Name calling

[Anonymous]

I have an eight year old son-- he has been diagnosed with a language LD (expressive/receptive related to social pragmatics). He probably has mild attention deficit issues- I notice moderate problems with distractibility and impulse control.

Here is what is happening- when DS gets angry, he has recently taken to calling me names. Some are bad- he's even called me a b&tch. No, we don't routinely swear around him, and DH and I certainly do not call each other names.

I do discipline DS for name calling by taking away privileges, but I need it to stop. We discipline to send a message, but it doesn't seem to be a deterrent. I really think that this is impulsive behavior *and* related to social pragmatic deficits because DS isn't showing signs of extreme oppositional issues (e.g. he doesn't seek conflict, seems to want to do the right thing, wants to be "liked", etc.).

I'm starting to feel verbally abused and realize that if he's doing this at eight, what will he do at fourteen?? Anyone going through this-even with an older kid? What works? Nothing makes me feel like a parenting failure than my eight(!) year old son calling me heinous names in anger.

[Anonymous]

Can you give him some new tools to use instead of name calling? Are there tools that he was using for expressing his frustration that you've taken away that maybe in re-thinking it you could live with (like walking away, stomping up the steps, whatever?).

[Anonymous]

First of all, don't get ahead of yourself. Concentrate on this issue, not what he will be doing at 14. And chances are your son is not going to be shooting heroin because he experimented and called you a b--.

Continuing reinforcing that he cannot call you those names. I think you are on the right track.

[Anonymous]

I would also look at what are the triggers for the name calling, e.g., frustration over not being able to do something, opposition to doing something that he doesn't like, like homework.

Sometimes kids are going to take out their frustrations on you b/c deep down they know that you'll love them no matter what. Maybe a behavioral therapist can help you make a plan. I'd also read something like The Kazdin Method to help you learn some effective parenting strategies.