Surviving Christmas with the in laws
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Anonymous
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How do you keep your mouth shut and keep the peace? I just don't know how many more years I can do this. FIL sent out his annual schedule of events but this year went a step further and assigned each of the women kitchen chores. He did include DH but I am the only one who's not SAHM and DH is not a chauvinist bastard like his brother and BIL. The women are always in the kitchen cooking and cleaning while the men do nothing. I don't hang out in the kitchen, but I do help out where I can. It's pretty clear where the power balance lays in these marriages.
I just cannot believe I have a fucking assignment like a twelve year old. WTF! |
Anonymous
| That's so horrible. I wouldn't keep my mouth shut. That's just not cool. The kids also are seeing how women are treated in this family and they're going to think it's o.k. Speak up. |
Anonymous
Eh, the women probably like bonding in the kitchen and would get pissed off if men came into their zone of influence. |
Anonymous
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DH needs to talk to his dad about this.
I love helping when I'm a guest but hell no they can't "assign" me anything. Guests shouldn't be made to do chores. Ridiculous. That's part of hosting. |
Anonymous
"zone of flatulence" |
Anonymous
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What are the chord categories??
Time to start spending Christmas at your own home, either by hosting everyone or by just being your nuclear family. Are your in-laws local? Is your FIL retired and bored? Does he drum up these extra layers of process in order to be busy and feel important? He will not change. |
Anonymous
| He sounds crazy. What kind of chores? Things like on Wed night Mary will load the dishwasher, Jen will wash things that can't go in the washer, Larla will sweep the floors? Time to stay home. If you can't then I would refuse to even go in the kitchen. I would stay with the "men" while they hang out just to piss FIL off. Your DH needs to talk to him. |
Anonymous
| I think he just doesn't realize how offensive that is because he's old school and that's honestly acceptable to the other women. I will talk to him. I wish we could stay home. If he gets offended then he gets offended. |
Anonymous
| I do not allow my guests to work while in my house and I do not offer to help when I am invited guest in some one else's house. I do ask my DH and children to help. Your FIL is a chavinist pig. Hire a maid if they need help. |
Anonymous
| Wow, your FIL has some nerve. That is the rudest thing to send out a list of who's doing what cleaning chores and leave it to all the women. What a jerk! |
Anonymous
| God, I would love to see this email. Can you cut and paste it? |
Anonymous
| What is your assignment? Could this possibly be a joke which is coming off poorly? What does your husband say? |
Anonymous
| I don't believe this and if it were true and you were my DIL, I wouldn't invite your hateful ass. |
Anonymous
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Actually, I responded telling him that I would be happy to hand over my kitchen responsibilities to the men so they wouldn't feel left out. He thought it was a good idea. He is a good guy and understood my point of view. I'm glad that I calmed down and kept it positive and gave him the benefit of the doubt. MIL does everything for him but I won't demonize him for that. He's a reasonable man. I was just taken aback by the glaring omission of the men. For him it was just habit and not meant to be mean spirited. He's of a different generation for better or worse but he has a good heart. Unfortunately, the other men in that house are not of that generation and do very little to help their own wives. Doubt they will be lifting a finger for anything.
The only thing that will ruin my Christmas is me. My response to all this stuff will determine the tone of the holidays. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. |
Anonymous
Hateful?? How so? |