Am I asking too much? DH and I are having a disagreement...

[Anonymous]

We have a layout problem that we only realized after buying our house. Our garage, and main entrance, opens up to a small hallway behind our living room. There's a half bath and a closet in that small hall and no room for a table or anything to set our things on or place our shoes when we come inside.

I had the grand idea last year when we moved in of changing that small closet to a makeshift "mudroom". My husband took off the door (it's now in the attic) and we installed hooks and a bench, etc. Well. He for one never, ever uses it and his shoes still remain in the way of that hallway and his coat/clothing ends up thrown on the back of the couch. I am pregnant and I am now thinking about the baby - not only where I'm going to set down his car seat, diaper bag, my own things, etc. when we come inside but when he starts crawling he'll have open access to everything in that closet because the area doesn't really lend itself to a gate. Not to mention future backpacks, coats, etc - there's really only room for one person to stand there and and it really isn't going to be functional when I'm helping a child.

SO. I have asked that we set up a "new" area in our completely empty foyer (and it's a huge lawyer foyer - completely empty). I'd like to replace the door on this closet (and treat it as a regular closet) and put a bench, table, and coat rack in the foyer. I am not crazy about having to wear shoes 10 or so steps on carpet to the foyer to take them off but this seems like the best solution in the long term.

Husband said he already did what I asked and we aren't changing anything. I said it worked for a while but it's no longer going to work. Am I being a PITA or is he being stubborn and inflexible? I'm really annoyed by this and need an unbiased opinion.

[Anonymous]

First of all, the carseat stays in the car. Why would you bring it in every single day? That's ridiculous. Second of all, not everyone has a mudroom. I grew up in a house with four people and when you walked in there was a hallway and about 12 feet from the front door, a coat closet. Either one person stood in front of the closet hanging up each person's coat, or each person hung their coat and then stepped aside so the next person could hang theirs. Third of all, you simply will teach your child (through redirection, among other tactics) not to play in there.

[Anonymous]

Ha--He did not do what you asked, or he would hang up his g**-damned coat, right?

Seriously, though, have you spelled this all out to him? I think you're making a very reasonable suggestion given the constraints you have described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, the carseat stays in the car. Why would you bring it in every single day? That's ridiculous. Second of all, not everyone has a mudroom. I grew up in a house with four people and when you walked in there was a hallway and about 12 feet from the front door, a coat closet. Either one person stood in front of the closet hanging up each person's coat, or each person hung their coat and then stepped aside so the next person could hang theirs. Third of all, you simply will teach your child (through redirection, among other tactics) not to play in there.

During the bucket car seat phase, which granted is about nine months, it's definitely worth bringing back and forth. It's easier to load up the baby inside, and sometimes the baby falls asleep and you'd like to keep her/him in there sleeping!

[Anonymous]

You all had a plan, you tried it, it's not working.

Instead of telling him what you want to do (the foyer idea), how about just pointing out the problems you're having with the current setup and solicit ideas from him as to how to improve things. Granted you may still wind up with your foyer ideas as the best possible option given the limitations, but he may more willingly cooperate with the implementation if he feels involved in reaching that conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, the carseat stays in the car. Why would you bring it in every single day? That's ridiculous. Second of all, not everyone has a mudroom. I grew up in a house with four people and when you walked in there was a hallway and about 12 feet from the front door, a coat closet. Either one person stood in front of the closet hanging up each person's coat, or each person hung their coat and then stepped aside so the next person could hang theirs. Third of all, you simply will teach your child (through redirection, among other tactics) not to play in there.

I understand what you're saying but if the space if available to put all these things why not use it? The original idea of storing things near the garage door was to prevent walking on the carpet with shoes but it's not working now anyway.

[Anonymous]

Well, we have an actual mudroom with baskets for shoes, hooks for hats and coats, etc. and my DH will drop his coat everywhere and leave his shoes in the middle of the floor in front of the main entry door, so that part of the problem has nothing to do with what you build or don't build...

