I wish my mom and my MIL NEVER talked

[Anonymous]

I hate that my mom and my MIL talk at all. I wish they never communicated. My mom secretly HATES my MIL. She can't stand her but she pretends to. My MIL is clueless about it. They never talked when we were dating.

They will talk and then somehow I feel like it always ends up biting us. My mom will tell my MIL things I told her confidentially and then play dumb that she didn't know she couldn't tell her or that she didn't know what to say when my MIL asked so she felt obligated to tell her. I mainly resort to not sharing things with my mom but in general I feel like I should be able to share things with my mom without sharing them with my MIL or sharing them on my terms with MIL. (Yes, I ask my mom to not tell her but she generally ignores it which is why I tell her so little now)
My MIL will tell my mom about something going on with my IL family and then my mom will be mad at me that she had to hear it from my MIL and not from me. It is things that don't affect her and she doesn't talk to anyone else in my IL family so it's not like she should be upset that Aunt Susie had minor surgery and she didn't know about it. It's none of your damn business and it doesn't matter!

UGH I wish they would just not talk. My mom only talks to her so she can get whatever gossip my MIL is spewing and I am sure because she knows it annoys me. My MIL only talks to my mom because she likes to hear herself talk and there are never enough people to share you information with. For awhile my MIL was calling my mom to get information about my DH and I because she just didn't want to ask us (why, I don't know???) which was really irritating. My DH asked my MIL to end that and I think it has either stopped or slowed down to some extent.

I also have issues with my mom. And I don't really want or need my MIL to know about it. If they never talked, she would never know about it but because they do she picks up on it and I know she is gossiping about it to the whole family. I am so tired of my mom getting mad about something she heard from my MIL or my MIL gossiping a half truth of information.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You know how to fix this. Stop sharing with your mother. Limit contact so you don't have to hear her ranting about the ILs.

Some of us have crazy mothers and have learned not to share. It's not the dream mother-daughter relationship, but it's the one that we're stuck with.

[Anonymous]

My parents don't talk with my ILs because they live an ocean away and get updates from me. It's wonderful and one of the reasons they get along when they do see one another (every 10 years or so). You have my sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Boundaries, OP. They start in your own backyard. Your mother can't repeat what she does not know.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar problem with my mom blabbing to her annoying boyfriend who has no boundaries. Bummer because I would like to tell my mother everything, but in confidence. I have told her how I feel but no change. Bummer that we cant confide in our moms. No advice, just with you on this.

[Anonymous]

You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, so you have to censor yourself with your mom and find someone else to confide in.

[Anonymous]

Your husband had no problem telling his mom to stop asking your mom for info. You need to tell your mom to stop. Be specific in what she needs to stop doing. You can't tell her to stop talking to your MIL. You can tell her that youre not going to tell her about the gossip bc you don't want to gossip about your in-laws. Find a best friend to vent to instead of your mother.

[Anonymous]

This is a problem with your mom that has very little to do with your MIL. If you had no MIL, your mom would still be gossiping and sharing your confidential information with someone.

Assume that what you tell your mother is public information, because she has proven that that's how she looks at it.

[Anonymous]

Your mom sounds horrible. I would cut back on the contact with her. Really. You need to pull away from her.

[Anonymous]

Pull away from mom and don't tell her about anything of importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a problem with your mom that has very little to do with your MIL. If you had no MIL, your mom would still be gossiping and sharing your confidential information with someone.

Assume that what you tell your mother is public information, because she has proven that that's how she looks at it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a problem with your mom that has very little to do with your MIL. If you had no MIL, your mom would still be gossiping and sharing your confidential information with someone.

Assume that what you tell your mother is public information, because she has proven that that's how she looks at it.

+1

+2