smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?

[Anonymous]

My FIL is visiting us for the holidays and came up the first week of December. He has showered once since being here and the places were he sits and hangs out are starting to smell a bit. He always sits in the same place on the couch (my brand new, microfiber) and it is smelly where he sits. The blankets and pillows in his guest bed are smelly too. I haven't said anything to my husband and wasn't sure if I should even mention it. I don't want to embarrass anyone. I never realized how bad my FILs hygiene was. Hes been wearing the same clothes also even though he packed a suitcase. Each day its the same shirt and pants. I dont think he has done laundry once. Do I suck it up and just get everything cleaned once the holidays are over? Or is there some way to say something? TIA

[Anonymous]

Maybe he needs help? Guests are tricky: you probably have to spearhead washing the sheets and invite him to wash his clothes or use whatever he needs. Maybe he's too embarrassed to ask to use the washer or take a shower? Older people are like that sometimes.

But remember, he is your guest - you should expect to have to wash the sheets and let him know what he can do in your house. Other than that, some Febreeze and a gift of cologne?

[Anonymous]

I might mention something to my husband, but he will probably not do anything.
FWIW - as my father aged, we had the same issue. My mom too. I believe it is more a function of age. And, it could be that his sense of smell is totally failing.
I think this is just something you might want to suck up. Or, do as another poster has suggested and offer to do a load of laundry for him, including the sheets.

[Anonymous]

Put some towels and soap on his bed (oops - forgot to give you clean towels!) or in the bathroom if you haven't done so. Tell him you are doing laundry and washing sheets too - ask if he has any clothes he wants to throw in. Make it all seem like it is routine cleanliness on your part. Other than that, blame your husband or the kids....something smells funky in here - Kids! time for a bath! Maybe he will take the hint??? If not - febreeze, scented candles, open windows periodically.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is doing a no soap experiment.

[Anonymous]

How do you know he only showered once? Did I miss something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might mention something to my husband, but he will probably not do anything.
FWIW - as my father aged, we had the same issue. My mom too. I believe it is more a function of age. And, it could be that his sense of smell is totally failing.
I think this is just something you might want to suck up. Or, do as another poster has suggested and offer to do a load of laundry for him, including the sheets.

Hey, I take exception to this comment about what happens when one gets older!!

As someone who became a senior citizen some years ago, I have gone from showering once a day to doing so morning and evening! But I do agree about the sense of smell declining ....... definitely true for me.

OP, speaking for myself, I would not mind if someone told me that I have a problem but then I tend to be quite candid about such things myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might mention something to my husband, but he will probably not do anything.
FWIW - as my father aged, we had the same issue. My mom too. I believe it is more a function of age. And, it could be that his sense of smell is totally failing.
I think this is just something you might want to suck up. Or, do as another poster has suggested and offer to do a load of laundry for him, including the sheets.

Hey, I take exception to this comment about what happens when one gets older!!

As someone who became a senior citizen some years ago, I have gone from showering once a day to doing so morning and evening! But I do agree about the sense of smell declining ....... definitely true for me.

OP, speaking for myself, I would not mind if someone told me that I have a problem but then I tend to be quite candid about such things myself.

PP here.
Sorry if I was insulting.
I am approaching senior citizenship, so I am not far behind.
Hopefully, I learned what NOT to do from my parents when it comes to personal hygiene in my golden years!

[Anonymous]

You need to talk with your husband about this. He needs to be engaged in his father's care. He cannot put his head in the sand about this. "Dad, it's time to wash up. I'm getting ready to do a load of laundry. You can either help me do the load or give me your clothes." If he balks, dh will have to keep at it: "Dad, you've been wearing the same clothes every day. They need to be washed. Let's go to your room." Persistence is key.

Personal hygiene is important. It's December 17th. Taking a shower once in 17 days is not okay in any culture, at any age or in any situation.

[Anonymous]

Do you all have a designated day for changing the sheets & washing the towels? It's been two weeks - I think that's long enough to just start collecting all the sheets off the beds and tell FIL - "I'm doing the sheets today. I'll grab the ones off the guest bed later this morning." so he has a few minutes to tiddy up the guest room if he's left anything personal out.

When you have a stack of clean towels, give him a new one and half ask, half tell him you'll put his clothes in for the next load. That will give a him nudge to go for a shower, but at the very least get him to change his clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk with your husband about this. He needs to be engaged in his father's care. He cannot put his head in the sand about this. "Dad, it's time to wash up. I'm getting ready to do a load of laundry. You can either help me do the load or give me your clothes." If he balks, dh will have to keep at it: "Dad, you've been wearing the same clothes every day. They need to be washed. Let's go to your room." Persistence is key.

Personal hygiene is important. It's December 17th. Taking a shower once in 17 days is not okay in any culture, at any age or in any situation.

Yes, I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Isn't that the case with house guests, though. After 3 days they all begin to stink...

I'm teasing! But really Op I think that's sort of concerning about your FIL. Is he otherwise well and thinking straight? Could he possibly have a medical and/or mobility issue or possibly some depression going on?

[Anonymous]

OP, you and your DH are goig to have to take charge.

FWIW, my own (local) 80 year old mom who is fiercely independent and quite "with it" is absolutely flummoxed when it comes to operating nearly any appliance at our house. If it is unfamiliar to her, she asks for help or doesn't use it, period.

For instance, today, she had to ask our teenage DS to help her turn on the shower and make sure it wasn't too hot. Last night, my mom needed me to show her how our gas burner turns on. Using our coffee maker? Forget it!

Wonder if your FIL doesn't know how to turn on your shower, or is too embarrassed to ask for help.

Also, I'd be concerned that this is indicative of a larger problem. Dementia? Depression?

[Anonymous]

My dad is like this. It's fucking disgusting and I hate when he stays with us. For him it's not an age thing. I do think it's related to his mental health, but that's another post. For me it's a very hard thing to talk about, and it's not worth the awkwardness and stress of bringing it up. And I would never, ever expect or want DH to bring it up to my father. I know it sucks for DH too but he respects that it's complicated and we just deal with it. Lots of open windows, febreze, etc. The good news is it doesn't last. Once he's gone I air out and clean everything and it's like he was never there. Your couch will be fine. Leave this one up to your DH.

[Anonymous]

We have this issue with my mother and it's really difficult and awkward.

No solutions from me OP (though you've gotten some good advice) just empathy.

I do think this is a somewhat common problem w/ older folks.