Hiring a tutor in middle school

[Anonymous]

I have a son at a wonderful private school, and I think he loves it. He is an 8th grader now, having started in the 6th grade, and he seems happy and to be growing in academics and in maturity. Just, not enough.

In 8th grade at this school there is a pronounced increase in workload and teacher expectations. My son, who was always an A and B student, is now earning grades in the 70s for almost every class. He's not knocking himself out, mind you. He has no computer or tv privileges during the week, but still manages to forget to do homework, or sometimes to turn it in. And, although he is naturally good at math, he is in the "easier" math class, simply bc he "knows" the harder one has more homework, so admits he doesn't do well enough to get asked to go to the more challenging one.

So I have a pretty good kid, kind of throwing away his opportunities. If his grades are hovering around 70 in multiple classes by the end of the year, my spouse and I will likely not pay to have him return. It's expensive, and we don't want him "sitting on the bench" but able to feel he is more than getting by.

Among the things I thought I would try, are tutors. Maybe a math tutor, partly to make him feel indignant, partly to ensure he knows how good it feels to be 100% on top of a class.

Any thoughts/ experiences? I'd love to hear from parents who have been there.

[Anonymous]

I would rather a 70 with a challenging environment, than a 70 in a less challenging environment.

I would have a set time to study instead of I am done when I am done. Like 1 hour, a break and 1 more hour.

Plus, check it over to see where he is slacking. Quiz him before tests, you may discover a study skill weakness. A tutor could also do this.

Also, talk yo his advisor for advise.

[Anonymous]

If he forgets to do homework or turn it in, it could be a sign of executive function issues or ADD. Can you have him evaluated?

How does your private inform you of missed assignments? Do they have an online tracking system or do you have to wait for the teachers to reach out?

[Anonymous]

Yes, he definitely has attention issues (good catch) and tried a low-dose stimulant for a few months before deciding he didn't like how it felt. Since a lot of his extended family has addiction issues, I decided to just be grateful he doesn't like to "take drugs." Seriously, stimulants have a high potential for abuse.

And, unfortunately his school does not allow me to know when assignments are late, missing entirely, or bombed. This is a deliberate choice intended to foster student accountability and maturity, but it is not a great match for my son. Grades have to fall below a B to generate a message home from the teachers.

Despite how unappealing that might sound, it's a rigorous and great school (which I won't name), and my son is happy there.

Re: first poster. I do not work well with this kid, who I love dearly. And that's why I'd be willing to pay someone else!

[Anonymous]

We had success with a tutor in a similar circumstance.

[Anonymous]

OP- Hire someone that can work with your DS on his organization. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like a learning issue so much as his inability to organize himself/his brain enough to successfully mange the increased workload.

If things do not improve, and you know that he is really really trying - then consider getting him evaluated for executive functioning issues. Depending on the school he's in they may or may to not be able to accommodate his needs...but maybe all he'll need is a tutor....or maybe a new school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he forgets to do homework or turn it in, it could be a sign of executive function issues or ADD. Can you have him evaluated?

How does your private inform you of missed assignments? Do they have an online tracking system or do you have to wait for the teachers to reach out?

Or, it could be a sign that he is simply a pre-teen, lazy slightly entitled kid taking an expensive education for granted, who needs to have his butt handed to him more than once to get the message. Why does everyone on this board always jump to the assumption of "have him evaluated?" (Guessing: You are a shrink who charges for this service!! Lots of takers on here, right?)

[Anonymous]

21:19 is on the right track. It sounds like the school is failing to support your child. I wouldn't pay for that. There are plenty of great schools around here with a more positive and protective approach to education than sink or swim. No reason to stay in a bad match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:19 is on the right track. It sounds like the school is failing to support your child. I wouldn't pay for that. There are plenty of great schools around here with a more positive and protective approach to education than sink or swim. No reason to stay in a bad match.

I agree. The school doesn't sound that great if they don't inform you of missing assignments and guidance on how DS can improve or get more organized, which will become critical in HS. maybe the current school is not a good fit for DS although it may be great for other kids. And, you glossed over the part about taking him off his ADHD medication. Was that your decision or the pediatrician's? Just because one stimulant did not work does not mean another may not be effective. I am not sure getting a tutor will be the silver bullet you are looking for. And, finally, it is odd the "excellent school" does not put assignments and completion percentages for each student on a secure web portal like a lot do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:19 is on the right track. It sounds like the school is failing to support your child. I wouldn't pay for that. There are plenty of great schools around here with a more positive and protective approach to education than sink or swim. No reason to stay in a bad match.

typed "proactive" not protective.