DS Pursuing Relationship w/Deadbeat Dad

[Anonymous]

My nephew was raised his entire life by his mother who sacrificed all she could to give him a good life.

His deadbeat dad was never a part of his life. He paid court-mandated support beginning when my nephew was 3. It took dear sis and the courts that long to get an order, despite filing right after her DS was born. Deadbeat dodged the paper server. Then when he was finally served, responded in writing that he was not the father and not responsible for support. The court said, "Fine. Take a blood test." He refused to show up. 3 times. Until the judge finally threatened to arrest him for contempt of ourt.

Forgot to mention that the day Sis took DS home Deadbeat called and threatened to kill them both. She got a police report saying as much.

Fast forward to Nephew's 12th or 13th birthday. He's reunited with Deadbeat via phone. Deadbeat calls and asks what he wants for his birthday and to give him his address so he can send the gift. Nephew gets excited, asks for a video game and Sis offers a friend's address to send it to. She did not want him to have her address although they live hundreds of miles apart.

Deadbeat called Nephew and told him that he would NOT send him anything because his mother refused to give her real address. Nephew says "Forget that loser" and moves on with life.

Fast forward and Nephew is now a college freshman. (Guess which side of the family has been pooling their money to make this happen?) and Dear Nephew has just told my sister that he's been communicating with Deadbeat and wants to spend one of his 2 weeks of spring break visiting him. Sister is okay with it because she gets the curiosity factor, but DN seems to have fantasized a real father/son relationship with this loser. He asked Deadbeat to take him to a sports event.

I'm a bit livid and worried but don't know how much I should say to him or my sister about it. For all intents and purposes, I was that kid's dad all these years. I sacrificed to help provide while Deadbeat lived without giving him a 2nd thought. He's obviously an asshole. I don't know what he may do.

Thoughts? Advice?

[Anonymous]

Let it go. You have the relationship. When deadbeat dad lets him down again, you will be there. Try not to say "I told you so," just say "I'm sorry he's not the dad you need him to be."

[Anonymous]

I should clarify that Sis is okay with them meeting because of the curiosity factor, but not necessarily okay with him spending a week with Deadbeat.

I honestly don't think the plan is for him to stay at Deadbeat's house for a week but to spend the week in the Sam state. There was some talk of Sis going as well and visiting friends. In not sure of the details.

[Anonymous]

I should clarify that Sis is okay with them meeting because of the curiosity factor, but not necessarily okay with him spending a week with Deadbeat.

I honestly don't think the plan is for him to stay at Deadbeat's house for a week but to spend the week in the Sam state. There was some talk of Sis going as well and visiting friends. In not sure of the details.

[Anonymous]

He's over 18 years old. Don't interfere. He'll realize his mistake soon enough. Some things just have to be experienced. You can't protect him from this.