Help me not to be annoyed at my mother

[Anonymous]

we are all spending Christmas together at her place. I sent her an email to let her know that I was shipping gifts for my kids to open on Christmas morning. She sent me back a diatribe about how she had already purchased both of them a ton of gifts, and it was really going overboard for me to get them more. I'm livid that she thinks that I shouldn't buy my own children gifts because she has already brought them so much stuff! I didn't ask her to get them a ton of stuff in the first place. What would be a polite and tactful way to express that I want to give my own kids presents and intend to send them?

[Anonymous]

Ignore her and have your kids open their gifts from you in your home. Done and done.

[Anonymous]

On one hand, she sounds really controlling so I don't blame you for being pissed off. OTOH, if the kids are getting a lot of presents at her place, why send them there? You'll just have to schlep them home after Christmas. Why not open them before or after Christmas? If some are supposed to be from Santa, just say that Santa made an extra drop off.

I don't blame you for pushing back but this might just make your life easier. Just be sure to let your mom know that you chose to do it this way.

[Anonymous]

Last christmas there. Have her come to you next year and limit the number of gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last christmas there. Have her come to you next year and limit the number of gifts.

+1. And this year don't bring/ship presents to her. Open before or after xmas at your house.

[Anonymous]

I dont see this being anything you need to be annoyed about. Have the kids open your gifts when you all get back. How annoying is it to ship the gifts there and then ship them back? Sounds really annoying if you want to go there. Thank your mother.

[Anonymous]

In the immortal words of Elsa: let it go.

Don't be annoyed about this. This is small. I agree with the other posters, don't pay to ship your gifts. Save them for when you get home. The kids will enjoy them more -- otherwise they will be overwhelmed by stuff to open and play with.

[Anonymous]

Bear in mind that emails can seem overly aggressive, even when they were not meant to be.

However, I understand. OP might really want her children to open her gifts on Christmas morning, which is the prime time for gifts. Plus, she's just been made to feel guilty for nothing by a self-centered grandmother. So I would definitely be annoyed! Well, actually, I would have called and "discussed" it with her.

You could start a tradition of Christmas Eve gifts. Or, ship them over anyway, just to make your point.

[Anonymous]

We have this problem... my In Laws get my kids so much stuff it's crazy. This year I never even got the chance to give my son his birthday gifts because he got so much from them, it would have been overboard. That hurts because this is my son and I would like the chance to get him gifts, too... they got to do it when their kids were young, and yet their "generosity" (which is really controlling behavior) prevents us from doing it. So, for Christmas, I buy what I want, and let them do what they want, but I take the excess (which is a LOT) and put it in the attic. Then next December, I will bring it to church and donate all the unopened toys to the toy drive. This year I filled my car trunk 2xs with new gifts. The ILs get the joy of giving, my kids never miss the gifts and I am helping out others who have less than we do. The ILs have no idea I do this, by the way. They don't ever notice the toys are not at my house... they give so much they can't keep track. It used to make me crazy until I started giving it all away.

[Anonymous]

I'd respond politely. If she's an idiot after that, it's on her.


I'd just tell her it means a lot to you to be able to give your own children presents on the day you all celebrate Christmas together. That it's not about the number of presents the kids are getting, but the spirit of giving and the joy you get from watching their delight. And you hope she understands your desire here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have this problem... my In Laws get my kids so much stuff it's crazy. This year I never even got the chance to give my son his birthday gifts because he got so much from them, it would have been overboard. That hurts because this is my son and I would like the chance to get him gifts, too... they got to do it when their kids were young, and yet their "generosity" (which is really controlling behavior) prevents us from doing it. So, for Christmas, I buy what I want, and let them do what they want, but I take the excess (which is a LOT) and put it in the attic. Then next December, I will bring it to church and donate all the unopened toys to the toy drive. This year I filled my car trunk 2xs with new gifts. The ILs get the joy of giving, my kids never miss the gifts and I am helping out others who have less than we do. The ILs have no idea I do this, by the way. They don't ever notice the toys are not at my house... they give so much they can't keep track. It used to make me crazy until I started giving it all away.

This works great until you give away something which is really nice or expensive and don't know what it is since you didn't even open the box. There will come a time when they ask the kids because they get old enough.

[Anonymous]

The main reason I would be annoyed is she clearly understands the happiness that giving can provide the giver, and yet is taking that away from you, whether knowingly or unknowingly (in which case it's just selfish instead of mean-spirited). I would stop going there for Christmas, personally.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think she's way overstepping here. Spend next year at home with just your family.

[Anonymous]

I would ask her to limit it it 2 gifts and put the rest in a college fund which is the best gift of all. I'd literally tell her the kids are allowed to keep 2 of her gifts and the extra will be donated.

[Anonymous]

Just rephrase it back to her and ask her if she really just meant to tell you it was inappropriate for you to purchase gifts for YOUR kids because SHE bought too much.

Then tell her that's a bit ridiculous. And if she thinks it's too much she can feel free to take some of her gifts back.