Why am I never content being single or in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 26 year old female. When I'm single I want to go out and date with the intent of finding a relationship. I want the companionshop, affection, partner in crime, support, and sex. When I'm in a relationship I wish I were single and hate checking in, want to be alone, etc. I would never cheat but I miss the going out on dates, flirting, doing whatever whenever, etc.

This seems to happy no matter how into the guy I am. It really sucks and I end up feeling guilty when I have a boyfriend. It doesnt happen right away buy generally around the 6 month mark. I just don't understand why I'm not satisfied and content.

If you are ino astrology, I am a Gemini woman. I happen to over analyze and I'm indecisive on almost everything.

Please help me. I feel like ok self destructing any good relationship and I won't ever be be happily married at this rate.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for typos. * buy is but and * ok is I'm

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to be happier with yourself and your choices before you find and commit to another guy. You need to find out why you have the attitude of the "grass is always greener..." and can't appreciate the value of what you have vs what you perceive would be better in a different situation. Until you figure out why you pick out the negatives of your current situation instead of the positives, then you aren't going to be satisfied with anything. And you really don't want to subject another person to this until you can sort this out.

As for being indecisive, that can often be attributable to the same instincts. You are indecisive in part because you don't find the positives in a given choice or situation, but you flag the negatives and then you don't want to choose that. You need to try and start to focus on what the positives are on choices or current situation. If you can change to looking for the positives in any given situation or choice instead of the negatives, then you may find yourself able to be more decisive and happier with any given situation.

Start small. Start by thinking positively about small choices (where to go for dinner, what to do on Friday night, etc). Then try to expand it to bigger more complex scenarios. It doesn't mean that you don't recognize the negatives or take them into account, but you try to identify the positives and use the positives to make choices. Use the negatives to veto choices, but not to actually choose.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You are still relatively young OP and I think what you are feeling is pretty normal for your age.

You said that around the six-month mark is when you start to feel that itch to be single again. Well it is usually around this six-month mark when the Honeymoon period of most relationships end and reality starts to kick in.

I think you just like the novelty part of relationships, sex, boys and fun. Nothing wrong with that at your age.

It just goes to show that you are not at all emotionally ready to have a serious and committed relationship now and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I say sow your wild oats now. If not now, then when?

You are only going to be young once. Make the most of it now because you only get one shot at life. So make it count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are still relatively young OP and I think what you are feeling is pretty normal for your age.

You said that around the six-month mark is when you start to feel that itch to be single again. Well it is usually around this six-month mark when the Honeymoon period of most relationships end and reality starts to kick in.

I think you just like the novelty part of relationships, sex, boys and fun. Nothing wrong with that at your age.

It just goes to show that you are not at all emotionally ready to have a serious and committed relationship now and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I say sow your wild oats now. If not now, then when?

You are only going to be young once. Make the most of it now because you only get one shot at life. So make it count.

+6000. You're either not ready yourself to be in a long-term relationship now, or the relationships that have presented thus far have not inspired you to continue with them. Both of these are OK, at your age.

[Anonymous]

OP I am in the same boat and the same age as you. I am finally starting to even be able to envision being in a relationship and not getting totally bored, to not want to throw up at the idea of quiet nights in watching netflix on the coach with a guy. My nights have been much more of the "clubbing, out with the girls" sort, and I think, frankly- a boring night in with a dude, who invariably would rather watch football over real housewives, just does not interest me at all. And I tend to be the alpha in my relationships, basically dictating what we do and where we go and calling the shots, and sometimes it gets exhausting and feels like another chore.

But I feel like with the right guy, and at the right time in our lives, both you and I will be happy to "settle down." And if not.... well, there's always freezing our eggs and getting in vitro! Thats my backup plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am in the same boat and the same age as you. I am finally starting to even be able to envision being in a relationship and not getting totally bored, to not want to throw up at the idea of quiet nights in watching netflix on the coach with a guy. My nights have been much more of the "clubbing, out with the girls" sort, and I think, frankly- a boring night in with a dude, who invariably would rather watch football over real housewives, just does not interest me at all. And I tend to be the alpha in my relationships, basically dictating what we do and where we go and calling the shots, and sometimes it gets exhausting and feels like another chore.

But I feel like with the right guy, and at the right time in our lives, both you and I will be happy to "settle down." And if not.... well, there's always freezing our eggs and getting in vitro! Thats my backup plan

If this is the case, I strongly urge you to reconsider what your idea of being 'in a relationship' means, and I say this is as a 35 year old female. Yes, this is the DC moms and dads forum, but there are plenty of committed (even married) couples who still go out clubbing, host dinner parties, go to happy hour after work and don't get home till 10 pm. Children will change your life (necessarily) more than a relationship will. If you want a committed partner who you can go out with, etc. then seek that out. You don't have to 'settle down' in terms of your lifestyle just because you get married - just find a partner who wants the same things, on the same timeline, that you do.

[Anonymous]

OP right now. Thank you everyone and happy new year!!!!!!

I did say around the 6 month mark is when I feel the urge to want the single life, but I've been in relationships that were past that mark. My longest was 2.5 years and I was madly in love. It was a high school/college sweetheart thing. We both chose to break it off because we were living long distance. I was sad but excited because he was the only guy I had been with. Now I fluctuate between wanting a bf and wanting to be young and enjoy dating different men while I'm young.

I will definitely do some soul searching but I do think I need to " sow my oats" to be happy. With going into relationship after a relationship, I feel like I'm missing out on dating ( not necessarily sleeping) with different men.

[Anonymous]

You need to figure out what you want before playing with some poor saps emotions.

[Anonymous]

Op, maybe you just haven't found the right guy yet.

If you start getting that restless feeling then end it.

[Anonymous]

I was you until I was 24 and met DH. Something about him just totally changed me. Before him I couldn't picture waking up next to the same person every day for the rest of my life. Then I couldn't picture NOT waking up next to him. Who knows OP, maybe that's what will happen to you.

And I must say, even though we have a 2 year old, we have a pretty fun life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you haven't met the right man yet?....and that is OK. You are dating and don't have to give the rest of your life to the person you are dating at the time. If you aren't feeling the same 6 months down the road, cut ties and move on. Nothing wrong with that at all.

One day you'll meet someone and BAM....it'll be different. Those urges after 6 months will go away.

There is nothing wrong with finding someone with similar views. Someone who wants companionship, sex, etc. (best parts of a relationship), yet doesn't want to feel tied down. I'm involved in this currently since I don't feel like a serious GF, yet want someone special. No expectations. No getting upset. Totally open about what I'm doing.

[Anonymous]

OP, at 26 you have an unlimited supply of men interested in you so you so that might be a factor. Also, why do people feel they have to "check in" when dating. I never did that when I was single but was also a serial monogamist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 26 you have an unlimited supply of men interested in you so you so that might be a factor. Also, why do people feel they have to "check in" when dating. I never did that when I was single but was also a serial monogamist.

I don't understand the checking in thing also. When dating, you shouldn't have to owe the other person nothing unless plans are made.

This is where cell phones have pretty much ruined things. Too easy to contact someone and see what they are doing. Too many expectations of when you expect to hear from your partner. Just too easy. Gone are the days of hearing from someone every few days while dating. Too easy to get smothered or to smother someone.

[Anonymous]

Mental disease or defect