Why don't you try it for a while after baby comes and then change if you need to. What you have now might work, or it might not, but you have some time before you have to worry about a crawling baby.

And I understood what you meant about bringing the carseat in--you were referring to the early months when people usually use a snap-in carrier/carseat. If storing that is a problem, it will be a short-term one.

[Anonymous]

Set up an entry way system in the foyer if you need it. Your husband sounds like he's being cheap. Even with places to hang stuff, I doubt he'll change his habits.

[Anonymous]

OK so I think you're going about this the wrong way. You need to convince him subconsiouclsy.
1) Start off by saying something like: I just really wish we had a mudroom, this clutter is getting bad. Keep talking about this for a few weeks.
2)Then you propose the idea as a "thought", not a definite solution (although you already know it's the answer).
3) When he mentions the new mudroom in the entry way, you tell him that HIS idea is a really good one and you really think it would work.
4) Then slide into talking about your solution as a definite fact.

That normally makes my husband do it, but if your husband hasn't, then you hire a handyman or whatever you need to do to make it happen. I have talked for years about what great ideas my husband has and how creative he is. I don't even think at this point he realizes that every idea was mine in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set up an entry way system in the foyer if you need it. Your husband sounds like he's being cheap. Even with places to hang stuff, I doubt he'll change his habits.

I'm not sure if he's being cheap or just doesn't feel like re-drilling grooves in the frame to hang the door. Probably both.

[Anonymous]

When I want something done, I approach it this way :

Can you help me figure out a way to do this, this or this ? It works every time.

[Anonymous]

Put the bench and hooks in the back hall and call the hall + closet together the "mudroom."

Also ... and I say this from experience, not to be snarky -- learn to use the drill yourself. That way the things that you want to get done will get done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put the bench and hooks in the back hall and call the hall + closet together the "mudroom."

Also ... and I say this from experience, not to be snarky -- learn to use the drill yourself. That way the things that you want to get done will get done.

I wish I knew how to use a drill better in this case so I could do it myself. He really hates house projects. We had bought a new faucet/hardware for that hall bathroom when we moved in and it literally sat in the garage for a year. I finally got fed up a couple of months ago and tried doing it myself and he only came to help me when I got in over my head taking apart the sink. Maybe I should start taking apart the closet and force him to intervene again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put the bench and hooks in the back hall and call the hall + closet together the "mudroom."

Also ... and I say this from experience, not to be snarky -- learn to use the drill yourself. That way the things that you want to get done will get done.

I wish I knew how to use a drill better in this case so I could do it myself. He really hates house projects. We had bought a new faucet/hardware for that hall bathroom when we moved in and it literally sat in the garage for a year. I finally got fed up a couple of months ago and tried doing it myself and he only came to help me when I got in over my head taking apart the sink. Maybe I should start taking apart the closet and force him to intervene again.

Or you could start taking apart the closet and actually do it right. Getting in "over your head" isn't a foregone conclusion. If he hates it, why should he do it any more than you should? Okay, okay, you're big and pregnant, so that just means you should hire a handyman.

Signed,

Someone with ovaries who does house projects

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put the bench and hooks in the back hall and call the hall + closet together the "mudroom."

Also ... and I say this from experience, not to be snarky -- learn to use the drill yourself. That way the things that you want to get done will get done.

I wish I knew how to use a drill better in this case so I could do it myself. He really hates house projects. We had bought a new faucet/hardware for that hall bathroom when we moved in and it literally sat in the garage for a year. I finally got fed up a couple of months ago and tried doing it myself and he only came to help me when I got in over my head taking apart the sink. Maybe I should start taking apart the closet and force him to intervene again.

Or you could start taking apart the closet and actually do it right. Getting in "over your head" isn't a foregone conclusion. If he hates it, why should he do it any more than you should? Okay, okay, you're big and pregnant, so that just means you should hire a handyman.

Signed,

Someone with ovaries who does house projects

Fair enough, but it's frustrating when he actually is really good at and knows how to do stuff around the house despite not wanting to do it. He helped his ex wife fix up her house and I think I'm paying for it =\