Am I a doormat?

[Anonymous]

My brother has treated me like shit his entire life (we are in our 40s). And yet, each time he is in crisis, I want to help him.

I don't put myself on the line financially or anything. But it's an emotional roller coaster.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are. I had to do the same thing with my brother. The best thing to do is cut him off, and let him stand on his own two feet.

it's time to get off the roller coaster.

[Anonymous]

The glass half-full would be : thank goodness I'm strong enough to not hazard my financial health!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The glass half-full would be : thank goodness I'm strong enough to not hazard my financial health!

x2! Good for you on that count OP. But value your emotional help too. Sometimes it's time to cut a person off, sounds like you have reached that point!

[Anonymous]

As long as you are putting yourself out financially, I think it is great to be supportive. You need to set boundaries though, so that it doesn't become too much of a burden.

[Anonymous]

I think you do this out of the hope that one day you will be recognized and thanked and somehow have a good relationship. That's not going to happen, OP.

It''s time to set boundaries, limit expectations, and have realistic hopes. This is not going to be the brother-sister relationship you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you do this out of the hope that one day you will be recognized and thanked and somehow have a good relationship. That's not going to happen, OP.

It''s time to set boundaries, limit expectations, and have realistic hopes. This is not going to be the brother-sister relationship you want.

\

x2. It's hard, but better for you to give up the dream. Because it's just that, a pipe dream that will never manifest in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you do this out of the hope that one day you will be recognized and thanked and somehow have a good relationship. That's not going to happen, OP.

It''s time to set boundaries, limit expectations, and have realistic hopes. This is not going to be the brother-sister relationship you want.

Agree with this 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you do this out of the hope that one day you will be recognized and thanked and somehow have a good relationship. That's not going to happen, OP.

It''s time to set boundaries, limit expectations, and have realistic hopes. This is not going to be the brother-sister relationship you want.

That might not be the motivation. Perhaps OP does it because being kind and a helping person is an important part of her identity and ego. If that's the case, then she may already be getting "reward" that makes it worthwhile, regardless of her brother's response.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have this sibling too. Don't let them manipulate or "guilt" you. They probably try to treat you like they did when you and your siblings were little children. Too bad for them. They have to suck up their own responsibilities, just like you and I do.

ITA - do NOT give money. That is a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you are putting yourself out financially, I think it is great to be supportive. You need to set boundaries though, so that it doesn't become too much of a burden.

I would guess a personality disorder in your brother; maybe BPD? Check out walking on egg shells.