BFF moving away right before Christmas

[Anonymous]

My daughter's BFF is moving away in two weeks, right before Christmas. Her dad was transferred. We're in shock (and who knows how the other little girl feels). My daughter is 9. Realistically, we will not see them again, though I try to chirpily pretend that we'll visit some summer and pick up where we left off. The girls played together, at school and at recess, every day. Whenever I feel too sorry for my daughter, I look at the BFF's mother--she looks suicidal. Help, help on all counts!

[Anonymous]

It will be ok, OP. Kids who are in stable and loving homes adapt--most adapt better than adults.

When my DDs were 8 and 10, we found out we were moving here to DC. We happened to have been reading the American Girl historical doll books. They are really helpful--most of the girls are in situations that are more dire, and they end up ok. In the process, my kids realized that their moving-situation was not as bad as Addie's (new place, new school, only one who can't read), Julie (new place…maybe new school, but due to divorce), and I can't remember who else moved, but Kit was during the Great Depression and they had no money, and Molly during WWII, and my favorite, Josefina, living on a Rancho, mother dies, and she is learning how to read when women weren't supposed to. Oh, and Kaya--Native American before white settlement, kidnapped by another tribe. Great stuff, OP, and it helps.
Rebecca is a good story as well--Jewish girl in NYC; her cousins are starving in Russia.

If not for your DD, please send this info to the "suicidal" BFF's mother.

[Anonymous]

My father used to say that in situations like this, children are resilient. DH's family had to move a few times and my FIL believes it's much better during the year than at the beginning of summer. It will all be ok.

[Anonymous]

It will be fine, especially for your child who isn't moving. We've moved many times and it takes time to adjust, but with the right attitude, you adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father used to say that in situations like this, children are resilient. DH's family had to move a few times and my FIL believes it's much better during the year than at the beginning of summer. It will all be ok.

+1 on not moving at the beginning of the summer. We moved in June (had no choice) and it was very hard for the first several months.

[Anonymous]

I was sad when my BFF moved away at that age. We wrote letters which was fun. Now there is a lot online but the letters in sticker filled envelopes were really fun to send and receive.

[Anonymous]

18:51 again. Also want to say that FaceTime (or Skype) helps, but it will take coordinating by parents because of the time zone differences.
Expect them to waste a lot of time, looking up each other's noses etc and making stupid sounds (yes, even girls)

[Anonymous]

Let her express her sadness and help her understand that loss is a part of life. Give her time to grieve, then help her figure out ways to make new friends. Strategize with her about going back to school. Have her name other students she likes that she could make an effort to play with. Ask how it went. Ask if she wants to plan a playdate to help build a new BFF.

We moved a lot when I was a kid, and my mother didn't really try to help me adjust. I was shy and it often took months before I would make a new friend. You can help your DD use this experience to build those skills.