Ideas to keep my mom "involved"?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this belongs in the family section, but here goes:

My dad passed away this summer and my mom has become very quiet and withdrawn. We noticed at Thanksgiving (the last time the entire family was together) that she just kind of sat there staring into the distance, not participating in conversation or really even listening. Does anyone have any ideas of things we could do to keep her involved? I'm thinking something really, really structured where everyone HAS to participate (ie board games) and interact.

[Anonymous]

Cards against humanity?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I forgot to add that this is really only an issue when it's entire family gatherings, which will be coming up on Christmas. The "entire" family consists of me, DH, our son (8), my brother and his wife and their kids, 16, 14, and 11. So, it's not a huge group, but we'd still like some ideas that can involve everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cards against humanity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I forgot to add that this is really only an issue when it's entire family gatherings, which will be coming up on Christmas. The "entire" family consists of me, DH, our son (8), my brother and his wife and their kids, 16, 14, and 11. So, it's not a huge group, but we'd still like some ideas that can involve everyone.

Make pretzels, decorate cookies or gingerbread houses, do a simple craft.

Also, games like Pitt are very fun and interactive for groups.

[Anonymous]

You can try to get her involved, but also just understand she is grieving. She just lost spouse this summer and going thru holidays without him must be really hard. I would try to talk to her about how she feels and how she is grieving.

When I lost my mother suddenly I often sat and stared....listened more in those months than I ever have since. Just couldn't talk and felt so overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Is there some special thing she always makes? I like the idea of a food-related task--something where you can all participate and talk as little or as much as you want while your hands are busy.

[Anonymous]

I'd say leave her alone. She's grieving. She doesn't have to participate if her mind is not present.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry. I know that soon after I lost my parents, in social situations, I was present but totally not "there."

Agree with the cooking-related ideas, but really, just give her time. It must be so hard.

[Anonymous]

Give her time, OP -- she is still in the early stages of grieving and holidays (especially first ones without him) can be very difficult, and full of memories.

Is she at all open or willing to reminisce, or talk about what she is going through? If your family is accustomed to board games then that might be nice, actually, but if not I'm not sure this is the time to start. Also, kuds can be a great diversion -- msybe cooking with them, or finding another activity with the kids (on second thought, a board game might fit the bill).

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can try to get her involved, but also just understand she is grieving. She just lost spouse this summer and going thru holidays without him must be really hard. I would try to talk to her about how she feels and how she is grieving.

When I lost my mother suddenly I often sat and stared....listened more in those months than I ever have since. Just couldn't talk and felt so overwhelmed.

+1

[Anonymous]

For her, if she engages and "has fun" at these family events, she may feel she is disrespecting his memory. It's irrational, yes, but it's part of grief.

Go gently with her. She probably spent 45+ years with this person for every holiday. That loss doesn't get taken care of with a few board games.

[Anonymous]

Consider an anti depressant.