ILs want my 2 year old to go to a cabin with them for a week, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

DH, ILs and I have a complex relationship. It's never been good, not open fighting, but there's a lot of behind the scenes stuff. DH and they don't have a great relationship but he vacillates between blaming me and blaming them. The only positive about them is that they don't visit often and they and DH aren't very close (they wouldn't put it that way, but in reality they don't speak often and when they do, never about anything real).

They want to plan a visit during the summer and rent a cabin 2 hours away. Our kids will be 2 yo and an 8 yo and DH wants to go with both kids and stay for a week. The 8 year old will be fine, I'm ok with that, but I don't want the 2 yo to go. DH and FIL plan to go fishing and leave 2 yo with MIL. MIL is not abusive but she is inattentive and not very functional. I do not trust her to care for a 2 year old. I learned this with my first and now with age she's worse. DH disagrees, he think it will be "fine".

So I'm left with: (1) send both kids and pray they make it; (2) veto the 2 yo going and have ILs and DH resent it; (3) go with them. No good options. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Just send the 8 yo. Say it will be more fun for everyone. Old people forget how much work a 2 yo is and in a place like that, they could easily wander away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just send the 8 yo. Say it will be more fun for everyone. Old people forget how much work a 2 yo is and in a place like that, they could easily wander away.

That's what I want to do. The ILs are not up to taking care of the 2 year old but they are unaware and will definitely make a stink about it. They've said if I don't send him I'm coming between them, keeping my grandson from them, etc.

[Anonymous]

You're not going? Then the 2 yr old doesn't go.

[Anonymous]

I'd never send my 2yo somewhere without me for a week. I don't see how they can say you're keeping the grand kids away from them if the older one goes. Doesn't that one count for something?

[Anonymous]

Non swimming 2 yo near a lake of some sort (I'm assuming) with an inattentive adult = no.

[Anonymous]

Go for a few days w the two year old. Leave early.

[Anonymous]

I would not let me 2 year old go without me. Grandparents are not generally used to all the difficulties of a toddler and easily can forget what can be dangerous for them. I can only imagine a cabin rental could leave a lot of room for a toddler to get into trouble, especially if your MIL is not careful. And she is 6 years older than when you realized this with your first?

[Anonymous]

Go with the two year old for a couple days. Is there a reason you aren't all planning to go together? Definitely don't send the 2yo, sounds like there won't be sufficient supervision for that:

[Anonymous]

I would go. If possible to go just for a few days, as PPs suggested, it even better. Your child's safety and well-being is worth the fallout, whatever that may be.

[Anonymous]

Does DH even want to go himself, given the dynamic? A week is a long time with people you don't really get along with.

Have they rented the cabin? Say either "not this year" or "we can all come up for a long weekend together."

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure this is really about your relationship with your inlaws. 2 yo are a lot of work and I think grandparents forget that--especially when they live far away. In my opinion, tell DH this is not about snubbing his parents. Tell him to go and have a great time with the oldest kid. The 8 yo will probably be so happy to be without the 2 yo for a while.

maybe you should go for just the first part of the week or weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non swimming 2 yo near a lake of some sort (I'm assuming) with an inattentive adult = no.

Absolutely. Not to mention, a 2 y.o. without either parent for a week, left with grandparents he doesn't know very well, would be miserable and heartsick. Your DH is clueless. I would go for 2-3 days with the 2 y.o. or refuse to allow him to go. The 8 y.o. should make his own decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non swimming 2 yo near a lake of some sort (I'm assuming) with an inattentive adult = no.

Absolutely. Not to mention, a 2 y.o. without either parent for a week, left with grandparents he doesn't know very well, would be miserable and heartsick. Your DH is clueless. I would go for 2-3 days with the 2 y.o. or refuse to allow him to go. The 8 y.o. should make his own decision.

Oops, sorry, read too quickly and missed the part about your DH going. Regardless. A 2 yo shouldn't be left alone by a lake with an inattentive grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for a few days w the two year old. Leave early.

This sounds like a good compromise. I'm with pp about the water issue. I'm paranoid about little kids around pools/lakes/ponds. So easy for something disastrous to happen if they're not being watched closely.