Help me move on.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both only children. Both parents divorced later in life, within the last five years. All in terrible places in their lives either mentally or physically, or just uninterested in being with us at this point in our lives. No positive relationships with aunt and uncles, no cousins. It sounds like a joke but it's sadly not - there is just literally no one in our families that we spend time with. I know this is all just crappy luck and I'm not looking for pity. We have a wonderful family of three and some amazing friends and coworkers. But during the holiday season I just can't help but wish there was more of a family vibe, especially for my little girl. It's likely to always be this way so I'm hoping to find some ways to stay more positive and uplifted during these holiday times that often focus on families. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I know it's hard to realize during the holidays, when there's so much idealization around the "perfect family," but try to remember that the ideal is not the norm. I suspect many of us, if we are completely honest, vastly prefer spending holidays with our nuclear families and maybe a few friends. You need only read most of the threads in this forum to realize this. Some of those friends posting happy family photos to Facebook may be venting on DCUM at the same time!

I would focus on building a community of like-minded friends and chosen family with whom you have rich relationships in your daily life. I would also try to strengthen relationships with old friends who may not live in this area but whom your DD can think of as "aunties and uncles." If you have unresolved feelings about the lack of a close family of origin, you might want to consider therapy to work through some of that. I think it's important not to communicate a sense of deprivation to your daughter. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP, I completely understand. I had an emotional moment yesterday about this sort of thing. Sending positive thoughts your way and hoping you can build a community family. There are lots of us out there. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP, never mention to your daughter that it's strange, and she won't grow up thinking it's strange.

Enjoy "the family" you've pieced together ~