Help me have strength to have an intervention with my mom

[Anonymous]

It's been the best and worst year of my life....lets just say that. My mother is either having problems with pills and or alcohol and I'm not sure which. After tonight I decided I have to have an intervention and I'm terrified.

I plan on calling her therapist Monday to see how to do it...whether with just family or he needs to be there. Is m at a loss of words. I do not even know her anymore. My marriage and family are struggling. How did it come to this?

[Anonymous]

No advice, but I wish you luck.

[Anonymous]

Good luck. You are a good daughter.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

If you're not sure, you might not want to make assumptions about it--could she have a brain tumor? Alzheimer's or another type of dementia? depression? carbon monoxide in her house? Might be better to express concern and encourage (force) her to see a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're not sure, you might not want to make assumptions about it--could she have a brain tumor? Alzheimer's or another type of dementia? depression? carbon monoxide in her house? Might be better to express concern and encourage (force) her to see a doctor.

NP, while it is good for OP to make sure she's considered all sorts of root causes, I'm gonna guess OP didn't wake up this morning and jump to the conclusion that her mom needs and intervention without a LOT of prior history that leads to this. OP says already she's planning to contact her mom's doc, so if this is somehow an unwarranted leap, she'll likely get that advice. But the vast majority of the time that family members start talking "intervention", it's long long after the problems have gotten way out of control. I highly doubt OP "expressing concern and encouraging/forcing her mom to see a doctor" will work at this stage. OP and her mom are probably long past that point being helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not sure, you might not want to make assumptions about it--could she have a brain tumor? Alzheimer's or another type of dementia? depression? carbon monoxide in her house? Might be better to express concern and encourage (force) her to see a doctor.

NP, while it is good for OP to make sure she's considered all sorts of root causes, I'm gonna guess OP didn't wake up this morning and jump to the conclusion that her mom needs and intervention without a LOT of prior history that leads to this. OP says already she's planning to contact her mom's doc, so if this is somehow an unwarranted leap, she'll likely get that advice. But the vast majority of the time that family members start talking "intervention", it's long long after the problems have gotten way out of control. I highly doubt OP "expressing concern and encouraging/forcing her mom to see a doctor" will work at this stage. OP and her mom are probably long past that point being helpful.

Op here. Pp your post explains it perfectly. Thank you

[Anonymous]

OP, your mom's doctor may not be able to discuss anything with you at all about her treatment. Unless your mom has given written permission to her doctor, he/she is unable to share pertinent information with you. However, YOU can share information with her doctor. So you can explain your concerns to her doctor (your mom's actions, behavior patterns, etc.).

If the doctor is unwilling to share information with you, you may get some help by asking some generic suggestions: If this was your mother, what would your next step or action be? Are there resources that you suggest I might contact for help in this situation? etc.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Are you also seeing a therapist, OP? If not, I encourage you to find one for yourself. If this issue with your mom is affecting you and your marriage, you need to triage yourself before you triage your mother. I speak from painful experience. You can't let your mother drag you down with her. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you also seeing a therapist, OP? If not, I encourage you to find one for yourself. If this issue with your mom is affecting you and your marriage, you need to triage yourself before you triage your mother. I speak from painful experience. You can't let your mother drag you down with her. Hugs.

This is good advice.

[Anonymous]

OP, having done an intervention with a family member 2x (one unsuccessfully, then again successfully six months later), I would encourage you to use a professional interventionist to help if you can afford it. I did the second time and it made all the difference in the world to have her guidance and support. Here's the person I used:
http://www.interventionrn.com/drupal1/node/1