Brother Never Sends Presents After Asking What My Kids Want or Need

[Anonymous]

Every yearI send Christmas presents to. Y brother for his son. each year U brother asks about what my daughter would like and then nothng ever arrives? Do I ask him aboIt this? I find it very strange.

[Anonymous]

After xmas: "You mentioned sending a gift for DD and it hasn't arrived. Just wanted to make sure it didn't get lost in the mail."

I'd also like to summarize every post on this board: "My [family member] did X and I can't understand why, should I open my mouth and talk to my family member?" Or "I expected my family member to do Y and they didn't read my mind and do Y. Am I in the wrong here?"

[Anonymous]

I have done this more than once. I know, it sucks, and I feel bad about it. I have ADD. Does he? If so, be kind and forgiving. He probably feels guilty for flaking.

[Anonymous]

No, do not ask him about it. Don't expect any presents from him for your kids. That should not affect how you treat his kids, as they are kids, but that is up to you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the suggestions were too expensive. I like to spend about $20 on my niece and nephew, and I received, unsolicited, requests for $50 gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have done this more than once. I know, it sucks, and I feel bad about it. I have ADD. Does he? If so, be kind and forgiving. He probably feels guilty for flaking.

Come on, be kind and forgiving because he probably feels bad? Then why doesn't he send the gifts afterwards? No excuse.

[Anonymous]

My brothers, yes brothers, sometimes does this only because the others years he just doesn't ask or send anything. He's beyond broke, so I never expect anything or mention gifts to the kids. I do however still send their kids gifts or cash each year.

I know he loves us and them, and I can never change his ways.

But I never bring it up or confront them because I know they feel bad. If your brother asks ... Just mention oh anything I'm sure she will love. Or something general like, she loves horses. No specific items.

[Anonymous]

I've never brought it up, I just find it strange. We are all Close socio-economically. I am a mid-level Fed he is an O-4 in the Army. I probably make more salary-wise, but Not by much.

[Anonymous]

My brother does this too. Over the years I've come to realize that he's someone who talks a big talk about wanting to be an involved uncle/brother/etc, but when push comes to shove, the actions just don't match the words.

[Anonymous]

Ha! Np here. SIL gave me very specific requests for her kids and asked if I would like what she was thinking of buying for mine. Since it's the thought that counts, I said her ideas sounded lovely. I immediately sent her kids the requested items and they arrived before the first night of Hanukkah. Mine are still waiting. Of course my kids would rather have a relationship with these relatives than a gift but that's a whole other thread, lol. Op, you know your brother's routine. Don't count on him for something on your kids' wish lists. If he comes through with a gift, great. If not, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the suggestions were too expensive. I like to spend about $20 on my niece and nephew, and I received, unsolicited, requests for $50 gifts.

This. X10

[Anonymous]

Perhaps saying nothing would be appropriate for a friend or a more distant family member, but a brother??? Don't you have a frank relationship?

I would say something direct at least this once. Then move on if he keeps doing it in the future.

[Anonymous]

I don't really care whether my sister gets my son a gift or not, but it drives me crazy that she will reach out and ask what he wants, I'll give her something and not get it for DS myself, and then she never gets him anything. Let's skip the charade!

[Anonymous]

They mean well and are showing interest. It could also be the holiday equivalent of "let's do lunch." Then they get busy and already spent too much and it falls off. Just that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, do not ask him about it. Don't expect any presents from him for your kids. That should not affect how you treat his kids, as they are kids, but that is up to you.

Agreed. Also, just know that your brother may not follow through on gifts, so don't plan your giving around it. In other words, don't tell him something that they really need and then not buy it yourself. Just give him an idea of something extra that might be nice to have under the tree -- a Lego set, pajamas, a book. But no harm if it never comes.

If it were me, I might just suggest when he asks next year that you not exchange gifts for each other kids, save each other the bother of worrying about it or sending them.