housemate paying rent
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Anonymous
| My husband's younger sister (age 27) has had serious addiction problems in the past, to any number of substances and activities. She and DH had a rough childhood and drugs were all too available, and she just got roped in. I'd never had a full conversation with her before this Thanksgiving. After her most recent stint in rehab, we welcomed her into our house and she's been doing very well and we enjoy having her. She has no job, but lives off an ample trust fund from rich grandparents and has a master's degree in a thriving field, so I suppose she could support herself if necessary. She's been sober for several months now and I think she should start paying rent. DH, however, refuses to even broach the subject. He says she's too unstable, she's gone this long without drugs before and always relapsed, and if she feels at all unwelcome she'll leave and go back to her dangerous old home. I think it's just basic home etiquette that someone who lives with you and isn't poor pays a small fee to do so, especially if they aren't buying their own food or paying for anything themselves. I'm newly pregnant with our first child and I'm happy to have her around when DC is born, I just don't want this still hanging over our shoulders, along with the cost of two dependents, one of whom will be very expensive (baby.) Advice? Thank you guys! |
Anonymous
| You need to work this out with your husband before you can work this out with your sister-in-law. |
Anonymous
| It doesn't seem like you actually need the money, and it seems like you aren't welcoming her. |
Anonymous
+1 I agree with pp. How is she as a housemate/houseguest? Does she seem pretty considerate? If so, unless you really need the money, I wouldn't worry about it. A considerate houseguest working on their sobriety is something that should be encouraged - far before money. |
Anonymous
| What does she do all day? |
Anonymous
| OP here-I would say we're extremely welcoming. She eats with us every meal and has a large guest area to herself. She'll go out during the day on walks around the city, if we need her to run an errand she does if it's not out of her way. I can't think of any instance where she's bought luxury items with anyone's money, besides Christmas presents (her own money), although things like tampons and makeup she just shares with me. She sometimes paints, which she's really great at, or reads and uses the computer. We chat in the evening and watch TV shows together, and I genuinely really like her. She's a considerate houseguest up to a point-she'll offer to help us but only once we're already doing something, she'll never proactively set the table or even get the newspaper from right outside. I see what you guys mean about sobriety over money, I'll try to think about it that way when discussing with DH. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| Do you need the money? I would assume your husband has an equal trust fund. I would give her six more months and encourage her to get an apartment nearby so you can see her often. If you think she will be helpful with the baby and you want her to stay, you could ask her to pay a few bills like the water, electric, etc. Instead of asking for rent. I do not think it is unreasonable for her to pitch in more both in terms of the house and financially but I would prefer her to get a part time job or get in a class or something to start allowing her to have a better life. Pick your battles. |
Anonymous
| Oh forgot key detail (OP here): DH gave his sister all his trust fund money to support her |
Anonymous
That's smart. Thanks, I'll bring that up, as I think it's a good plan for everyone involved. I'll offer to help find her a class or internship or something, and then ask if she can maybe chip in for a cheap roof repair we're doing next month. |
Anonymous
This is pretty irrelevant, I think. Or a conversation that you need to have with your DH. His trust fund money is his to do what he likes with, even if it means giving it to his sister. It's not your decision to make. If you like her (and it sounds like you do), if she seems to be considerate and reasonably helpful (it sounds like she is), health is paramount. Don't make this about money, if it doesn't need to be. |
Anonymous
| PPs saying that it is rude and disrespectful to ask for money are forgetting something. The world doesn't stop spinning because you are "working on sobriety". Most rehabs charge money. Part of being a functional adult is paying rent or a mortgage and supporting yourself. This should not throw her into relapse and if it does, she needs to grow up. |
Anonymous
I would not ask for a roof repair. If you were a landlord, that is your responsibility. If you are roommates, shared expenses would be more like utilities and food. |
Anonymous
Then, if she has the finances, she needs to work on getting her own place or renting a room nearby. |
Anonymous
| She needs to be working. There is no excuse for her not to work. |
Anonymous
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Op you still haven't answered - do you need the money? Or do you have plenty? (Plenty saved in a savings, retirement, college etc)?
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