustrated that we will just have to go for it despite the lack of certainty in our plans or wait longer and take hose chances (I am older and also don't esnt too much more distance between a first and second if I'm lucky enough to have another). First world problems, as they say and I feel blessed every day, but have just been very emotional about this whole thing recently!! |
Anonymous
| Sorry for typos above. Am on phone. |
Anonymous
| 8:35 thanks for the ideas! Outwardly I think I've been supportive of my friends, but your ideas on actions sound good. It's just a feeling that investing the energy into being supportive is draining me a bit, but after my family these women are the most important people in the world to me, so it's important I continute to be there for them as best I can! |
Anonymous
Me too, OP. It suuuuucks to see them get pregnant and have their babies, and that fantasy slipping away. It's hard because they really are my good friends and I love them and their kids a lot. One thing that has helped me is to take a break from facebook and instagram and all. When I'm sitting at my desk, trying to get work done even though I'm still bleeding from a miscarriage, I do not need to see cute pictures of them all relaxing together with their new babies. I don't begrudge them their joy, but it's just too hard sometimes. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Very sorry for your loss. I'm just having an emotional response to not having things as I'd hoped they would be... I can't imagine how hard it is after a miscarriage. Best wishes for peace soon! |
Anonymous
You too, OP! It really is hard, but most everyone has hard times in their life, so I try to keep perspective. I'm sure it's tough tpo not even being able to try. I hope you and your DH can work out a plan soon and that your baby wishes come true!! |
Anonymous
I think the perfect time to have a baby is an illusion. There is always something in the works that prevents planners from going for it full speed
OP, if you are older and concerned about your odds, I would let the nature take its course. It sounds like having a second is very important to you, so why wait? Your life situation (DH's job, money etc.) is likely to improve with time, while your fertility will most definitely decline. Don't be sad about not being on maternity leave with your friends; you are right, these are first-world non-problems not worth getting upset about
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Anonymous
| I try to tell myself I will make great new friends on my second maternity leave, thus ending up with more friends total. |
Anonymous
Same here. The baby wave you WANT to ride is often not the same as the one you wind up riding, but once you're there, you wouldn't have it any other way. I'll be your friend, op!
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Anonymous
| Op here. Thanks everyone! I think I'm just having one of those days and needed a boost. So... I ended up writing my newly pregnant friend an email explaining how happy I am for her, but that I'm also processing a lot emotionally. She was SUPER awesome about it, totally understanding and even said she assumed I was having a lot of emotions given what she knows about me. It also made me emotional, but in a good way! I look forward to meeting you all when we are on maternity leave. |
Anonymous
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I'm totally there with you, OP. I was ready to start TTC for our second about a year ago but had to wait for a variety of personal and medical reasons. Now we've been trying for months with no success, and even my last hold-out friend who wasn't racing to get pregnant right away again is pregnant. I feel totally left-out.
But then when I think about my life, I also feel somewhat relieved. I'm sort of happy right now, and a new baby and pregnancy will just be HARD. Anyway, do know that it may take a while the second time around. Almost everyone I know took a longer time on #2 (unless it was a total oops). That's totally anecdotal, but it's what I've seen. I'm also feeling frustrated because I keep counting the months between our kids and feeling upset that the gap will grow each month I don't conceive. 
Just try to stay positive! Sounds like you have some good friends who are there for you, too. GL! |